Is it possible to become friends with your infatuation/crush?

[Imalmost30]

I posted a little of this in my thread...."Is he interested or just catching up?"


In short...I worked with this guy about three years ago and really liked him, but didn't do anything about it because I knew he was moving to another country. He is now back home and I bumped into him at a bar. He came up to me two to three times during the night, we had lengthy conversations both times and once he touching/rubbing my back and said he would come back and then asking if I was going to go somewhere else or go home at the end of the night.. touching/rubbing my arm as he was leaving...I told him I was going to go home and he said that it was great to see me..etc...

I've tried to figure out what that was all about for the last couple of weeks..but it is probably a lost cause....any ideas?

So my friend told me that I needed to email him/be more direct...just to get him out of my system...put my interest somewhat out there.......asking if he wanted to hang out sometime...giving him my number...etc...I did and he actually replied saying that he would give me a call and we could hang out...etc...Maybe he will ...maybe he won't....

He has also changed his relationship status....to in a relationship...it is a LDR. The girl is in another country.

My main problem is that I've liked him for a long time..had a crush/infatuated with him for a long time BUT I don't really know a lot about him!! I want to find out if I really like him or just like the "idea" of him. I'm OK with the fact that he has a girlfriend. I don't want to interfere.. BUT is it wrong for me to want to become friends with him, to hang out with him so that I can kind get rid of that picture of him in my mind and really find out who he is? Do you think this is possible? Do you think this could become a sticky situation? Do you think that night at the bar he was acting on his own attraction to me...? Please share your thoughts.....

Thanks for your responses and any advice you can give.

[vinsanity]

Interesting you ask this. I always end up being "just friends" with girls that I express interest in. It sucks. I'm not sure I'll ever have what it takes to permanently break free of the dreaded "friend zone", but I digress.

In your case, from what I can tell, he seems to be having moments of difficulty being in a LDR, and maybe that's why he likes having you around? I'm just guessing. It could be be a good idea to stick around him to put yourself out there as an "option", but a better idea would be to date other people so you look like a more desireable "option". It may sound crass, but sometimes, that's just how things are.

[LowCarbLife]

well, one thing you now know about him is that he is probably not the most loyal guy to his girlfriend. I would not like my BF long distant or night to be rubbing up on some other chica at a bar! So keep that in mind for future reference.

But, even still, being friends is one thing... but he is obviously into his GF now...until that changes I would just move on. That's just me though!

[spiritedaway]

Yes it is possible.

But he's actually in a relationship now, so I would suggest ignoring all the signs and move on, rather than to satisfy that curiosity. Would you want the same to be done to you when you're in a long distance relationship with someone else?

It's one thing if you just want to be friends first.. But if an attraction/crush/infatuation precedes it, then it's a different story.

I'm sure there are plenty of (single) guys out there who are worth your time when given the chance.

Just my 2 cents.

Good luck.

[wordsmith]

Possible, maybe? Preferable? Well, that's up to you. It wouldn't be, to me. But, I was in that position back in the day when I was a college student. It was similar to what you write, even to the extent that the guy I was interested in, but only ever friends with, ended up with a girlfriend who was for a stretch of time located in another country. He, also, was overly familiar with me (not quite skeevy, but definitely more than politely friendly) when his GF wasn't around, which made things awkward and painful, and it really prevented us from enjoying a true, non-mind-gamey friendship.

[madge86]

Just to offer a different perspective... I am good friends (he's even called me one of his "best" friends) with a guy who I've had a crush on since we met. I'm pretty sure he knows it, too (I did tell him once upon a time, but so much time has passed...who knows if he knows it still holds true). Anyway, he told me then that he believed "we'd be better off as friends." Though I still remain somewhat hopeful that our friendship will one day develop into more, I am content knowing that - at the very least - he wants to be my friend and IS a good friend to me. Meanwhile, we've both dated (not seriously) other people; we interact with one another's friends/family; we hang out regularly; etc....you know, what friends do! Is it my ideal situation? No, not exactly. But I'd much rather take the relationship I have with him over no relationship at all.

Make sense?