Family Situation

[Costanza]

So my grandma has been in a nursing home for about the last 8 months (after suffering a stroke), and it does not look like she will improve to the point where she could move back into her house. The deed/title of my grandma’s house was actually transferred to my mom and my aunt about 5 years ago. My grandma did not want the house to be sold as long as she was living, so it won’t be sold anytime in the near future. It’s an old house and there are a couple of major things (such as the roof, plumbing, electrical) that need to be replaced/repaired this year. There are still fixed costs associated with keeping the house like property taxes. My aunt lives about 3 hours away, and will not really be able to help with cleaning out the house (my grandma was a pack-rat and kept everything). It’s going to be a pretty big project to clean out the house. My parents and I will be fronting the money to pay for the repairs, and when the house is eventually sold later on, my aunt’s share 50% share of the cost of the repairs will get deducted from her share 50% share of the profit from the sale. My aunt has agreed to that.

My parents have had to make some significant changes in their lives as a result of my grandma being placed in the nursing home (e.g. Since my grandma does not speak English, my mom has to be at the nursing home everyday and retired early to accommodate this). My aunt has visited 3 times since the stroke and really has not had to make any changes in her life due to this event.

Since there is no will, do you think it would it be out of line to ask my aunt that even more $ be deducted from her share of the profit to account for things such as my parents rearranging their lives, the time my parents and I have spent on coordinating repairs, landscaping the front/back yard, cleaning out the house, etc?

If you were in my aunts position, how would you feel if you were asked to receive less than a 50% share due to some of these things that we can’t really put an exact dollar amount on? Do you think that is fair or would you be offended?

I’m a very practical person (also have an accounting background), so I don’t always see the emotional side of situations like these.

[spokes]

i'll start this of by saying i have never been in this situation before - but to me this situation is a minefeild that will require careful negotiation.

It seems to me that one of the first steps will be to have what might be an awkward discussion with the aunt and give her the lay of the land.

It also seems like it will be hard for your parents to get anything for their "sweat equity/efforts" - it would seemingly also make sense for them to keep very detailed records of all the money from your pockets that is going into the house - just in case. you guys all might want to visit a law talking guy as well to understand ll the issues that must be considered......

[Costanza]

It seems to me that one of the first steps will be to have what might be an awkward discussion with the aunt and give her the lay of the land.

You're right. It's definitely better for everyone involved to discuss these things in the beginning stages as opposed to down the road (even if it is extremely awkward).

It's really not that common to have wills in our culture, but it's probably too late to do anything about it if the title/deed is already in my moms/aunts name.

Does anyone know what happens when one party does not want to sell? I don't think my aunt and mom would ever get the point of having to go to court over this, so I'm guessing they will just have to mutually agree to some kind of arrangement (maybe buying out my Aunt's share).

[AllisonD]

Honestly this isn't about what you guys think your aunt should get. It's more about how your grandmother decided she wanted her assets divided. No where on the deed does it say your aunt only gets 50% IF she is there in the nursing home with your grandmother while she is ill. I wouldn't mess with the situation at all. Something very similar happened to my father with his brother when my grandma passed away. His brother never visited or even said goodbye to his mother, while my father spent all his time taking care of her and the house. His brother still took his half of the money when she passed away. My dad and his brother just don't speak anymore because it was such a shitty situation and my father felt the way you do. But really it's up to your grandmother. They are both equally her daughters even if they don't do an equally good job of caring for their mother when she needs them.