major self-evaluation

[aimlea]

Hi there,

I'm a 27 single white female with all goals accomplished. What next? I recently finished graduate school and went directly into teaching children with special needs. I should be happy, right? My whole life I have made decisions and choices based on what would make others happy, not what would make me happy. Therefore, I have no idea who I am. Who am I? At this point in my life I feel I'm in a crisis. I am ready to move to move to the east coast (now in California) so I can change my life. Am I running from something? These feelings only developed recently when my boyfriend moved back to Chicago to "find himself" and who he is. Immediately I started to evaluate my own life and where it's going. Can anyone relate and offer some feedback? Am I going crazy?

[Sam]

Going to the east coast to find yourself won;t really help you address what your underlying concern is that, you have done it all and that you have moved on in life with no real destination except a nother checkmark on the to do list of life. I have been there and done that.

I have taken to going to the beach/natural setting every saturday and refelcting on the questions you are asking yourself. Who are you? What makes you tick? I can tell from your post that you have reached a point of frustration in life. I would encourage you to take some time to make sure of who you are.

Learn, what you really love to do. What would you do if you didn't have to work for money?? Is it work for a charity, is it to read books, you should use that as an inflection point in your life to make a new choice.

Let me know how that works for you.

[Brad]

Aimlea,

Sam said it best, look within yourself, discover what it is that makes you who you are. Find yourself by introspection, don't be afraid to soul search.

Only you can make yourself happy, only you can discover what is it is that makes you tick. If you need help discovering yourself, I recommend that you see a qualified therapist. He/she can guide through this process.

Know this, you will get through it. Have faith and do not let yourself become too overwhelmed by your feelings/emotions.

I wish you well,


Brad

[Solo]

Wow, so many lost souls. Generation X indeed.

I don't know how you're supposed to know what you wanna be after high school. I mean it may be evident to a lucky few with special talents, but for most it's a tough decision. I know it was for me. I just picked something (engineering) and I finished it. But I hate it. I now realize that I'm the furthest thing from an engineer. I'm thinkin' about starting over but it's tough. It's hard to give up $60K salary and go back to square one. But I think I'll regret it forever if I don't.

Sorry, I digress. But the point was that you get so caught up in the day to day that youi don't step back and look at the big picture. Are you barking up the wrong tree? Only you know. But a wise man once said: "No matter how far you go down the wrong road, turn back".

B at Peace Child,

[MissKitty]

I can relate to what you are saying career wise. I went to school for Art Education, I always knew that I wanted to teach and inspire others and do something in the art field, but it wasn't until I was student teaching my final year that everything came to a halt when I asked myself, "What the hell am I doing?". I felt as though I had been delusional about this career choice. I was only three months away from graduating with a BA when I started to seriously question why I entered into the teaching profession when I couldn't imagine actually getting up and working in the field every day! I grit my teeth and followed through with graduating, but I'm not teaching now(although someday I might like to try it again).
I think that you could benefit from some hard core soul searching. Take a vacation alone, go camping, rent a hotel room, go to the beach alone and write all your thoughts in a journal. Since I've graduated I try to check in with myself on a regular basis. I started to keep a journal to sort through my thoughts when I hit a cross road, and keep track of my life goals...those things I really want.
Start a journal, check in with yourself and figure out what you really want.
Only you can live your life, so start doing the things that please you.
Good luck.
~MissKitty

[CAT11]

Wow, these posts really struck a cord with me.
I am fairly young, but I have lived a very different life from most of my contemporaries and I realized at 21 that I had hit the wall. Things had been pretty wacky when I was younger and I thought I always had it together but low and behold, I got to a point this spring where I felt like everything that I had been running from my whole life had caught up with me and it was either deal with this garbage now or push it down again and again. I choose option A. B would have been a huge diservice to myself.

As for moving...I moved to So. Cal to go to school and wasn't in a good place. I needed a support system (even thought I didn't think I did) and the whole thing was...not a a disaster, but close. But I learned a lot about myself.

Some books that I read where If Life is a Game, These are the Rules, and If Love is a Game, These are the Rules both by Cherie Carter-Scott.

Another thing I realized is that this was an opportunity, and while I am still sorting through it, I am trying to stay in the present and not obsess about tomorrow and what my ego thinks I should do to inflate itself.

On a very spiritual note, I believe that the body is the quickest way to get in touch with the spirit and the mind. I started incresing my massages, got really diligent about yoga and excercise and started seeing a Reiki practitioner. I went to some counseling as well. I think the combonation of all these things started to cause a shift in some of my pain, and by taking care of my body I was better able to deal with it. I had more resources to address my emotional and spiritual pain.

Most of the time, massage made me feel better, but twice there were occasions where I felt like a had been run over by a truck afterwards. Just awful. But I got very clear that my emotions, mostly pain and anxiety, were energy in my body and my body had released all of it. It was like dumping toxins in my blood until I could clear it out.

I feel much more grounded these days. I am still working, as I think I will always be, but I have left most of the intensity behind.

Sorry for the novel, but I hope it helps.