PaperClipSkills
06-07-2008, 02:26 PM
So I'm in the middle of a silent war with my roommate and I'm not sure what to do next.
Over the last few months we had squabbled over a few things but I thought this was just temporary. But it has become clear that these arguments were not just isolated incidents. they all have added up in the mind of my roommate that I am a bad person and he has to now write me off completely.
My issues with him were always centered on his level of clutter and the amount of noise he makes with friends late at night. I have tried to ignore the problem as long as possible but when it gets too bad, like losing serious amounts of sleep before a day of work, I would tell him about it. I tried to bring it up naturally and tactfully but who knows if I succeeded. He was never thrilled to hear my criticisms and it only got more difficult to express concerns effectively.
Recently, I just made a stupid mistake he will never forgive me for. I was throwing out the trash on sat. and threw out all the stuff by the trashcan's, as is our routine, including a small trashcan. I thought it was old and broken, he thinks I am an idiot with no respect for his stuff. I get it. I made a mistake. I apologized later and offered to pay for it. He said no big deal. The next day I get home to see he has started locking me out of access to things I used to use. He just bought a new projector to watch movies on the wall and this is now password protected. I can kind of see the concern. The bulb has a limited life span and he's afraid I'll burn up hours of it's life with my tv/ video games. A cold move but understandable I guess. Hiding the coffee bean grinder was a surprise. He never uses that thing and I use it all the time. That was a purely antagonistic move as far as I can tell.
So now I'm thinking about finding another apt. I'm going to be going to school later on this year at a campus on the other side of the city so it would be useful to move. But I don't want to do something drastic just because I'm afraid to have a conversation. The problem is, I don't know if any further conversation will help. The last time I talked to him last saturday before the trash incident, I was struggling to get him to acknowledge my presence. I was just asking him very neutral questions, how was your week, school whats new? He was clearly working on the ignore John strategy. At the same time, he still continues to do things that piss me off. I don't want to be a doormat but I don't want to antagonize him further either. Should I attempt to fix this relationship or should I just jump ship and save a little self respect?
Over the last few months we had squabbled over a few things but I thought this was just temporary. But it has become clear that these arguments were not just isolated incidents. they all have added up in the mind of my roommate that I am a bad person and he has to now write me off completely.
My issues with him were always centered on his level of clutter and the amount of noise he makes with friends late at night. I have tried to ignore the problem as long as possible but when it gets too bad, like losing serious amounts of sleep before a day of work, I would tell him about it. I tried to bring it up naturally and tactfully but who knows if I succeeded. He was never thrilled to hear my criticisms and it only got more difficult to express concerns effectively.
Recently, I just made a stupid mistake he will never forgive me for. I was throwing out the trash on sat. and threw out all the stuff by the trashcan's, as is our routine, including a small trashcan. I thought it was old and broken, he thinks I am an idiot with no respect for his stuff. I get it. I made a mistake. I apologized later and offered to pay for it. He said no big deal. The next day I get home to see he has started locking me out of access to things I used to use. He just bought a new projector to watch movies on the wall and this is now password protected. I can kind of see the concern. The bulb has a limited life span and he's afraid I'll burn up hours of it's life with my tv/ video games. A cold move but understandable I guess. Hiding the coffee bean grinder was a surprise. He never uses that thing and I use it all the time. That was a purely antagonistic move as far as I can tell.
So now I'm thinking about finding another apt. I'm going to be going to school later on this year at a campus on the other side of the city so it would be useful to move. But I don't want to do something drastic just because I'm afraid to have a conversation. The problem is, I don't know if any further conversation will help. The last time I talked to him last saturday before the trash incident, I was struggling to get him to acknowledge my presence. I was just asking him very neutral questions, how was your week, school whats new? He was clearly working on the ignore John strategy. At the same time, he still continues to do things that piss me off. I don't want to be a doormat but I don't want to antagonize him further either. Should I attempt to fix this relationship or should I just jump ship and save a little self respect?