QuarterLiferAmy
03-04-2009, 02:20 AM
I have a strong feeling that I maybe coming down with a bout of major depression.
-Since September 2008 I have held 4 jobs. Granted the first job was a contract position and was to a specific date anyways. I am still at job #2 (contract position but extended), quit boring retail job #3 and just started job #4 last week already have issues with it).
-As I mentioned in previous posts I have been trying to help my parents out of some material troubles. They are both seeking counselling and things are getting better...but, I am harbouring so much animosity, frustration, anger, resentment, hurt feelings. I was in tears when I told my parents today that everytime I come home from work, I worry that I will have to break-up a fight. Lucky nothing has resorted to violence, but the arguments can get really loud and really out of hand. My parents are naturally loud talkers. Often I wake up in the morning and hear muffles of loud talking; my stomach just churns (even if they are talking to each other pleasantly or talking to someone else over the phone)
-My Dad's company was sued by a customer and a former employee & her parents. I have spent much of the last year helping him sort through all the paper work, litigation, meetings, lawyer correspondence. Last week he lost his first case. I've been the dumps ever since. It's been so hard. I blame my Dad for his extramartial affair for his problems with his company. He has staff employed (which are basically very good, honest, hardworking people), but eventually even his secretary/accountant got sick of the cases and uploaded the files on me. I have been paid for the work (ok, i guess) because my Dad told me it's going to increase my taxes...
-I supposed to leave in April to Australia, but found out last month that my cousin lost her job. It was her idea to move out with me (to get away from parents) and share 1/2 the rent. Unfortunately that isn't going to happen anymore since she has no money/no job to cover rent. So now my trip is completely on hold. I have pushed the 'pause' button on my visa papers.
-I often stare out the bus window thinking about how it is humanly possible to have graduated only 10 months ago with a BA degree, having held four jobs since, and be making only $2 above minimum wage working with a bunch of people who have no post-secondary schooling doing the exact same job as me. It's so frustrating. My co-workers are great (oldest in the department is like 27), but amongst them I feel like I can do so much more as I have years of education to back my credentials. Most of my work day is spent on facebook, quarterlife forums, checking e-mail and playing card games on the net. I am so underwhelmed by the work I just don't know where to start. There is talks of cross-training me in all departments (which I believe is starting next week) and then potentially promoting me to supervisor - but who knows when that is all going to happen! Maybe it's just another broken promise.
-I thought about renewing my gym membership, but then decided not to so that I could come home and help my Mom with housework. So now, after work I just go home and sit on the computer again or watch TV. Sometimes help make dinner...or on the rare occassion go out for coffee with friends (all are too busy with school, SO, and work that they have no time). I feel like such a loser amongst my friends. All of them have SO, jobs, some of them are going to be moving out...and here I am, stuck making less than my best friend who has a med. tran. diploma...
It just brings me to tears when I think about my life and where it is going....
-Since September 2008 I have held 4 jobs. Granted the first job was a contract position and was to a specific date anyways. I am still at job #2 (contract position but extended), quit boring retail job #3 and just started job #4 last week already have issues with it).
-As I mentioned in previous posts I have been trying to help my parents out of some material troubles. They are both seeking counselling and things are getting better...but, I am harbouring so much animosity, frustration, anger, resentment, hurt feelings. I was in tears when I told my parents today that everytime I come home from work, I worry that I will have to break-up a fight. Lucky nothing has resorted to violence, but the arguments can get really loud and really out of hand. My parents are naturally loud talkers. Often I wake up in the morning and hear muffles of loud talking; my stomach just churns (even if they are talking to each other pleasantly or talking to someone else over the phone)
-My Dad's company was sued by a customer and a former employee & her parents. I have spent much of the last year helping him sort through all the paper work, litigation, meetings, lawyer correspondence. Last week he lost his first case. I've been the dumps ever since. It's been so hard. I blame my Dad for his extramartial affair for his problems with his company. He has staff employed (which are basically very good, honest, hardworking people), but eventually even his secretary/accountant got sick of the cases and uploaded the files on me. I have been paid for the work (ok, i guess) because my Dad told me it's going to increase my taxes...
-I supposed to leave in April to Australia, but found out last month that my cousin lost her job. It was her idea to move out with me (to get away from parents) and share 1/2 the rent. Unfortunately that isn't going to happen anymore since she has no money/no job to cover rent. So now my trip is completely on hold. I have pushed the 'pause' button on my visa papers.
-I often stare out the bus window thinking about how it is humanly possible to have graduated only 10 months ago with a BA degree, having held four jobs since, and be making only $2 above minimum wage working with a bunch of people who have no post-secondary schooling doing the exact same job as me. It's so frustrating. My co-workers are great (oldest in the department is like 27), but amongst them I feel like I can do so much more as I have years of education to back my credentials. Most of my work day is spent on facebook, quarterlife forums, checking e-mail and playing card games on the net. I am so underwhelmed by the work I just don't know where to start. There is talks of cross-training me in all departments (which I believe is starting next week) and then potentially promoting me to supervisor - but who knows when that is all going to happen! Maybe it's just another broken promise.
-I thought about renewing my gym membership, but then decided not to so that I could come home and help my Mom with housework. So now, after work I just go home and sit on the computer again or watch TV. Sometimes help make dinner...or on the rare occassion go out for coffee with friends (all are too busy with school, SO, and work that they have no time). I feel like such a loser amongst my friends. All of them have SO, jobs, some of them are going to be moving out...and here I am, stuck making less than my best friend who has a med. tran. diploma...
It just brings me to tears when I think about my life and where it is going....