Biracial Relationships

[kellybeen18]

Just curious... has anyone ever been in a bi-racial relationship? How well did it work? What were the goods and bads? Discuss....

(Just please don't turn this into a hateful thread!)

[AsianGeek]

If by bi-racial you mean dating people from other ethnicities then yes I've done it. If you can work around the culture differences it should be the same as dating someone who shares the same ethnicity as you.

[vinsanity]

Most of the relationships I've been in were inter-racial. My last serious g/f was biracial. Never really saw it as a big deal. Is it still an issue in certain parts of the country???

[AsianGeek]

It's a cultural thing. A strict jewish family has problems with their children going out with italians. A strict chinese family would have problems with their children going out with someone with dark skin. The list goes on. This generation is interesting as you got more and more people forsaking generations of tradition in the name of love.

[lostandconfused]

My wife (who is African-American) and I (Caucasian) have been together for over 6 years (since high school), and we got married last year. We live in Ohio, in a suburb of Cleveland, and we haven't really run into a lot of problems.

The good... I would say it has definitely broaded my understanding of and increased my openness to different cultures and people. Growing up in a city where the population was over 90% white, it definitely felt strange at first dating someone who I thought would be so different from me. However, I quickly learned that we have so many more similarities than differences. I think it is a great decision not to only date people within your same race/ethnic group because, if you do that, you are really limiting your options and you may miss out on opportunities that are out there.

The bad... not a whole lot. Although, I think this may depend more on your individual circumstances... The only things we've really had to deal with are some strange looks from people. I feel like people may have more of a problem in other parts of the country, and I think some people have issues with their families accepting their relationship.

Overall, I think it is a great idea to not limit yourself and to date people outside of your own race or ethnic group. Really, what have you got to lose?

[dengeist]

We had a long discussion about this a couple of years ago.

I'm biracial (don't know where that leaves me on this issue) and I'm in a interracial relationship. I've been in a few in the past too. The good is you get some exposure to some things you might not normally see. It's good insight. The bad, well sometimes some inappropriate things might be said, some of which can be small enough to ignore but stick in your craw and some things can turn into full blown arguments.

For the most part it's not that big of a deal.

[sound chaser]

Well I have a thing for Indian women (India in Asia not native American), so I guess i'd like to date inter-racially.

I think in general it depends on a few things. Of course there are cultural differences that have to be overcome. There also might be issues raised by the parents of your partner. They might not want their son/daughter to date outside their culture/religion, so that's another potential obstacle.

[spiritedaway]

Not trying to threadjack, but since we're talking about racial and cultural differences...

A colleague said the other day that he's Jewish, and he's "kind of" seeing a girl who's non-Jewish and that his parents would kill him if they find out.

That got me a little confused, since I don't know many who are Jewish (the few I've met who happened to be Jewish are incredibly nice). Are they not supposed to date outside their religion? I'm not quite sure why he made the comment that he did.

[koolkat1980]

There's nothing wrong with dating other people from different origins. So long as you're both happy.

Personally I like dating things that are different from myself. Fetishisation of the other. They look nice and it's exotic....Just hope one doesn't get problems in other areas... ie: often values and boundaries can cause friction.

[wordsmith]

And don't forget that being of the same ethnicity and/or race is absolutely NO guarantee that your values and boundaries will mesh, either. And that cultural differences that become issues and stumbling blocks can arise ALL THE TIME that have nothing to do with race or ethnicity. Everyone has differences, and they only become insurmountable when one or both parties allow them to become insurmountable.

[koolkat1980]

Personally I like dating things that are different from myself.

LOL! I meant people not things! I can't believe I typed that. Heheheh.

Yeah, Wordsmith makes a good point about values.

[drummer]

My best friend (he's caucasian) has been dating an Asian girl for two years. It's interesting to me, because they keep their relationship a 100% secret from her parents and brother (her entire family). Part of it is because she's now in med school and they think she shouldn't be dating, but even before then they kept it a secret. For example, her brother talked to a girl on instant messenger once or a few times, and his parents started asking him about marriage and so on. So I think in some cultures, people aren't as into the idea of dating different people as Americans and others might be okay with, and think that you only start dating someone if you're interested in marrying them, etc...

It does really kind of amaze me that they still haven't told her parents even after they've been dating for two years. I don't think marriage is in their sights anytime soon (she just started med school and I think wants to finish before she'd consider something like that and he wants to wait several years anyway), but I try to imagine that conversation, "Uh yeah...Mom and Dad, I'm getting married to this guy you've never met...Oh and I've been dating him for six years."

I've heard similar stories from some Indian friends of mine (and like Sound Chaser said - Indian, as in from India) whose parents forbade them from dating while in college and so they also kept their relationships a secret.

So in both cases, I don't know where their parents would stand on dating after college.

And of course my two examples do not sum up entire cultures.

[winneythepooh7]

Not trying to threadjack, but since we're talking about racial and cultural differences...

A colleague said the other day that he's Jewish, and he's "kind of" seeing a girl who's non-Jewish and that his parents would kill him if they find out.

That got me a little confused, since I don't know many who are Jewish (the few I've met who happened to be Jewish are incredibly nice). Are they not supposed to date outside their religion? I'm not quite sure why he made the comment that he did.


I dated a Jewish guy once and that was only one of the MANY reasons it didn't work out. He was pretty much demanding that I "convert" if we were to get married. He also told my family the FIRST time he met them that he would not let "our children" go to their home for Christmas because they would be Jewish and he didn't "want them to be confused".

But he also had a lot of other problems-----the fact that we came from different religions was only the tip of the iceburg why it didn't work out.

[Bocheezu]

This thread is like a ticking time bomb, but oh well.

I think most strongly religious people are very exclusive, no matter what religion they are. Religion in general is a very important part of their lives and often church is their mode of meeting potential mates. When someone doesn't share that, it can be a dealbreaker for them. Plus, there's a lot of social stigma with the whole "shame on the family" thing involved. Which I always personally think is really stupid and pig-headed, but people take tradition pretty seriously I guess.

In the "just what I heard" department, some cases work out well for a guy just because he's American. I've read that Americans are a big hit for Brazilian women because the women generally get treated like shit down there.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_Brazil

Doesn't sound too progressive to me. This is even more possible when you're talking about Arab women I imagine.

[fuzmiq]

I have always been interested in interracial dating, just hasn't happened for me yet. (I am an African-American female)

[kellybeen18]

I brought this up because I have been seeing a guy who is a different race than me (I'm white, he's black). At first, I didn't tell my parents because I didn't know how they would react. My parents raised me to be respectful of everyone, but dating someone from another race is a different story. I recently decided to tell my mom, and she was cool with it, which was a relief to me.

My grandparents, however, are very narrow-minded. Their next door neighbor is a single white woman with two bi-racial children. My grandmother often comments how sad it is that this woman got mixed up with an African American man. My grandfather and the rest of that part of my family can be very racist, and I have heard them use inappropriate language before. It makes me cringe. Luckily, I don't see them very often, and I won't let their hateful attitudes keep me from being happy, but I just think it's very sad.

On the other hand, I've seen people of both races give us mean looks when we are in public together. But, I haven't heard any rude comments.

It's such a touchy subject, that I worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. It's good to know what you all think about it, and thank you for the great comments and advice!

[and1grad]

I think a lot of the looks arent really of a disapproving nature as often now as they are of curiosity. Now that I think about it, almost every couple I know is inter-racial.

[AsianGeek]

I think a lot of the looks arent really of a disapproving nature as often now as they are of curiosity. Now that I think about it, almost every couple I know is inter-racial.

It really depends on the setting. People seem the most uncomfortable with it in the restaurant setting.

[vinsanity]

This thread is like a ticking time bomb, but oh well.

I think most strongly religious people are very exclusive, no matter what religion they are. Religion in general is a very important part of their lives and often church is their mode of meeting potential mates. When someone doesn't share that, it can be a dealbreaker for them. Plus, there's a lot of social stigma with the whole "shame on the family" thing involved. Which I always personally think is really stupid and pig-headed, but people take tradition pretty seriously I guess.

In the "just what I heard" department, some cases work out well for a guy just because he's American. I've read that Americans are a big hit for Brazilian women because the women generally get treated like shit down there.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_Brazil

Doesn't sound too progressive to me. This is even more possible when you're talking about Arab women I imagine.

I was just going to say, this is more of a phenomenon on an individual level than on a general cultural level. A few people here described strict Jewish families that would be unwilling to accept marriage into a different religion, but in my personal experience, most of the Jewish people I know are only half Jewish, and they and their families have no problem at all reconciling two different cultures. And on the other hand, I dated a Mormon girl briefly, and in spite of her being seemingly enlightened and progressive-minded, she was at odds with the idea of dating outside her religion from day one. It's a shame, but I'm not one to try to change other people, for better or for worse.

On that note, if my current conquests don't work out, I'm going to try to snag me a hot Arab or Brazilian woman <3

[dengeist]

I brought this up because I have been seeing a guy who is a different race than me (I'm white, he's black). At first, I didn't tell my parents because I didn't know how they would react. My parents raised me to be respectful of everyone, but dating someone from another race is a different story. I recently decided to tell my mom, and she was cool with it, which was a relief to me.

My grandparents, however, are very narrow-minded. Their next door neighbor is a single white woman with two bi-racial children. My grandmother often comments how sad it is that this woman got mixed up with an African American man. My grandfather and the rest of that part of my family can be very racist, and I have heard them use inappropriate language before. It makes me cringe. Luckily, I don't see them very often, and I won't let their hateful attitudes keep me from being happy, but I just think it's very sad.

On the other hand, I've seen people of both races give us mean looks when we are in public together. But, I haven't heard any rude comments.

It's such a touchy subject, that I worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. It's good to know what you all think about it, and thank you for the great comments and advice!

I've been in that kind of situation. Sometimes that can get a little ugly, particularly when you are alone with your family, maybe not so much when he's around. Sometimes that makes you want the person more.

Good luck and remember, it's really not about race and don't let other people make it about race.

[Echo]

Bocheezu is right in saying that Arab/Brazillian women would love to snag a western man. Take me for example, I'm a girl of middle-eastern origin, second generation Turkish (British through naturalisation) and I really don't feel very attracted to guys from the middle-east.

It's not just that they tend to be hairier, have mono-brows and are chubbier because they like their mum's cooking (I realise I'm being racist to my own kind). But they can be more egotistical and macho and their red-bloodedness can be intimidating. I'm not saying these qualities are only to be found in middle-eastern men. I dislike any men of any race/ethnicity who display such characteristics.

My current bf is French, he's totally respectful of me and non-threatening. My exes have all been English guys. I like guys to think of me as unusual, quirky, and exotic.

[wordsmith]

I don't like machismo, regardless of the guy's ethnicity; I find it arrogant, annoying, and offputting. Gotta have me a sweet-natured teddy bear. Just a personal thing. My boyfriend is Italian and from New York, which traditional stereotypes would have you think corner the market on machismo. Thankfully, he defies the stereotypes, and couldn't be further from that caricature.

[Lucky13]

I've been waiting for someone to post a thread like this. I like to consider myself an equal opportunity dater. My mom never raised me to see "color". She never said one work about my best friend being of another ethnicity. The only reason it comes up in my adult life is because people ask. I don't bring it it...and by it I mean the ethnicity of the person I am interested in. I am all for interracial dating. I try not to discriminate be' I don't want to miss out on someone that could be the best man I have ever known or even a best friend. I had this talk with my mom about a week ago and she asked what my preference was but I told her be'c of the bad experiences I have had with african american men I don't always lean that way. I am an african american woman and I don't mean for that to sound like I don't or will not date black men ( i can't blame men from the future be'c of those of the past). Truth is ...I love everyone. I don't think its wrong to stay w/in your race and to me it's also not bad to step outside the lines.Either way...do what's best for you. I appreciate my mom for teaching me to keep an open mind and try new things and be an EOD (equal opp dater)

[Millenial]

Bocheezu is right in saying that Arab/Brazillian women would love to snag a western man. Take me for example, I'm a girl of middle-eastern origin, second generation Turkish (British through naturalisation) and I really don't feel very attracted to guys from the middle-east.

It's not just that they tend to be hairier, have mono-brows and are chubbier because they like their mum's cooking (I realise I'm being racist to my own kind). But they can be more egotistical and macho and their red-bloodedness can be intimidating. I'm not saying these qualities are only to be found in middle-eastern men. I dislike any men of any race/ethnicity who display such characteristics.

My current bf is French, he's totally respectful of me and non-threatening. My exes have all been English guys. I like guys to think of me as unusual, quirky, and exotic.
Damn send them my way lol.

[PenforPrez]

In the "just what I heard" department, some cases work out well for a guy just because he's American. I've read that Americans are a big hit for Brazilian women because the women generally get treated like shit down there.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_Brazil

Same with Russian women. There's still something like five women for every three men in Russia due to the vast number of Russian men who died in World War II. My Russian professor in college was from Moscow and married a French Canadian man. That's why all those Russian dating/mail-order bride services have popped up since the end of the Cold War.

Paul

[Echo]

Same with Russian women. There's still something like five women for every three men in Russia due to the vast number of Russian men who died in World War II. My Russian professor in college was from Moscow and married a French Canadian man. That's why all those Russian dating/mail-order bride services have popped up since the end of the Cold War.

Paul

Yes but surely that's not true anymore for the younger generation (the population ratio thing), unless guys from the west want to marry old Russian ladies :p (nothing inherently wrong with that)

I think a lot of them do it to escape poverty, to open up their life prospects and to see more of the world. If you're a reasonably attractive Russian young lady from a remote town and the only guys to marry are alcoholics or macho guys or whatever, then marrying a man from the west might be a better option. Women tend to be more developed and want a more educated man who will treat her with respect.

[vivo]

Bocheezu is right in saying that Arab/Brazillian women would love to snag a western man. Take me for example, I'm a girl of middle-eastern origin, second generation Turkish (British through naturalisation) and I really don't feel very attracted to guys from the middle-east.

It's not just that they tend to be hairier, have mono-brows and are chubbier because they like their mum's cooking (I realise I'm being racist to my own kind). But they can be more egotistical and macho and their red-bloodedness can be intimidating. I'm not saying these qualities are only to be found in middle-eastern men. I dislike any men of any race/ethnicity who display such characteristics.

My current bf is French, he's totally respectful of me and non-threatening. My exes have all been English guys. I like guys to think of me as unusual, quirky, and exotic.

a lot of 2nd gen immigrant females must feel this way. maybe most.
religion can be a problem sometimes for middle easterners on top of ethnicity.

[Viola]

I dated a Jewish guy once and that was only one of the MANY reasons it didn't work out. He was pretty much demanding that I "convert" if we were to get married. He also told my family the FIRST time he met them that he would not let "our children" go to their home for Christmas because they would be Jewish and he didn't "want them to be confused".

But he also had a lot of other problems-----the fact that we came from different religions was only the tip of the iceburg why it didn't work out.

I'm half hispanic and half-ummm white (not sure what country of origin that part is from). I was raised Mormon but I'm not religious now. My (wonderful) boyfriend whom I have been with for two years is Jewish. It has been amazing dating him. He's honest, kind, intelligent, and a talented musician. Both of his parents are Jewish and they both love me. I think it's because they REALLY want some grandkids! But I'm totally not expected to change my beliefs. I think he mentioned his grandparents might have had a problem with us dating (they've passed away) but that's the way older generation. It has something to do with keeping their culture going.

If we do get married and have children I see no problem at all with raising them Jewish. I think it is a beautiful religion and culture. I'm sorry your experience didn't go so well.

[Echo]

I'd love to date a Jewish guy (provided he's not from Israel - I find the people too aggressive in their manners). I've always wondered what it must feel like to be Jewish, you know with the whole persecution complex and the whole elite club thing.

But yeah, it must be hard to disrespected for not being Jewish enough for your bf's relatives.

[sound chaser]

Just as a kind of tangent here, could it be said that there are good or bad reasons to date interracially?

It seems to me that some people date interracially based on stereotypes of a specific race/ethnicity. Like a white woman, for example, might date black men since she thinks they have staying power or are overly nubile. Or a non-East Asian man would date East Asian women since he thinks they are submissive, non-Indian date Indian women because he thinks they are wild in bed because of the Kama Sutra, etc.

I said in this thread that I like Indian women, but it's largely because of aesthetics and not any silly stereotype. I don't like to stereotype people in general.

[ebrillblaiddes]

It's 10:30 PM my time and I'm running on less than 4 hours sleep last night so this might not make sense. You have been warned.


I think part of the Jewish thing might be that traditionally the religion/culture is considered to pass through the mom, so strictly speaking the kids would have to convert when they're old enough if their mom isn't Jewish, even if that's what they're raised in. (disclaimer: not an expert so I could easily be misremembering, also I think this is one of the things that varies between Orthodox and Reform)

As far as interracial dating in general, I don't see the big deal as long as the people get along. I guess that's because my cousins on one branch have a black dad (in a mostly white family). We were raised, not through preaching political correctness at us but by just being around diversity as something normal, to see people as...people. Now, we called each other plenty of names when we were little (that's part of normal), but racial words were never in that mix because it would never have occurred to us that it was a bad thing, and every kid knows that bad things are what you insult someone with.

One thing, though...I think that it's really important, if a mixed-race couple has kids, for both parents to stay really involved (even if they split up as a couple). When a kid's parents are the same culture, either parent can teach them about it. When a kid's parents are different cultures, the kid is part of both and needs to be able to learn about both and I don't know any way of teaching a culture that you're not part of (I guess the next closest thing would be to get someone else from that culture to mentor the kid).

[cupkake]

I would surely date another race but like I said in a previous post it's like they look and don't speak WHAT"S THE POINT? Maybe I'm intimidating? lol but I hate when that happens if they're cute :eek: . I like when men come to me because it shows a high level of interest like they know they want a chance because I find whoever approaches first somewhat loses that 'upperhand' ;).

My cupkake can get sprinkled by those guys but they obviously transform into scaredy cats. The older men will approach because I guess they are beyond the 'hangups' but I'm not on the grandfather train @ the moment...sorry...my ideal wedding is not in a nursing home. :p

[Deni81]

All of my serious relationships have been with men outside of my ethnic group (i'm hispanic). I just have always found myself more attracted to white guys than hispanic guys. My current boyfriend is Irish American and his family loves me and my parents love him.

[Spinderella]

I'm black and have dated them all, I guess. Black, white, mixed, hispanic. But the first time I dated outside of my race (3 years ago) I was very uneasy about it too, not because of my family (they would of been more upset about his religious denomination rather than his skin color) but just because it was something new and I was also weird about how we'd be perceived (yes, we live in a big city but the black community still carries an unfair stigma towards black woman who date white men)

But a few months into the relationship (he was 31 and a hippie, I was 21 and had never even been on my own) so much to both our surprise we fell in love, moved in togethor and to this day I still cherish what we had even after we went our seperate ways. My point, is its OK to feel uneasy about it. It doesn't make you a racist as many may perceive it. I think you should talk to him about it and let him know how you are feeling.

What's ironic is I was seeing this one guy in a metal band who had never been with a black chick till me and he was open about his uneasiness about it all but we're still friends so its important to be open about it so at least if things don't work out you can remain friends (now I get into all his shows for free!) :rolleyes: