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View Full Version : too many "situations"


ddrost1
11-11-2008, 11:45 AM
My life has too many situations when it comes to the opposite sex, here's the latest. Note that I'm mostly venting but if anyone wants to chime in on how to handle it, feel free.

A long time friend has recently been more friendly, albeit from a distance (she's on the west coast, i'm on the east). Lots of phone convos/texts/emails/flirty facebook wall posts. We've known each other for basically half our lives and have a pretty good understanding and appreciation of one another. Until her move to the left coast she was in a fairly serious relationship, then went through a breakup in that regard, lost a job, and got down on herself. During this time we were still separated by a distance of ~500 miles and saw each other only a couple of times. She moved out west to "be happy in at least that aspect of her life". Upon arriving there, she also immediately moved in with a guy who IMO she didn't know that well but had hooked up with a time or two.

Anyways, I find myself being attracted to her for several reasons (physically, familiarity/friendship, shared sense of humor, among others), and also worried about her because I think that her living with this guy who she doesn't know that well, right out of a serious relationship, isn't emotionally sound. From what I can tell he's just into her for the sex and not much more, but I've never met the guy and I go solely based on what she tells me (i.e., "we really don't spend that much time together", "he has a pretty close group of friends he's out with most nights", etc.). Her flirting and talking to me more lately suggests that she understands this relationship (dare i call it that) is probably not going anywhere and she's looking for something comfortable. That being said I'm not going to be relegated to being a security blanket and if this is going to take off into anything, I want some semblance of normalcy out of it. I have no idea how to handle it and like my preface said I'm mostly venting for my own good, but yeah.

I'm going to her city in a couple months for a business meeting. We already have agreed to at least one or two "nights out" during the week I'm there. Who knows what will happen at this point.

*sigh*

DuckFan
11-11-2008, 02:02 PM
Sounds like you are the emotional rock she is seeking from said dude......


What she isn't getting from him (emotional sensitivity) she is getting from you........

Pursuing this doesn't seem to make sense.
Focus on your life as it pertains to you, in your area. Focusing on a woman from another coast is just recipe for disappointment.

yogaflame13
11-11-2008, 10:34 PM
Yeah, you need to just move on. Especially if she is staying on the west coast. She seems to be having her cake and eating it to (getting her physical needs met with this new guy, and having you for her emotional needs), whether she is doing it on purpose or not, it sucks for you. Definitely is a recipe for hurt for you.

spokes
11-12-2008, 12:33 AM
if you get on this train you will be hurt in the wreck........

wordsmith
11-12-2008, 12:53 AM
Sad truth: Some people find immense comfortability in relationships they know aren't going anywhere. You're smart to realize that you are at risk of being relegated to security blanket status, if you're not there already.

ddrost1
11-12-2008, 07:44 AM
you're all very correct. it's a difficult situation because of our long term friendship that i will not sacrifice despite of her problems. i just want her to realize that i'm either a friend, or something more, but none of this in between emotional punching bag BS.

and whomever said that pursuing something on the opposite coast doesn't make sense, i've already learned the very painful lesson of LDR's. had one for 2 1/2 years when i started grad school.

wordsmith
11-12-2008, 08:26 AM
Because I'm in an LDR-turned-successful cohabiting relationship, I'm not anti LDR at all, but only if there's a concrete plan to make the relationship non-LDR, and only if one party isn't conducting a relationship with somebody on their home turf already, and keeping up an emotional entanglement with another person long-distance. Girl needs to grow up and learn that you need to make a true choice.

Millenial
11-13-2008, 07:06 PM
I'm going to her city in a couple months for a business meeting. We already have agreed to at least one or two "nights out" during the week I'm there. Who knows what will happen at this point.

*sigh* I've been in the same exact situation a few years ago, same thing, friends on different coasts, then became an item. It ended up being a total failure and ruining my life for a while. she also seems to already know it won't go anywhere. I'd say either just have a fling or don't even bother.

soulllfulvirgo
11-14-2008, 06:13 PM
I just recently severed ties with someone like this. Being the emotional rock is no good (it's great that you realize this!) Even if you do have some sort of friendship, it's not acceptable. I explained myself in a voicemail and cut ties because it was driving me nuts, and that's bad for business. :)

ddrost1
11-21-2008, 05:22 PM
I've been in the same exact situation a few years ago, same thing, friends on different coasts, then became an item. It ended up being a total failure and ruining my life for a while. she also seems to already know it won't go anywhere. I'd say either just have a fling or don't even bother.

my history with LDRs suggests the same thing. i'd love to hook up with her, but i'd feel like shit for hooking up w/ someone who's obviously emotionally unstable and it'd probably also ruin our friendship somehow. guess i'm best to tread lightly but i'll have to make sure i go out there very "distracted".:rolleyes: