seeking help and advice

[Heatherene]

I'm hoping someone can offer some advice on my situation...
For the past six months (we've known each other for 18 months) I've been dating a young man I love very much. I have more fun with him than I have with any other guy and I'm sure he's "the one." He feels the same way and talks about when we get married and have a family.
The problem---- He's in the Army and is scheduled to go to Korea in January for a year. This terrifies me and I keep on worrying about it. I don't want to spend a year without him, he's such a part of my life. But, I'm not certain what to do, if anything can be done. Because of his rank, he can bring a wife along with him to Korea.
But, we're not married. And, he doesn't want to get married until he gets out of school in 4 or 5 years. I can understand this especially since I'm 24 and already have my degree and he's only 21. But, more than anything I want to be with him and can't unless we're married. And, at the same time, I don't want to force him into something.
Friends have told me women involved with military men have to stay at home waiting all the time. I know that's true, but it doesn't make it any easier. And others say its a good test of our relationship. This may also be true, but a year is an awfully long time and no relationship should have to endure that.
I haven't brought up the subject of getting married so I can go with him, but he hasn't either and that tells me something. I'm afraid if I say something he'll get scared (as many guys seem to). I wonder if I shoud wait a few more months and bring up the subject, if I should discuss it now, or if I should just let him bring it up if he wants.
I'm not entirely certain how well I'll do waiting for him to return. I don't think I'm good at that sort of thing. I think I'd miss him so much and I don't know how to manage that. If I left behind, I'm afraid I'd have to forget him to survive. So, I feel like I have to go with him if I want to continue having him in my life.
Does anyone have any practical advice? Please help!

[Carboann25]

Oh my goodness, I feel you so much. For me though, we aren't together anymore. I ended it not because I wanted to, but because I had to. Now, like you (if you don't go with him) I am having to go on without him in my life. Some days I do better than others but overall, it's just continues to be a horrible experience. In order for me to go on with my daily life & not be a total wreck...I too feel like I need to forget him. All my friends tell me this feeling will go away. But after spending the last 6+ years with this man...who knows, you know? Ughhh...

Unlike you though, we are over. You have the comfort & peace of mind that he wants to be with YOU & only you. He is not leaving you - you are not breaking up. You two will just have to get creative in your communication style. Be happy for him, he is bettering himself & building his future. If you pressure or hinder that in any way, resentment will form. Be patient & confident. Trust in yourself & your strength. What I can tell you is this, you both will adjust...whatever you decide. I agree with your friends. You are so early into this relationship, it will be a good space for you both to travel. As hard as it will be, know that a year is temporary. Think about how fast the last year went... You do have the strength to make it through this, I promise. If you two love each other & really want this to work ~ you'll figure it out. Also, as lame as it sounds, the distance will give you both the opportunity to really grow in each other. You will be able to experience each other in a completely new dimension. Letter writing as well as email writing adds a completely different level to learning about each other when apart. And if meant to be, this will only strengthen you & provide more conviction that you are as much meant for him as he is for you.

Take care & always remember that attitude is everything in the world. If you say it won't work, it won't... Don't roll over to this obstacle so fast...and more than that, don't even look at it like an obstacle! You know just as well as I that in marriage you'll have to overcome harder things than this. Don't ever listen to the fear!! Smile & believe!

-Sarah