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Taza Tikha
03-27-2009, 01:38 PM
Boyfriend went out of town. He left his keys to his house and told me to make myself at home. Because his place is much nicer than mine, I took him up on the offer. Realizing that it takes a lot of trust to give someone free rein of your home when you're not around, I reciprocated the trust by not digging through drawers and other forms of snooping. Mostly. I must confess, I succumbed to the lure of the medicine cabinet.

Sparsely filled with a few generic items -- painkillers, cough medicine, etc. But a tube of cream caught my eye. Googling the name revealed that it is prescribed primarily for cold sores, but also for genital herpes, shingles, and -- less frequently -- bells palsy.

Now, I know boyfriend does not have bells palsy. And he's never complained about shingles. That leaves cold sores and genital herpes. I realize that these are basically the same virus, but for some reason I'd feel a LOT better about the first option.

Naturally, I'm going to ask him about this when he returns, but until then, I'll have plenty of time to imagine all of the possible scenarios. On the Pollyanna end of the scale, I'm hoping that it's not his at all. He still had an old bottle labeled with a prescription for his ex-wife, and they have been divorced for a couple of years. Maybe she had cold sores and he never contracted them. Or maybe he suffered from them in the past, but hasn't had an outbreak recently (it is past the cream's expiration date). After all, it's not like he had tried to hide the cream; it was in the mostly-empty medicine cabinet in the bathroom he knew I'd be using. But I also have to prepare myself for the fact that he might have lied about his STD status. Which is causing me to be all paranoid about stretches without nooky in the past -- I had attributed those to scheduling conflicts, but what if he had been actively avoiding me turning herpes outbreaks?

Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? Yeah, I know the obvious medical next steps, but what about the psychological impact?

Schecter_Guy
03-27-2009, 01:47 PM
Yeah he lied, but if he was trying to protect you in avoiding you during those times I would give the guy a break. And herpes is becoming so common that I wouldn't stress over the fact that he has it.

Bocheezu
03-27-2009, 01:58 PM
I must confess, I succumbed to the lure of the medicine cabinet.

Do you wanna get away?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIK0kzhEJzM

I know for me personally, I would have no problem if you brought it up when I got home. I assume if I give someone the keys to my house, they're going to know what's in my medicine cabinet, where my checkbook is, and where the porn is on my computer. It's inevitable. I would have no problem being honest with you, but then again, I don't have anything to hide. Really depends on the person. Some people are very private and get all bent out of shape if you snoop, and others totally don't care and consider it normal.

Obviously, this is a little more serious/sensitive a situation and your own health is in question. Plus, if you ask, you're sort of openly admitting you don't trust the guy. I mean, if I was the guy here I would have been upfront and there would never be a question in the first place, because I think people that aren't upfront with STDs and endanger their partners are truly despicable people.

P.S. Kudos for using "free rein" properly

Tayl405
03-27-2009, 02:19 PM
You can inherit cold sores from a parent - it doesn't have to be an STD.

DaneCA
03-27-2009, 02:32 PM
Whatever the reason for having the cream, I would definitely ask him about it. If nothing else, you'll have an answer and can stop thinking of (increasingly awful) possible scenarios!

(And snooping is something most girls, and maybe guys, too, have done at some point. I learned my lesson when I looked through my ex-boyfriend's room and found photos of him with his previous girlfriend, the one he broke up to be with me. She could be a model -- blond hair, fake boobs, GORGEOUS -- and it made me feel totally inferior in comparison.)

HDC80
03-27-2009, 02:55 PM
And this is why I ask guys to take a STD Screening if they havent in the past 6 months before I sleep with them. Not going to happen unless its clean.

If I found some tube of cream, I wouldnt jump to the worst case scenario because if Im with someone I TRUST them....but Id probably do a full STD work up just for my own sanity.

Sounds like maybe you have some trust issues from your past, or with this guy....might be worth thinking about as well.

ebrillblaiddes
03-27-2009, 03:31 PM
Cold sores are so common, and so much just a part of the environment, that my working theory is that if you're gonna get it, you're just gonna get it...like it comes down to natural immunities that science should be trying to bottle. My mom's gotten cold sores since before I was born, and the family has always shared drinks and stuff--none of the rest of us have gotten them; there's no good reason I can figure out for that other than "just not gonna." So if he's got that, yeah, nothing to worry about.

If it's genital herpes, well, yeah, he should've said something about that, especially since they can spread between outbreaks. But, then, he could've just been embarrassed, or else not thought of it because it is kind of really common these days. So I think it kind of would depend on if this is the only big thing he's screwed up at or if it's a pattern.

On the other other hand...as other posters have said, if I let someone use the keys, I expect that they could find out anything that's in the house, which kind of sounds to me like he wasn't in "OMG it's a huge secret that I have to keep!!!" mode--more like, one way or another, it was something he just didn't think was a thing to mention.

HDC80
03-27-2009, 03:43 PM
I wouldnt give 2 sh*ts if he was embarrassed...not telling me you have something thats contageous and can affect me the rest of my life isnt some oh sorry you didnt want to tell me, thats just flat out INCONSIDERATE....regardless of how common genital warts may be.

if its just a cold sore, dont expect someone to share that they have had them prior.....

pisces2473
03-27-2009, 03:46 PM
FYI, all...if you've got a cold sore, it can become genital herpes, if you know what I'm saying...and vice versa.

HDC80
03-27-2009, 03:59 PM
Pretty sure that you dont get it on your mouth then one day have it just show up in your privates.

Now if you have a cold sore and someone goes down on you then yes the chance is there......


Go to this link for a total explanation of herpes on the mouth, vs. privates...and how they can be transmitted (different strains for mouth vs. privates)

http://www.herpesonline.org/articles/herpes.html

ebrillblaiddes
03-27-2009, 04:12 PM
I wouldnt give 2 sh*ts if he was embarrassed...not telling me you have something thats contageous and can affect me the rest of my life isnt some oh sorry you didnt want to tell me, thats just flat out INCONSIDERATE....regardless of how common genital warts may be. I agree that it's a crappy thing to do...but it's also an uncomfortable subject. We accept as normal that women don't suck it up and bring up uncomfortable subjects. It's wrong whoever does it but it's also a thing people do.

It's like...that would have to be the ONLY thing he screwed up...like, ever...but everyone messes something up.

pisces2473
03-27-2009, 06:10 PM
Now if you have a cold sore and someone goes down on you then yes the chance is there......


Go to this link for a total explanation of herpes on the mouth, vs. privates...and how they can be transmitted (different strains for mouth vs. privates)

http://www.herpesonline.org/articles/herpes.html
That's what I was talking about...if someone has a cold sore and goes down on you.