Made a mistake, told someone I like about it.

[DuckFan]

I'll make a long story short.

I have only been seeing this girl I like for about 10 days. We have moved really quickly, but it feels natural, and it feels right.

We have spent quite a bit of time together over this time period. We met on match.com, so we are both well aware that we are/could be on other dates.

This past Friday I went out of town to visit some old college buddies. I had WAY TOO MUCH to drink and ended up having sex with a woman whose name I do not even know.

For some reason I told the girl I am 'seeing' about this. I never want to keep things from her. So, I told her. She isn't happy.

Now, I am really upset with myself. I am ALWAYS hard on myself, and this is no exception. But, should I be THIS upset? I've only known her for a little less than two weeks.
How mad can she be? We weren't exclusive. If we were, I would fully expect her to leave me.
She has told me that she still likes me. She feels the same way I do. But, things need to slow down. So, I know feelings are still there. But, I don't want to minimize what I did, however, I also don't want to blow it out of proportion. She isn't my girlfriend.

Can I get some thoughts on all of this?

[nateb66]

I dunno man, even though you aren't serious, you said shit moved fast. She probably feels like she didn't draw your interest enough, like insecure about whether or not she is good enough for you. Think about it, if you thought you were making progress with this girl and having a great time, and she went and screwed someone else, you might feel like you weren't good enough for her or whatever (especially if you guys were currently sleeping together, which I don't know if you guys are or not.) I don't think it's the end of the world but kind of a bad start to things.

[Sagiquarius]

I don't think it's the end of the world. You did say she still likes you and wants to continue things. At the same time it's not so bueno. Maybe she values the honesty. Maybe she sees it as a sign that you do truly care about what could be. I don't know. But I'm almost certain that she's questioning your judgment and wondering whether you'll do this every time you go out drinking. So the relationship may continue but as far as gaining her everlasting trust I think you may have gummed up the proverbial works.

Now you can sit here and read replies all day or you can do the one thing that may be worth a damn to you. Voice your concerns to her. If you like her so much that what you did is getting to you at such a deep level, then talk to her. See how she feels. If she's willing to move on and let that be that then leave it be. Don't blow it out of proportion. If it still needs some working through then commit to it if she means that much to you.

[and1grad]

I'm hope you're as mad at yourself about sleeping with some woman you dont know as you are about attempting to sabotage your current relationship.

[winneythepooh7]

Thinking about how I would feel if I were in her shoes---------I probably wouldn't trust you very much if you could sleep with someone that easily. I also would be concerned that you may have issues with alcohol. Just being honest........that may not be the case, but that is what it would look like and raise a bunch of red flags to someone just starting to get to know someone.

I think you really have a lot to prove to her at this point if you want things to work out.

[blamblamblam]

Next time you do this don't tell the woman you're seeing that you slept with some nameless girl while you were drunk. There really wasn't any reason to bring it up if you're not exclusive. Regardless of what boundaries or rules you have in your relationship no one really wants to hear about another woman. It's just crass.

[Krishna]

If it were me, not only would I be mad, but I would have written you off right then and there. No matter how much you had to drink, this would be inexcusable to me....even if we weren't "exclusive," I expect someone who is really interested in me won't be sleeping with other people.

[spiritedaway]

Yeah, I'm sorry to say ...that I would react the same way. In fact, I'd probably break it off. I would appreciate your honesty, but one could easily argue that you told her to get the guilt of your chest because you know it was unfair to the girl you like? :?:

Having too much to drink is no excuse. If I were in the same situation, in my mind, I would question your judgment and your control over alcohol. Second, I would question whether you were interested in me (probably not that much if you decide to sleep with someone else). Third, exclusivity or not, dating around is one thing. Sleeping with someone else is another. Reverse the scenerio and I'm sure you wouldn't be happy if the girl you like (and have moved fast with and have feelings for) suddenly decided to sleep with another guy when she had one too many to drink. See what I'm saying...what would you do if the situation is reversed?

P.S. Notice some of the gender difference in the responses so far? I think you have your work cut out for you...good luck.

If it were me, not only would I be mad, but I would have written you off right then and there. No matter how much you had to drink, this would be inexcusable to me....even if we weren't "exclusive," I expect someone who is really interested in me won't be sleeping with other people.

[spokes]

i can say that i have been hammered on more than one occasion and somehow my penis never accidently fell into anyone - if I were her I'd tell you to put your ad back up on match.

Good luck salvaging this one.

[blamblamblam]

i can say that i have been hammered on more than one occasion and somehow my penis never accidently fell into anyone - if I were her I'd tell you to put your ad back up on match.

Good luck salvaging this one.

That's a really judgemental post. Why does it matter if he decided to sleep with a woman while drunk? It's not inherently bad or immoral. His dumb mistake was telling the woman he cares about and doing it while he is trying to build a relationship with this other woman. Sleeping with someone doesn't have to mean anything all the time or be this big huge moment. People don't always hold a lot of attachment to it, and that's completely fine. He's obviously different than you, so there's no need to try and make him feel guilt over his sexual choices.

[DuckFan]

Ah, yes.

The moral police come out in droves.

Look I am truly upset with myself for a number of reasons. However, some have you have expressed shock, etc.

That's great.

Ask yourself if you TRULY want someone you are seeing to be honest with you. What, you would be pissed if they hid something from you?

Look, I am not being defensive. I asked for input and I am glad I got it.

I am actually going to the DR tomorrow, because I may have been slipped something. Laugh if you want. But, I can't recall several hours. My watch and credit card are missing. Hmm.......

To those that suggest I have a drinking "issue." Let me ask: Have you never had too much to drink.

I feel bad about all of it. This is easily one of the top 3 worst nights of my life. OF MY LIFE. That includes deaths of family and friends.

There is so much to address here. Sex can be fun, exciting, passionate, etc.
In this case, it was a mistake, but we all have different views on sex.

I chose to be honest with someone I've known for 10 days. She is free to see other people. I know that. She knows that. We aren't bf/gf.

I want to own up to my mistakes. And I am.

But, the I am really intrigued by those that condemn first, ask questions second.

I guess we all agree to disagree.

Thanks for your input! I do sincerely appreciate it. That's why I posted.

[winneythepooh7]

I don't think anyone is saying you have a drinking problem per se.........but just think about how it comes across to someone just getting to know you......

[Krishna]

Ah, yes.

The moral police come out in droves.

Look I am truly upset with myself for a number of reasons. However, some have you have expressed shock, etc.

That's great.

Ask yourself if you TRULY want someone you are seeing to be honest with you. What, you would be pissed if they hid something from you?

Look, I am not being defensive. I asked for input and I am glad I got it.

I am actually going to the DR tomorrow, because I may have been slipped something. Laugh if you want. But, I can't recall several hours. My watch and credit card are missing. Hmm.......

To those that suggest I have a drinking "issue." Let me ask: Have you never had too much to drink.

I feel bad about all of it. This is easily one of the top 3 worst nights of my life. OF MY LIFE. That includes deaths of family and friends.

There is so much to address here. Sex can be fun, exciting, passionate, etc.
In this case, it was a mistake, but we all have different views on sex.

I chose to be honest with someone I've known for 10 days. She is free to see other people. I know that. She knows that. We aren't bf/gf.

I want to own up to my mistakes. And I am.

But, the I am really intrigued by those that condemn first, ask questions second.

I guess we all agree to disagree.

Thanks for your input! I do sincerely appreciate it. That's why I posted.

I wouldn't say that we're the moral police...we're just saying how we'd feel given the situation. And honestly, knowing that you slept with someone else while dating me (and professing to like me a lot, etc) would be a turn off. I wouldn't have gone for it, and I would have walked away. That's all I'm saying.

[Bocheezu]

To those that suggest I have a drinking "issue." Let me ask: Have you never had too much to drink.

I don't drink at all, so I guess that's a yes.

You have to understand that there's a large number of people that don't believe in one-nighters and will consider it a dealbreaker if people think that "it's OK, it's no big deal, I was drunk, heh." I know if it was a role reversal and a woman I was dating did what you did, I'd point her to the door and tell her not to let it hit her on the way out.

If your woman is more forgiving or more accepting of promiscuity, then great, be happy for being honest with her.

[old_school_soul]

Yeah, the main problem is you said something to the woman. If you're going to bone chicks, drunk or not, then deal with it. The reason you told her is because you felt guilty, not because you wanted to be honest. If "being honest" were the case, then there are so many things to tell a person other than just who slobbed your knob the night before.

[and1grad]

Yeah, the main problem is you said something to the woman. If you're going to bone chicks, drunk or not, then deal with it. The reason you told her is because you felt guilty, not because you wanted to be honest. If "being honest" were the case, then there are so many things to tell a person other than just who slobbed your knob the night before.
Ha! True.

Duckfan, I dont think anybody really went moral police on you. Just told you what you were expecting to hear. You think you might have been slipped something? By your college buddies? What kind of buddy is that?

[oldmanwinter]

Why does it matter if he decided to sleep with a woman while drunk?
I believe his point is that alcohol doesn't somehow force you to sleep with a woman. If he absolutely did not want to do it while sober, it would have never happened while drunk. I don't see anything wrong with what he did, but he can't blame the alcohol for it happening.

[KCboy]

You've only known eachother for a few days, its really none of her business who you were with the night before (except when it comes to STDs).

[vivo]

You've only known eachother for a few days, its really none of her business who you were with the night before (except when it comes to STDs).
and pregnancy.
on a side note does drunken sex effecting responsible use of protection put any of the guys off here? puts me off.

[KCboy]

and pregnancy.
on a side note does drunken sex effecting responsible use of protection put any of the guys off here? puts me off.

lack of responsible use of protection puts me off, whether it has anything to do with being drunk or not.

[ScottyTheBody]

Ah, yes.

The moral police come out in droves.

Look, I am not being defensive. I asked for input and I am glad I got it.

I am actually going to the DR tomorrow, because I may have been slipped something. Laugh if you want. But, I can't recall several hours. My watch and credit card are missing. Hmm.......

To those that suggest I have a drinking "issue." Let me ask: Have you never had too much to drink.


Of course she's not going to be okay with it and you probably wouldn't be okay if she had told you that she just went out and had a one night stand too. Your honesty is a good thing to do though.

However, the second part of that is important. Did you tell her you think you might have been slipped something? This is COMPLETELY different than just getting drunk and deciding to sleep with some girl. If there's "foul play" going on here that's not necessarily your fault and she'd probably be understanding about that.

[Samwell]

For what it's worth I think you were absolutely right to tell her. Assuming "we have moved really quickly" means you're sleeping together then it's just the right thing to do, regardless of whether you're "official" or not. To me not saying something because "it's none of her business" is a cop out, and also not true.

[wordsmith]

You've only known eachother for a few days, its really none of her business who you were with the night before (except when it comes to STDs).

If they're not sexually involved, no; but it is if he's sleeping with her.

Being upfront with your sexual escapades with people you're having sex with is not the Morality Police, it's just what's the responsible, safe, and, well, adult thing to do.

It gives her the opportunity to opt out of being sexually involved if she's not comfortable with his other activities.

To the OP: Good for you for being honest. Good for her for thinking twice about things, in light of your honesty. That's the way the cookie crumbles.