when I was little

[Echo]

When I was 10 or 11 years old, I used to wonder many things: what kind of person I'd become (someone rich and interesting), what kind of a house would I live in (big and beautiful) and what kind of a job would I do (doctor or teacher)... but one thing that always seemed very vague and blurry was what kind of a guy would I be with.

I used to dream of having a futuristic wristwatch that could answer all my questions with colour and sound. I'd dream of asking it the question : please can you show me the picture of the person who will be my future husband? And I imagined being given a picture of a little boy my age and I'd gasp and be shocked or excited....

Lol, now I'm all grown up for the most part and I know that marriage and relationships aren't like fairytales at all but I would still like to see the picture of the person I'd end up with. The problem is, such a device hasn't been invented yet and is probably impossible to create.

When you were little, what kind of a relationship did you imagine for yourself?

[LaFille]

When you were little, what kind of a relationship did you imagine for yourself?
How's this for a Freudian answer: I always thought I'd wind up with someone like my dad.

I'm not trying to be sick or anything but the older I get the more this is true- obviously I feel differently about boyfriends than I do about my dad, but my dad's an awesome guy and I would never settle for anyone less.

[wordsmith]

I can identify with that. My dad's a standup guy, and a guy sharing a lot of his traits isn't really a bad deal at all.

In any case, I'm not sure I thought a ton about it until I was probably pre-teen-ish. I was 11/12 before I got my first real crush. For me, it was the boy who was the most clever in the class. He got a lot of attention because he was really quick-witted and funny.

[Echo]

How's this for a Freudian answer: I always thought I'd wind up with someone like my dad.

I'm not trying to be sick or anything but the older I get the more this is true- obviously I feel differently about boyfriends than I do about my dad, but my dad's an awesome guy and I would never settle for anyone less.

That's interesting, because I always try to go for someone the opposite of my dad because I never really admired him and he has never made an effort to be loved by us. And he has bad traits: cowardly, negative, pathetic. By contrast, I seek guys who are positive, proactive, energetic, tall and non-skinny.

And the thing is, it's normal for people to look at their opposite sex parent as a model for their own future spouse. For example my ex bf. Now he really loves his mother and when I met her for the first time it felt like I had met an older version of myself (obviously she looks different and is French, but still), we had similar taste in decoration, music, art, we're both very sensitive, bossy and seeking harmony and compromise.

When you love someone in your family, you want your future friendships and relationships to provide you with the same type of love. I always become best friends with girls who are similar to my sisters, I get on well with middle-aged ladies who remind me of my mom etc. And as for guys, I'm totally confused because I feel ambiguous about my dad, he wasn't a good husband to my mom or an amazing dad to us.

[ugarachel82]

That's interesting, because I always try to go for someone the opposite of my dad because I never really admired him and he has never made an effort to be loved by us. And he has bad traits: cowardly, negative, pathetic. By contrast, I seek guys who are positive, proactive, energetic, tall and non-skinny.

And the thing is, it's normal for people to look at their opposite sex parent as a model for their own future spouse. For example my ex bf. Now he really loves his mother and when I met her for the first time it felt like I had met an older version of myself (obviously she looks different and is French, but still), we had similar taste in decoration, music, art, we're both very sensitive, bossy and seeking harmony and compromise.

When you love someone in your family, you want your future friendships and relationships to provide you with the same type of love. I always become best friends with girls who are similar to my sisters, I get on well with middle-aged ladies who remind me of my mom etc. And as for guys, I'm totally confused because I feel ambiguous about my dad, he wasn't a good husband to my mom or an amazing dad to us.

I can totally relate to this thread and to this post. I have always thought of who I'd end up with but have never seen myself as part of a couple at the same time. I also get a long very well with middle-aged women that remind me of my mom, but not so much with men of any age. I have trouble relating and finding common ground. I don't know why this is really. When I was younger I had crushes on the smart, quiet boys of the class. Probably because I was the smart quiet girl and never knew quite how to approach anyone.

[meatwad]

I always imagined I'd be the leader of the human resistance in the war against the machines. That or a used car salesman.

[AsianGeek]

When I was 10, I wanted to marry a princess... Today, I think I'd like to hook up with a female ninja.

Going back to reality, my ideal girl went from sweet, innocent, and naive to someone who's got her head on her shoulders and "cunning"

[vinsanity]

During elementary school, I always had a secret crush on the prettiest girl in the class. In the 6th grade, one other girl had what I can only recall seemed like a huge crush on me, and wasn't very secret about it at all. I was actually pretty embarrassed, and my startled reaction was to keep blowing her off. Later that year, my crush moved out of state without me being able to finally tell her how I felt. I was then shocked at how the girl who had a crush on me got over me and moved right along. Thus establishing the pattern for the next 15 years of my life.

[wordsmith]

I think I've generally always gone for the guys who would, for whatever reason, be otherwise overlooked by others. Often it's been because they've been the shyer guys, or super low-key. I've always felt super lucky, even something bordering on smug, when I've ended up with one of these guys, because it's like I uncovered my very own treasure trove that other people didn't see, for whatever reason. Like hidden treasure. With my current boyfriend, I'm his first real girlfriend, and people (coworkers, relatives, etc.) who meet him are endlessly telling me how lucky I am, what a jewel I've managed to find. I have to agree, and think, "Yeah, and he was on the market for quite a while, think of how many people missed this, could be enjoying exactly this awesomeness ?" I AM lucky. But it's not just luck, it's also because of the way I've pretty much always operated...I'm sensitive, I pay attention to the people who don't always make themselves so obvious, and I'm very observant and don't overlook things or people who others might.

Plus, guys that always had the lion's share of everyone's attention never held much appeal for me. You can only live like that for so long before you start to feel entitled to that type of attention, so I never figured they'd be particularly needing of mine, to add to the pile. That's why I never was the girl mooning over the star of the baskeball team (or student council president, trumpet section leader, pick your demographic and whoever the top dog is at a that), etc. Call me a sucker for the "underrated" guys.

[gemma-dahl]

I always imagined I'd be the leader of the human resistance in the war against the machines. That or a used car salesman.


Hahahaha!!!

Um...hmmm. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to marry Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. My partner is really tall and skinny, so that works. He isn't stuffed with hay, though, and he definitely has a big brain. ;):

The dumbest crush I had was in high school, on a football player who was older than I was. He was always leaving me notes at my locker and hitting on me and coming up and massaging my shoulders and he even danced with me at the school dances. Looking back, some of the stuff he did was borderline sexual harassment, and the dude was a hardcore, Sean Hannity-style conservative, anyway (not to mention a typical kegger-loving "bro" who acted sort of like the "Kevin" character in Daria), but the memories are pretty funny.

[gemma-dahl]

I should also mention that with aforementioned "bro," I'd envision us reading Thoreau in the woods and writing poetry to each other and making out by the lake and all that sappy stuff.

This was based on, I'd imagine, this guy's several terrible and completely hokey poems that he submitted to the school poetry 'zine. In my mind, I was trying to make him into Mr. Sensitive Geek guy, simply because he paid attention to me, and he so wasn't. Totally typical teenage girl stuff.

I also liked the genius in my high school class, because he was funny and quirky and good at pretty much everything. That hope was dashed when he got hooked on heroin and prescription painkillers. I think the burden of being "Mr. Success" got to him; he was that product of a single mother and an abusive, estranged father. It was sad.

[wordsmith]

I should also mention that with aforementioned "bro," I'd envision us reading Thoreau in the woods and writing poetry to each other and making out by the lake and all that sappy stuff.

This was based on, I'd imagine, this guy's several terrible and completely hokey poems that he submitted to the school poetry 'zine. In my mind, I was trying to make him into Mr. Sensitive Geek guy, simply because he paid attention to me, and he so wasn't. Totally typical teenage girl stuff.


Hilarious! For some reason, in my early twenties, I mentally morphed a canned-beer-at-the-demolition-derby-go-huntin'-with-the-guys-and-go-muddin'-in-my monster-wheeled-pick-up-truck good ol' boy into into a sensitive, artistic soul, somebody who would go to my choral concerts and dates to museums and such. Not so much, though we did have some fun at county fairs. Flash forward, he ended up marrying an ex-military card-carrying NRA member chick, and I'm living with a jazz pianist who's voting Democrat, so all's well that ends well.

[spiritedaway]

Ha ha, when I was a kid, I didn't really put a lot of thought into it. I was sort of tomboyish, though the guy I had my first ever crush on was shy, smart and polite (not so unlike the guys I tend to be interested in).

I probably just figured he's like a prince charming (well, without the tights and the sword, etc) but you know, tall, dark, and handsome. ;) Taller than me is fine. Dark (i wasn't thinking of it in terms of skin tone, but rather hair color ...i.e. brown hair or black haired was my thought back then) and handsome (wholly subjective).

I supposed I always thought a sword and a horse was always a plus back then. And if he knew how to dance and sweep me off my feet, that's another plus. Heh, imagination back then... :D

[bluespoon]

When I was about 12 I pictured myself finding one great love (perhaps in the form of Leonardo DiCaprio or James Dean :p). I never saw myself getting married though.

hmmmmm not much has changed :p

[bluespoon]

(not to mention a typical kegger-loving "bro" who acted sort of like the "Kevin" character in Daria)

Daria! I loved that show. I had a crush on Trent. lol

[Echo]

When I was younger, my first romantic experience was kissing a dark-haired boy in one of my dreams. He sort of looked like that boy from the Wonder Years, lol. And I had a crush on Corey's brother (Sam?) in Boy Meets World.

When I was 11 and at school, I used to a crush on a different boy every month. When I was done with the boys in class, I'd have crushes on teachers. Those were embarassing and self-conscious years (11-18). I was terrified of talking to boys, I was that shy. The only boy I was friends with turned out to be gay later on, which explains why he was more easy to talk to.