cbcupolo
10-22-2008, 04:55 PM
OK, I am at a point where I definately need advice. I know what I have to do, I just don't know how. Here's the situation:
I have been dating someone for 9 years. Yeah, I know, a long long time. We live together and have for the last 5 years. We get along great, and rarely have a dissagreement or fight. Two years ago, he got hurt. Not too bad, but enough that he had to give up his current job (cleaning pools). But it was like he just gave up on doing ANYTHING, expecting me to take care of him. I'm not going to go into the details at the moment, but it was a very difficult time. But despite my family and friends warning me that I shouldn't, I let him lean on me for a while. It caused me to have to pick up the 2nd job(my own personal hell-see my QLC thread for details on that one) and we had to move. Once we got settled in the new place things with him picked up again, he healed, got a new job, and things were better.
Then about a year ago he just gave up again. I don't know how to explain it. He didn't get hurt, and there was no excuse, he just found a reason to quit his job like "they didn't like him enough" of something. Probably his own QLC, I'm sure, and it was definately a form of mild depression. But then he didn't really look for another job, he just expected me to pay the bills while he stayed home and played video games or whatever.
Through both of these times I supported him without question, not even acting like it bothered me, just waiting for him to figure himself out. Eventually, he got out of it again, and now he has a steady job that he likes and things are good in that respect.
The problem now is this:
I think that the way I feel about him has changed. I don't think this is a rough patch in our relationship - all those times where I was thinking about leaving him because he wasn't contributing to our life together I didn't leave because I did love him. I would never put myself through all of that with him if I didn't. And believe me, I double checked my feelings for him frequently during that time. But now, and I don't know why, my feelings have changed. I still love him in a way, but more like a best friend than a lover or husband.
Our life situation right now is that I work days (2 jobs, so 7 days a week, all day and evening) and he works nights. So we take shifts in our house, breifly meeting for dinner. I feel like a criminal each day that goes by without comming clean with him. And I feel terrible too, because, I know that this will just crush him. 5 years ago he moved far away from all his family for me and now what am I supposed to do? I NEED to tell him, to come clean with him, it's just ripping me up, but I don't want to hurt him. Is there any way to do this right?
I have been dating someone for 9 years. Yeah, I know, a long long time. We live together and have for the last 5 years. We get along great, and rarely have a dissagreement or fight. Two years ago, he got hurt. Not too bad, but enough that he had to give up his current job (cleaning pools). But it was like he just gave up on doing ANYTHING, expecting me to take care of him. I'm not going to go into the details at the moment, but it was a very difficult time. But despite my family and friends warning me that I shouldn't, I let him lean on me for a while. It caused me to have to pick up the 2nd job(my own personal hell-see my QLC thread for details on that one) and we had to move. Once we got settled in the new place things with him picked up again, he healed, got a new job, and things were better.
Then about a year ago he just gave up again. I don't know how to explain it. He didn't get hurt, and there was no excuse, he just found a reason to quit his job like "they didn't like him enough" of something. Probably his own QLC, I'm sure, and it was definately a form of mild depression. But then he didn't really look for another job, he just expected me to pay the bills while he stayed home and played video games or whatever.
Through both of these times I supported him without question, not even acting like it bothered me, just waiting for him to figure himself out. Eventually, he got out of it again, and now he has a steady job that he likes and things are good in that respect.
The problem now is this:
I think that the way I feel about him has changed. I don't think this is a rough patch in our relationship - all those times where I was thinking about leaving him because he wasn't contributing to our life together I didn't leave because I did love him. I would never put myself through all of that with him if I didn't. And believe me, I double checked my feelings for him frequently during that time. But now, and I don't know why, my feelings have changed. I still love him in a way, but more like a best friend than a lover or husband.
Our life situation right now is that I work days (2 jobs, so 7 days a week, all day and evening) and he works nights. So we take shifts in our house, breifly meeting for dinner. I feel like a criminal each day that goes by without comming clean with him. And I feel terrible too, because, I know that this will just crush him. 5 years ago he moved far away from all his family for me and now what am I supposed to do? I NEED to tell him, to come clean with him, it's just ripping me up, but I don't want to hurt him. Is there any way to do this right?