I'm Moving - Do I Make A Move On The Neighbor Before I Go?

[nicole06]

So, I have a feeling even before I start typing that this is going to be long-winded so that I get in all the details you might need. So for that, I apologize, but also say thank you if you read all the way through!

So, a few months back my next door neighbor in my apt building and I started talking and have become friends. Strangely enough, he responded to a personals post I had (without a photo). We didn't realize who one another were until we started emailing. So anyway, we've been friendly ever since then. We've stood out on our patios drinking and talking; we've been to each other's apts; we've even gone out to the bar one night with one of his (female) friends. We've talked about past relationships and what we're looking for for our futures. We exchanged numbers after one of our first meetings and texted pretty frequently for awhile. We've hugged once, because I initiated it. We've never been on a "date" or fooled around, or anything like that. I'm REALLY into this guy, but I don't think the feeling is mutual. Let me point out a couple things:

a) During one conversation I kind of put him on the spot and asked him about his intentions when we started emailing, once we realized we were neighbors. Did he keep emailing because we were neighbors and he just wanted to be friendly? Or was he "interested"? (He did respond to a personals post after all). And he said it was a little bit of both. But then teased me a bit for putting him on the spot because "he's shy."

b) He works a TON (3 jobs). But he commented recently that if the right girl came along who would understand his work situation and give it some time to get to know each other that he would back off the work stuff and spend some time with said girl. I feel like if he thought I was "that girl" this would have happened already (we've been talking/getting to know each other for 3.5 months).

SO, to get to the actual point of my story. I'm moving this weekend. If we never wanted to see/hear from each other again, we wouldn't have to. We don't have mutual friends; our work doesn't cross paths. The only thing that ties us together now is being neighbors and our friendship. I feel like laying it all out on the line and letting him know I'm interested, if he doesn't know it already. I feel like there is no way he CAN'T know, but I've also been told that men are dense. LOL I feel like the forgone conclusion is that he isn't interested, but that I need to hear it from him once and for all. I think that is really the worst that can happen, and it isn't that bad. So should I do it? What should I say? Everything I think of makes me feel like I'm in junior high again (do you like me, check yes or no sort of thing).

Thanks for reading!

[and1grad]

Since you've never been on a date, maybe you should ask him out on one. Are you moving far away?

[old_school_soul]

Wow. You guys move slow. He responded to your ad and didn't know it was you. That's awesome. Completely and totally make a move on him before you go. Ask him over for a beer, watch some TV and do the damn thing. It's worth losing him as a friend if you're really into him it's going to get harder to be his friend as time goes on unless you or he starts dating someone else.

[nicole06]

and1grad - good question. No, I'm not moving far away at all. Still the same city, kind of (just one of the suburbs).

old_school_soul: Yeah, its already hard to be his friend; living right next door is hard too. And I'm not really worried about losing the friendship at all. My two thoughts right now are either I'll move and the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" thing will kick in and he'll realize what he missed (that is the deep down hopeful side of me) OR we'll never hear from each other again. I use the term "friend" kind of loosely.

[KCboy]

what the hell do you have to lose?


Don't give him some long drawn out "I've grown really attached and think I migh be in love" speech. That freaks people out.

Just get together, and go in for a kiss. You said, and he admitted, he is shy. You probably both share the same apprehensiveness, and he didn't want to get rejected.

He is probably thinking the same thing, "I'll see what happens after she leaves, see if she's still interested." Then neither of you do anything and both assume there was no interest.

If you don't make a move before leave, you'll never talk to him again.

[Bocheezu]

Yeah, no question, taking the passive approach and "waiting to see what happens" is always the wrong answer.

[wordsmith]

Since you're still living in the same area, why not? In fact, it would be BETTER, IMO, to date somebody once they're no longer a neighbor. Less potential uncomfortability if things go south.

[blamblamblam]

He would have made a move if he likes you. From everything you've written it doesn't look like he does. If you just want to hook up go for it, but I doubt he wants to be with you.

[ugarachel82]

The whole thing screams movie script to me. Funny that he responded to your post not knowing who you were...I'd go for it. What do you have to loose?

[and1grad]

Just playing devil's advocate here...but why didnt this guy make a move? I mean...he answered an ad. Turns out its the next door girl that he seems to dig. Man, I WISH I had something like that happen to me.

[blamblamblam]

Just playing devil's advocate here...but why didnt this guy make a move? I mean...he answered an ad. Turns out its the next door girl that he seems to dig. Man, I WISH I had something like that happen to me.

That's what I think. He knows you're single and looking. He's looking. If he liked you it would have happened by now.

[nicole06]

Thanks for all of your input.

blamblamblam I tend to agree with you.

I moved this weekend and the opportunity to talk never presented itself, so I've just let it go. Now I just need to let the thought of him go. I guess it would be easier if I were meeting and dating other people, but that just hasn't been happening. But that is a topic for a whole other thread.

Thanks again everyone!

[LowCarbLife]

Cute! It's like the movie 'You've Got Mail'

I think you guys should stay in contact since you have became good friends. It may release some of the awkward pressure of being neighbors and dating. He could be shy, and just not want to ask you out on a "date". He could be thinking the same exact thing you are right now.

I wouldn't put all of my energy into the guy if he hasn't already asked you out - but there must be some type of chemistry...or at least a friendly connection. Maybe do something fun for your moving out venture and tell him you would really like to stay in contact and make the effort.

But, stay a little guarded because he may not want to take it any farther for whatever reason.

It would be a good time to tell him that you could see yourself at least dating him and ask if he feels the same in return. If the answer is no, at least you would have to pass him at the former apt. If he says yes...you're in :)

[KCboy]

If he liked you it would have happened by now.

sitting back and saying "if so-and-so liked me they would have said so" never seems like a good option to me.

if everyone sat back and assumed the other person would do something, no one would ever get together.

someone's got to do something. why does it have to be him?

[oldmanwinter]

If he liked you it would have happened by now.
There are a million reasons why he could have been interested, but never made a move. There's no reason to believe that lack of a date means lack of interest.

[The Happy Hodag]

So you still got his # right? I'm reasonably certain it hasn't changed. Use it to your best advantage. If he says yes, well, you know where he lives and you can visit. If he says no, you know where he lives :evil:

-The Happy Hodag!

[nicole06]

Hahahahahaha Hodag. Yeah, the whole "I know where you live" thing won't work real well in this situation. We already have kind of an inside joke about stalking . . . its not cool. LOL

[The Happy Hodag]

Damn, I never am funny at the right time. Dammit! :rolleyes:

Seriously tho, if you're serious about this, you should make the first move.

-The Happy Hodag!

[Lucky13]

just curious has a move been made on the neighbor yet???

[nicole06]

No. I moved a couple weeks ago and never had the opportunity to talk to him. He messaged me on Facebook last weekend asking how the move went. He said something about still having my cookie sheet (true, he does) and how one of us might have to have a party or something. ??? That is all I have right now.

[sound chaser]

So, I have a feeling even before I start typing that this is going to be long-winded so that I get in all the details you might need. So for that, I apologize, but also say thank you if you read all the way through!

So, a few months back my next door neighbor in my apt building and I started talking and have become friends. Strangely enough, he responded to a personals post I had (without a photo). We didn't realize who one another were until we started emailing. So anyway, we've been friendly ever since then. We've stood out on our patios drinking and talking; we've been to each other's apts; we've even gone out to the bar one night with one of his (female) friends. We've talked about past relationships and what we're looking for for our futures. We exchanged numbers after one of our first meetings and texted pretty frequently for awhile. We've hugged once, because I initiated it. We've never been on a "date" or fooled around, or anything like that. I'm REALLY into this guy, but I don't think the feeling is mutual. Let me point out a couple things:

a) During one conversation I kind of put him on the spot and asked him about his intentions when we started emailing, once we realized we were neighbors. Did he keep emailing because we were neighbors and he just wanted to be friendly? Or was he "interested"? (He did respond to a personals post after all). And he said it was a little bit of both. But then teased me a bit for putting him on the spot because "he's shy."

b) He works a TON (3 jobs). But he commented recently that if the right girl came along who would understand his work situation and give it some time to get to know each other that he would back off the work stuff and spend some time with said girl. I feel like if he thought I was "that girl" this would have happened already (we've been talking/getting to know each other for 3.5 months).

SO, to get to the actual point of my story. I'm moving this weekend. If we never wanted to see/hear from each other again, we wouldn't have to. We don't have mutual friends; our work doesn't cross paths. The only thing that ties us together now is being neighbors and our friendship. I feel like laying it all out on the line and letting him know I'm interested, if he doesn't know it already. I feel like there is no way he CAN'T know, but I've also been told that men are dense. LOL I feel like the forgone conclusion is that he isn't interested, but that I need to hear it from him once and for all. I think that is really the worst that can happen, and it isn't that bad. So should I do it? What should I say? Everything I think of makes me feel like I'm in junior high again (do you like me, check yes or no sort of thing).

Thanks for reading!

yes! ask him!

You might regret not asking him, and wondering what could have been. I think in life, we regret the things we didn't do more than the things we did.

[KCboy]

He messaged me on Facebook last weekend asking how the move went. He said something about still having my cookie sheet (true, he does) and how one of us might have to have a party or something. ??? That is all I have right now.

so, he initiated contact after the move, created an excuse for seeing you again (cookie sheet), and offered the idea of getting together...

...and you say "that's all I have right now"?

that's plenty! If he didn't think anything of you he would have never said anything and kept the cookie sheet. I suggest you respond, tell him he's sweet for thinking about you, and say yes to getting together (don't mention the cookie sheet).

I suggest you give a day and time, otherwise he may just think you are being polite. He'll will either accept or counter-offer a different day and time, and wah-lah there's your date!

[nicole06]

I was going to copy and paste the conversation, then I realized it was in an IM format, not an email. However, after the fact, he did initiate the following conversation after seeing my status updates on Facebook & MySpace:

Neighbor Boy: So whats with all this being shocked stuff? And why do you have until Aug 29 to find a new job? You getting booted from the old one?
Hows the new place treating you, everything moved in and in its place?

Me:Thanks for being so sensitive and caring. LOL Yes, to use your terms, I am being booted. I got called into a meeting with my supervisor and the big boss man yesterday morning. They are actually eliminating my position. The real estate market sucks, yada yada. But I guess I'm not the only one being hit; our marketing director got knocked down to part time and our office manager may go from 3 days/week to 2. They are sensitive to my situation and want to give me as much time as they can, so they are making my last day the 29th, unless I find something beforehand. But they would like me to stay as long as I can. It would have been even more of a shock if I wasn't already looking, but it still made me shake!

I can't tell you how much I love the new place. I can't believe all this space! I'm still amazed at having a bedroom! LOL I lived in that studio for a year, so I think the space adjustment might take the longest! Pretty much everything is settled. Now its just time for detail stuff, but it will all come with time. I'm not in a big hurry. I hope to stay here for awhile.

How about you? How are you? I see you were working crazy hours for awhile and now are just on a long streak. Nothing new I guess ;-) Got a new neighbor to pester you yet? LOL Honestly, though, I'm not sure you'll find anyone to make you cookies again ;-) And, um, not sure how to bring this up, but it appears you may have decided to post on CL? Or are your co-workers playing tricks on you again? LOL I saw something that sounds mysteriously like you when I was on there for a friend ;-) hahaha How is that working for you?

Wow, this got long. Sorry. Apparently I miss talking to you! ;-) We should do something one of these days. Get some food or a drink or something. Hell, if I end up unemployed I could 100% accommodate your schedule. LOL But then you might have to pay cuz I'll be poor hahahaha OK I"m done; I promise...

Neighbor Boy: HAHA...I finally decided to post an ad on CL....same results though...NADA. Well, except for that recovering coke addict ex-stripper.
That might go somewhere! LMAO
I hope you're able to find a new job!!

Me: Thanks, me too! I have an interview this morning; a meeting Friday morning with the staffing service that found my current job; and am taking a test next Thursday in the next step for a City of Madison job.
The former coke addict sounds lovely. I'm sure you two will be very happy. LMAO

We haven't talked since these emails went back and forth (Aug 5/6). You'll see I kinda of mentioned something about getting together and it appears to me that he blew it off. Maybe I was too subtle...

[KCboy]

Maybe I was too subtle...

from your first post it seemed like he said you two should get together, but then it looks like you mentioned it in a long email and he didn't really respond. in fact, your whole conversation didn't seem to go the way you said it did at first. he didn't say anything about the cookie sheet.

I would probably bring up doing something again. But by itself in a quick note - maybe say "hey, I'm going to be in our old neighborhood again on [saturday the 23rd], you want to meet me at [Joe's House of Mush] at [6pm]?"

what's the worst that could happen? it could end up being a friendship, relationship, or nothing, but doesn't hurt to ask. if nothing after that, oh well.

[nicole06]

The cookie sheet conversation was in an IM that I don't have saved. The emails that I posted came after that.

[KCboy]

The cookie sheet conversation was in an IM that I don't have saved. The emails that I posted came after that.

either way, I still like my approach:

maybe say "hey, I'm going to be in our old neighborhood again on [saturday the 23rd], you want to meet me at [Joe's House of Mush] at [6pm]?"

[and1grad]

I dont think you should mention going out again. It was there, he ignored it and made a joke about dating some druggie. This reeks of lost cause to me.

[spiritedaway]

Yeah, you put it out there, and he ignored that comment.

I'd leave it for now.

[wordsmith]

I'd "next" him at this point, too. Even if he is interested but expressing it poorly, the awkward response to your not-really-very-subtle hint was lame.

[ddrost1]

Yeah, you put it out there, and he ignored that comment.

I'd leave it for now.

AGREED. who the heck talks about their CL posting looking for a date and then getting a drug addict when they're blatantly being e- hit on? :eek: you can do better!

[drummer]

I think the drug addict thing was obviously a joke. So I wouldn't get too worked up over the, "He mentioned dating a druggie? Clearly a loser!" way of thinking.

But yeah, it did seem like he kind of ignored you when you suggested hanging out, yet you did do so in the middle of a long instant message from you (four paragraphs long). I don't see any problem if you talk to him again, mentioning you'd be up for hanging out.