blueyes
07-23-2008, 04:11 PM
I'm kind of at my wits' end with a pretty good friend of mine and I'd appreciate some constructive input on how to deal with him.
We'll call him 'D'. So D is 27, unemployed (since May 2008, he quit, not fired), no degree, he lives at home, is possibly an alcoholic, has been generally depressed for some number of months now, and has no significant other. I've known D for nearly 10 years now and he has changed very little in that time. He's a genuinely good person at his core, but he has some serious issues with fabricating stories (some incredibly elaborate - and completely unbelievable - ones), lying, and having what could be considered (ridiculously) high standards for all sorts of situations: food, girlfriends, professors, jobs, you name it. He's also a know-it-all and will lie about something if he senses that you don't know much about the topic he's spinnin' yarns on. He's also a quitter: D has these unrealistic goals, but he will automatically (unconsciously?) set up himself up for failure or refuse to take even the first step to attain that goal and instantly gives up. Or, when the going gets tough, he packs up and goes home.
Our general group of friends has been aware of D's behavior for years; we try and call him out on his lying and BS as often as we catch it. We find him job offers. We try and find out information about his on-going degree. We invite him out with the group - or one-on-one - to try and break his depression up. Nothing is working. Nothing is helping this guy. He's continuing to lie to us - most recently about his job search and his degree - and he's continuing to not actively look for work and just sits around his house all day. It almost seems like he actively resists our efforts to help him - my efforts to find out about the new job he's supposedly applied for were met with staunch resistance and his explanation was that he 'just didn't feel like justifying why he was looking for jobs the way he was looking any longer'. :question:
I went out with him last night and spent two hours with him while I ran errands. His latest thing he's hooked on? He wants to get his core group of guy friends together (including my fiance, who he views as his 'best friend') and do a group therapy session to work on another guy's 'issues' with couples (we'll call the other guy 'B'). D's treat, of course - after all the discussions he's had with B this week, he feels like B really needs to work on his view of how couples are supposed to 'work'. My fiance's response to this group-therapy suggestion can't reasonably be translated into polite language that I could post here.
We're losing patience. We are giving up. None of us particuarly want our friend to bottom out, but the more he resists our attempts to help him, the more exhausted and frustrated we become. Has anyone ever dealt with a similar situation? I'm worried, exhausted, and my emotional reserves are nearly depleted. I don't want to hit empty and go on a ranting rampage at him, but I literally don't know what else to do.
We'll call him 'D'. So D is 27, unemployed (since May 2008, he quit, not fired), no degree, he lives at home, is possibly an alcoholic, has been generally depressed for some number of months now, and has no significant other. I've known D for nearly 10 years now and he has changed very little in that time. He's a genuinely good person at his core, but he has some serious issues with fabricating stories (some incredibly elaborate - and completely unbelievable - ones), lying, and having what could be considered (ridiculously) high standards for all sorts of situations: food, girlfriends, professors, jobs, you name it. He's also a know-it-all and will lie about something if he senses that you don't know much about the topic he's spinnin' yarns on. He's also a quitter: D has these unrealistic goals, but he will automatically (unconsciously?) set up himself up for failure or refuse to take even the first step to attain that goal and instantly gives up. Or, when the going gets tough, he packs up and goes home.
Our general group of friends has been aware of D's behavior for years; we try and call him out on his lying and BS as often as we catch it. We find him job offers. We try and find out information about his on-going degree. We invite him out with the group - or one-on-one - to try and break his depression up. Nothing is working. Nothing is helping this guy. He's continuing to lie to us - most recently about his job search and his degree - and he's continuing to not actively look for work and just sits around his house all day. It almost seems like he actively resists our efforts to help him - my efforts to find out about the new job he's supposedly applied for were met with staunch resistance and his explanation was that he 'just didn't feel like justifying why he was looking for jobs the way he was looking any longer'. :question:
I went out with him last night and spent two hours with him while I ran errands. His latest thing he's hooked on? He wants to get his core group of guy friends together (including my fiance, who he views as his 'best friend') and do a group therapy session to work on another guy's 'issues' with couples (we'll call the other guy 'B'). D's treat, of course - after all the discussions he's had with B this week, he feels like B really needs to work on his view of how couples are supposed to 'work'. My fiance's response to this group-therapy suggestion can't reasonably be translated into polite language that I could post here.
We're losing patience. We are giving up. None of us particuarly want our friend to bottom out, but the more he resists our attempts to help him, the more exhausted and frustrated we become. Has anyone ever dealt with a similar situation? I'm worried, exhausted, and my emotional reserves are nearly depleted. I don't want to hit empty and go on a ranting rampage at him, but I literally don't know what else to do.