which race do you prefer to date? your own or others?

[haley]

whom do you end up more attracted to? those of your own race, those of a different race than yours, or is race not a major consideration? (race doesn't mean just skin color, physique, or looks, but also the real or perceived socioeconomic culture of the person)

[crazy-girl]

That's an interesting question. I always have dated white guys. No real reason other than they've asked me out. Now I'm living with a guy of a different race. Everything clicked so well when I first met him that it never really was something I considered.

[Antonina]

I feel a bit dodgey about this, but I tend to date outside of my own race (I am asian), because for some reason, I (big generalisation here, I am sure there are cute asian boys out there somewhere) just haven't met any that I have found cute. In a way, I have often berated myself for being racist against my own kind, but what can you do if you are just not attracted?

Is there anyone else out there who feels the same way?

[haley]

i tend to be more attracted to those outside my race, too. i'm asian. maybe it's family-of-origin issues. it has to do with the culture, i think.

i used to think i was racist towards my own kind, too. but there are reasons we feel unattracted to those of our own race. maybe it's because we're so used to seeing them in our own family, and we want something different and exciting. i don't think it's bad, i don't think it's "racist." i think it's normal.

[Densel]

I'm 25 and I'm black.

I have 2 sisters who are both married to white guys. I also have a brother who is dating a white girl and has a daughter from an interracial relatinonship. I was dating a black guy for 6 years but we broke up a year ago (It had nothing do with with race).

For some reason, white guys don't approach me or they assume that since I'm black, I might not be interested. Most guys that are interested in me are black. I would rather date a white guy but I don't know how to let them know I'm interested without coming on too strong. It seems in order for me to date a white guy, I have to make the first move. For black guys...I don't need do much. They would come to me, talk to me and ask me out.

I'm not racist at all. I've dated black guys, my brothers and dad are black so that's not the issue. Since I'm not in a relationship, I've been learning new things about myself and one of them is that I would rather be with a white guy than a black guy.

I hate when people think just because I'm black, they should set me up with a black guy. Or that since there are differences in the races, an interracial couple can't get along. My sisters are happy and I have a niece that is so adorable!

I really don't know why I'm more into White than Black Guys. Maybe it's because I've been around Black guys all my life. Maybe it's because I see how happy my sisters are now than they were when they were with Black guys, maybe it's because all those romantic movies involved white leading males...I don't know. I guess it's just something you can't explain. Some people prefer blondes to brunettes; some prefer taller women than shorter women; some prefer people who are physically fit or more educated...etc. I just prefer white.

[Antonina]

:confused:
Isn't it interesting that you guys, Densel and Haley, and I all happen to be of so-called "ethnic" races (living in a westernised country) and also happen to prefer members of the opposite sex from another race? I didn't specify earlier, and I don't know about you, Haley, but it appears that both Densel and I like white guys. Could it really be because we are brainwashed by society? That because we hang out and live what is still predominantly white culture (Hollywood, glamorous fashion magazines, TV) that we spend all our earlier days drooling mostly over white "idols"? And thus are conditioned into thinking that white people are cooler and thus more attractive? Or is it just that sometimes, certain "ethnic" people (like myself) have embraced the western ideas and culture (pop or otherwise) more than others and thus find it hard to relate to people who have ideas which feel more like your own parents'! It's a weird one.

So guys, what is it about the "other races" that make you tick?;)

[haley]

first of all, i want to thank both of you (and whoever else will contribute their thoughts to this topic) for being honest and expressing so articulately your thoughts. i put this poll up thinking, i hope someone gives their opinion about this. anyway, it's great... keep writing!

second, i don't want to ruin the dynamics here, but i just wanted to let you know that i'm a guy. i wasn't hiding it, but i suppose that the tone by which i write is more like a woman than a man, or maybe it's just more thought-out and not blunt. (well, i like to think so)

i do think the culture in america is euro-centric. there was a recent poll done by FHM (For Him Magazine) asking men or women which accent they found sexy in the oppposite sex when speaking in english. the majority picked british, and japanese had a one percent vote. i'm not saying that a chinese accent on the english language is sexy, appealing, or is sometimes even inteligible. i mean, there are obviously things that most people will agree on, simply because, more or less, people have the same ideas about what is sexy. but more than that, i think, is the perception of low intelligence in those who cannot speak english well. it is not merely what the accent sounded like, but what it represented to those who heard it.

i think people who live in a culture will be conditioned to an extent to reflect the values of their culture. i mean, that's what culture is, that's how you even SEE someone's culture. i think TV is huge. magazines, too, in instilling that "white is cooler." sometimes though there are efforts to make other races look cooler, like black or asian people with british accents, or an exotic looking asian woman, who seems to have partial white ancestry (think Kristin Kreuk, of Smallville). i think the issue of race is being superceded by the issue of "beautiful": beauty is what counts, it's currency. i think that's an even bigger issue. people who don't look beautiful are treated much differently than those who look like models.

i'm attracted to people who just will not fit in the box of race or culture, people who are genuine, mature, and open to life. i'd like to be with someone who has pondered the issue of race thoroughly and just throws it away because it simply doesn't work to care about it. (i like asians, but i prefer someone with mixed ancestry.):cool:

[Densel]

i just find that white guys (not all, but the ones i've met) are simple, uncomplicated, romantic, sponteanous, adventurous and respectful.

the black guys i've met (and i serously hope i don't step on anyone's toes...i'm just being as honest as possible) have a lot of drama. either they think the white man is holding them back or they have kid all around or they want to have sex with you and they would tell you straight up. they tend to be too...(what word am i looking for? into physical appearance than intelligence. i'm tired of hearing, "damn! you're HOT!" or "babe! i like what i see!"

the white guys i see (from friends and my sister's stories) ask introductory questions like..."what do you do?" or "where do you work?" They court you differently...send you flowers, call just to say 'hello...how was your day?" NOT "So, when are we going to hit it (sexually). Believe me, I've been asked that before!!!

Maybe I'm just meeting wierd guys or something but this is getting too repetitious that I don't even give black guys the chance...Which I know I should! but I've been disappointed and turned off a lot! Sometimes I just think it's a waste of time.

I really apologize if I offend anyone...I'm just being honest and I know the actions of a few shouldn't be generalized. I'm just speaking from my own experiences and those around me.

[crazy-girl]

Densel,
Your post made me smile. I'm white and my boyfriend is Asian. I didn't make a firm decision to not date anymore white guys but when I met my boyfriend and started hanging around with him it struck me that he was not the typical guy I grew up around. Having grown up in the mid-west I got tired of the attitudes of the men in my college. The white guys (again not trying to offend) always had this overly cocky attitude like someone handed them the world on a silver plate. I hated having any discussion with them after a while because they copped this overly cocky overly testosteronized attitude that they know far more than my little pea brain could ever comprehend. My boyfriend seems to respect my thoughts. We can have discussions and he's receptive to my thoughts and makes valid points himself.

I was tired of the typical white guy in the Cocks hat wearing a button down shirt, jeans and brown dock martins. It's like some weird white male uniform. Gag.

[haley]

is there a pattern of people dating those that are different from what they're used to? everywhere i've gone, that's been the case. it's like we're sick of how people of our own race or culture act.

your description, crazy-girl, of the uniform that white guys wear - it made me laugh. even here in LA, that's how lots of white guys dress. it's so sad! and i'm always thinking, god, how do you make all these girls fall for you? :confused: ohhh.... i know how. :rolleyes:

[Delirium]

I suppose that as long as you can find a guy that doesn't think 'foreplay' means asking 'are you still awake?'

Tee, hee. Hope no one was offended by that. I love my nutty Irishman. Can't believe Irish didn't beat British in that FHM poll.

[wordsmith]

Hee hee! In college, we used to call the wearers of that "white male uniform" you guys mention (SO true, esp. in the Midwest U.S.) "Sameguys!" There is the female counterpart, too - the Cookiecutters.

But, anyway...excellent question. I don't specifically seek out guys who are of different backgrounds (racial and otherwise), but those end up being the ones I'm attracted to, more often than not. In general, with friends and with potential romantic interests, I'm drawn to people who've experienced different things than I have...I think it's so fascinating and enlightening, and keeps me remembering that my worldview isn't the only one.

I think there's something to haley's (who writes very eloquently and insightfully, BTW - how odd that we automatically associate that with feminine characteristics and thought he was a she!) assertion that a lot of us go for someone different than we're used to.

I guess, on a purely superficial gut-level hormonal level, I find lots of Native American and Latino guys to be attractive, but maybe that's just 'cause I have a thing for dark hair and eyes across the board, more than it being racially-based.

[Antonina]

Sounds like maybe (on a first-glance attaction level) those of us who often end up dating people from other "races" may do so because we like what we don't have (looks-wise)?! and thus view them as being "exotic" and more appealing? I've decided that my accidental penchant for liking Irish boys is partly because I am drawn to the freckle thing and the accent (whereas I'm chinese australian and freckleless)... and it helps, of course, that they tend to talk the leg off every chair in the room and I am exactly the same, so we tend to get along great guns!

[wordsmith]

You may be right, Antonina...with my pale skin, blonde hair, and green eyes, I couldn't be less like the dark and mysterious look I go for! Funny, though, I dig Irish boys, too...They swear so poetically, which I find freakin' hilarious!

[Delirium]

Well I about as pale as they come, and my Irish boyfriend is pale too. How boring am I.

Del

[wordsmith]

Dang, everyone has an Irish boyfriend but me! How boring am _I_?:D

[Antonina]

Sounds like I am one of the sheep then (with the Irish thing)... how boring does THAT make me?!

:rolleyes:

[Delirium]

I have changed my mind. We're not boring. We're RIGHT. ;o)

[Mason]

First off, I have to agree with Densl about preferring other males than black males. I am biracial (white and black) and growing up around black men and seeing what my older sister's and younger sister's black boyfriends have done to them makes me a little scared of them. I grew up in the midwest so most of the schools I went to had a hand full of african americans attending, and then going to college and joining a sorority sheltered me even more. (i am the only black member ever to be in my sorority).

Second, crazygirl, I am with you about the men not having a lot of body hair, but I am the type of person who doesn't flirt. I mean, I don't think I know how if I tried. So it is very depressing for me to go out because I am not very confident, but the "sexual pick-up lines from black men" and the "I think you're cool but we can only be friends" attitude I get from white guys make me feel like I will be a lone forever. I find asian men and latino men very attractive but there aren't a lot out there.

I mean, excuse my honesty, but haley too bad you live in L.A. and I am in Nebraska! I hope I didn't offend anyone by my remarks, I was just trying to be honest to a very sensitive issue. Growing up biracial and getting racial discrimination against from all races, black, white, asian, etc....makes a girl very picky and hesitant when approaching men.

[haley]

Mason, what are you DOING in Omaha? "Omaha, somewhere in middle America, get right to heart of matters, it's the heart that matters more." I went to Nebraska while on a bike tour, and IOWA! UG! Don't mean to offend anyone, but people I met there were ignant and mean! To me, being asian and all. How can you stand it? Anyway, Mason move to LA and meet some... well shallow people... no, okay, move to SF and you'll meet LOTS of Asian and Latin guys that are educated and mature. Yup, that's the thing to do.

[wordsmith]

Haley -

I dig your posts, and know you don't mean to offend, but believe me when I say that the Midwest isn't exclusively full of ignorant racist hicks.

There are crappy people, and quality people wherever you go, end of story. To assume that people think in a certain way simply because of what region of a country they happen to be from is just as discriminatory as anything else.

Maybe once, when people didn't venture far from home in general, regional stereotypes/generalizaitons made more sense. People who are isolated don't know any way of living but what they've been exposed to. But the world's shrinking, and more people than you might realize "live" outside their sheltered little worlds defined by city, state, region, country, etc.

Just my word's worth.

[haley]

wordsmith, I'm honestly sorry if you were offended. You obviously don't appreciate people generalizing the Midwest, or any place. I'm just one person, and I cover about a square foot when I'm standing up. The Earth has, I'm sure, millions of square feet that I've never been on, and 5 billion other people I haven't gotten to know. When I say my opinion, no matter how informed I try to make it to be, don't even mind me. I'm just one person. But you've made me aware, and, as Martha Stewart says, "that's a good thing." :D

[haley]

(note: a trucker tried to run my siblings and me over in Nebraska while on that bike tour. In Iowa, I was scared for my life, people taunting us as we biked, following us. When I came back to LA, I sincerely had a hard time trusting white folks; I was 18. But things are back to normal now.)

[apollo1129]

What is it with liking the Irish guys...? I fell for this one Irish guy where I worked because of his accent, his sweet way of calling me m'dear, and his semi-cocky I-know-what's best-for-you attitude. He was nutty all right! Not to imply that it's necessarily an Irish thing but I think I know what you mean about a certain unique charm some of them have. And that's a compliment!

[Densel]

Black guys are very bold and daring. If they see someone who they think is 'HOT', they don't shy away. They brush off rejection and move on the the next 'babe.' Most of them are not intimidated at all. They would do the talking and macking!