Parents still treat me like I'm 5

[LuckySweetheart]

A year ago I went to Taiwan with my parents to visit family and have a vacation. I could only take a two week vacation and while I was there we rarely went out "exploring", even though I brought a guidebook and showed my mom places I thought would be cool to check out.
Even though we did a lot, there was still a lot that I feel I missed out on and I felt I was limited in what I could do (like no going out to see what the karaoke bars were like - more to satisfy my curiosity than to party).
Also, there was a lot of tension all around, with my dad being micromanaging and my mom never giving us the whole story (she's fluent and lived there until she was 30) on what we were doing or what was going on during any particular day. For example, after I left my parents went to Taipei to check out Taipei 101, and because my mom didn't tell my dad where they were going he didn't bring his camera. So they didn't get photos from Taipei 101 on their trip.

After I had to leave and go back to work my parents stayed there for an extra month or so and went on all these excursions around the island - stuff I had wanted to do but didn't get to.

My dad wanted us to go on another family "vacation" next year, which I've always been lukewarm on. I feel I'd rather do things I want to do on my own with my precious vacation time over being whatever crutch my parents feel they need when they are on vacation.

Anyway, my bf just got invited to study in Florence in the Fall, and he's invited me to come visit him in November/December. I haven't been on a vacation since last year and thought, "gee, three weeks in Tuscany is something I haven't done and would be fun". I was really excited for my bf (even though I'm bummed about him being gone so long), and super stoked to visit Italy again (I had gone in 1999).

I called my parents to tell them the news and my dad was like, "Oh, I guess you're not going to China with us next year then. We'll send you photos."

WTF?!? I never committed to going in the first place and I felt like shit afterwards. I don't get to spend a lot of time with my parents to begin with but it seems like they *always* make me feel obligated to spend all of my free time (end-of-year shutdown, vacation time, three-day weekends) with them.

[PenforPrez]

My parents are still very upset that I moved out, and my father particularly. They want me to move back in; I almost think they want me to fail as an independent adult. They want me to come down on weekends, and I can't always do that, especially right now.

My father turns 82 this week, and I'm waiting for some sort of guilt trip that he's "old" (he's actually in good physical shape) and "he's not going to live much longer" (he'll probably hit 90+). I've learned to tune that out. That's not the same thing, but I know where you're coming from.

Paul

[allie1105]

Ohh, I totally understand your situation. A few years ago, before my husband and I were married, we went to the Dominican Republic for vacation. They invited my boyfriend (who is now my husband) to come along. He'd never even been out of the country before, and we were so excited. I'd been to the DR about four times before this and saw much of the country, but he'd never been.

Fast forward to vacation - apparently, I over packed my suitcase (my parents gave me one REALLY tiny suitcase to fit my stuff for eight days, seven nights) and the zipper broke en route. My stuff got there, but my parents were livid - they are also the type that have to be in control of all situations, dad also likes to micromanage, etc. I told them I'd fix it or buy new luggage before leaving, and thought that was OK. Well, they ruined the week - wouldn't talk to me unless we were about to book an excursion, when they gave me a guilt trip because they paid for us to come on vacation and then didn't want to stick around. When we stuck around they were nasty and didn't talk much, and I had no idea why.

I asked my dad toward the end of the week what his deal was, and he told me I ruined his vacation because he was worried about my luggage all week. I couldn't believe it. I ended up buying a sewing kit and fixing the zipper, and then reinforced the inside with some duct-tape - I know, not the best fix but it held for the trip home. It took me all of ten minutes to do. But to ruin someone's vacation over it?? It's only stuff; it is replaceable and not a huge deal if something didn't make it home. I was sooo annoyed that this was the reason for their mood during the whole trip.

So THIS summer, my husband and I booked a vacation to Nicaragua. We're staying in a town called Granada and got an amazing deal. I was telling my dad all about the itinerary, which includes visiting historic towns, ruins, volcanos, and beaches. He was planning a trip to Ecuador but it wasn't working out with the tour company...I jokingly said, "You can always come to Nicaragua with us". He took me seriously!!! He didn't book anything, but he said he might if Ecuador doesn't work out! I would be happy to spend time with him, but this is our first time on a big vacation since our honeymoon in Costa Rica...we don't want to be on anyone else's schedule and really want to move at our own pace.

I'd go to Tuscany if I were you. If you waste your time and money going to China, you might not get to see everything you want - that is what I am afraid of if my parents book a vacation with us. If you do decide to go to China, buy another guidebook and just do your own thing - if they want to go with you, great. If not, tell them too bad. It IS your precious vacation time, you should enjoy it!!

[ebruening]

I'm 27 and married, and oftentimes, I feel like my parents still treat me like a child. Maybe it's something with being the "first born..."

[erika36]

I know how you all feel. I have a mother who still treats me like a child. Just tonight I am pretty angry with her. She had me make mashed potatoes and she was just telling me everything I was doing wrong. :mad: I hate it when she does this, especially when she tries to force me to cook (I'll never be a chef, ok?) I don't know why she doesn't get it.

Tonight she had to bake a chicken and it wasn't quite done. She wanted me to take it out before I go to bed because she was going to bed and she kept reminding me not to forget. :mad: And she was in a bad mood all day giving me the silent treatment for some unknown reason. I ask her and she gets all snippy: "NOTHING!" She just expects me to figure out what's wrong with her and it's annoying. I'm single and I feel like I'm in a relationship having to deal with this BS! :rolleyes:

Gaaaawd I hate living with her. I love her but I can't live with her. I have an interview tomorrow and I really hope I get this job so I can get back out of here.

[Ezra Pippen]

cookies tonight and had a flashback to when I helped mom this Christmas. I baked some cookies out of the rest of the batter (M & M cookies) when she was at work, but when she got home, she really just could not send THOSE cookies.

They were too large-she actually refused to send those cookies, because she thought it would be chinsy to send 'so few cookies to each person.' The thing is, she had seven other kinds of cookies. And no they were not burnt or doughy, just too big.

Its funny now, but at the time, I was just...I mean come on. But my mother has a habit of refusing help but saying how busy and tired she is all the time.

[LuckySweetheart]

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I do feel better about this! Maybe one day I'll be able to tune-out my parents' guilt-trip attempts, but I haven't figured out how to do that yet.

Allie - that 'vacation' sounds like anything but! I hope your vacation to Nicaragua is great (and that your parents don't make a disaster out of it!)!

Erica - good luck on your job interview!

Ezra - you should have told your mom people are happy to just be *getting* cookies! That's just crazy!