Today was a GOOD day

[StepOnIt]

On my way into work I coughed up some blood. That's never happened to me before. As I stood there watching it melt into the snowbank I decided that I would not seek medical attention or cut back on cigarettes. Whatever this is, I hope it kills me, because the thought of living another 40-50 years is just too horrible to contemplate. I wiped my face on my jacket sleeve, went into work, and spent the rest of the day fantasizing about various ways I might die of natural causes over the next year.

[Samwell]

I like your style, Step.





But go to the doctor.

[1977]

Your symptoms hint at a prolonged tortured painful demise rather than swift absolution - today you cough up blood, tomorrow you might cough up a lung - get thee to a doctor is my suggestion...

[cupkake]

Your symptoms hint at a prolonged tortured painful demise rather than swift absolution - today you cough up blood, tomorrow you might cough up a lung - get thee to a doctor is my suggestion...


Cough up a lung 1977? lol I don't mean to laugh b/c step is in a very fragile state of mind but I had to.:p

[hoodie]

How on earth are we supposed to respond to this? I'm hoping this is just some darkly ironic wit talking and isn't serious.

[mlle]

I saw your other post, Step, about not having the motivation to quit smoking bc you hate your life or something to that effect. You don't need to be a professional to figure out from your posts alone that you're in a very vulnerable state emotionally. Lung issues aside, you're obviously very depressed. I don't think Step's posts are ironic; even if they were intended to be ironic, they would be a little too ironic to be merely "dark wit" for a message board.

I'm sure plenty of people who visit this board do, or have at one point, felt the way you do now, including myself, but going to a message board with your truly heavy duty emotional problems is a bit of a crapshoot. Half the people on message boards in general are genuine idiots who post idiotic stuff (not referring to anyone in this thread); and besides, it's kind of weird to post your pseudo-suicide fantasies on a general message board like this one.

I'm very sorry things are so shitty for you right now.

[allie1105]

I'm so, so sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I promise you, it will get better...

When I started visiting these boards, my thoughts were similar to yours: I used to wish I could fast forward 40 years to retirement. Basically, I wanted to wish my life away. In talking to people here, I realized that I was only stuck because I wasn't doing anything to become "un-stuck" from my situation - even though I felt competely hopeless.

You CAN get out of this rut. It seems your job is your biggest issue. You CAN make a change...even if it seems impossible.

[1977]

The "irony" was taken too far as i almost didn't click on the thread because the title made it sound like one of them puke-inducing "gratitude" threads & i didn't have a barf bucket handy to vomit in, so nearly skipped it... :p

But to the OP - i hope you collected your coughed up organs from the snow & took them & yourself to a medical professional!

[mlle]

Yes, yes, the title of the thread is ironic. The original post itself is just plain tormented-Kurt-Cobain-suicide-note-esque.

[StepOnIt]

Saw doctor yesterday. Acute bronchitis, which, at my age, won't kill me no matter how long I ignore it. Work still sucks, but I believe I'm just about done complaining. I'm actually quite embarrassed to have posted this. I've been depressed before but I thought I was over this part.

[Schecter_Guy]

Today I didn't even have to use my AK. I gotta say it was a good day /Ice Cube

Well depression can make you do things that you normally wouldn't do. I have heard some outlandish things come out the mouths of depressed people (me being one of them). Hope things get better for you.

[mlle]

Awww, it's okay Step. I've actually posted a lot of crap related to my depression issues and escapades of fucked-up-ness on these boards ......And then I got embarrassed too and ended up deleting a lot of the posts later on.....And then I'll regret having posted this as well bc now people will want to go and find my fucked up posts that I didn't delete after reading this.....

I actually related to your post about not wanting to quit smoking bc you hate your life, bc I've felt the same way about giving up my own bad habits in the past. But again, it's too embarrassing to post the details.

But yeah, I've totally been there and feel you. Hang in there.