missing someone or not missing them

[fearlesss]

Ok, so my g/f of 2.5 yrs was gone this past weekend to help her sister move out east. She has been gone since Saturday and is coming back tonight. While she was gone, she would say thast she missed me and I, of course, would say I missed her. The thing is I do not think I really did/do. I got all my chores done and studied for my final. I feel like I should but then again I do not have have to be around someone all the time and it's only 3 days. Is this a sign?

[hoodie]

A sign of what, exactly?

Your girl had to leave town and help someone move. Not exactly appealing and exciting. I could see why she'd rather be with you. You, on the other hand, were busy and had some stuff to do. And, it seems, you appreciate having some independent time to get things done. That doesn't seem like anything to worry or wonder about. Your girl missed you because she would rather be with you than doing what she's doing. You, on the other hand, found the trip to be convenient and don't mind that she's been gone because of it allowing you to catch up with things.

If anything, it might mean you need to schedule a small ammount of time independently from your gf to catch up when life gets overwhelming (like finals). Outside of that, I think it's only a sign of something different if you're looking for it to be.

[Bsig84]

There are times when my fiance goes out of town that I really miss him but other times where I REALLY enjoy the alone time because I get to do whatever I want. Just because you weren't miserable without her doesn't mean that there are problems with the relationship.

[Krishna]

I'm miserable when my SO goes out of town for long periods of time (he left this morning, so this is a timely discussion). However, I think the "miserableness" comes from the length of his absences, and the fact that the ultimate absence (deployment) is less than 12 months away...

[wordsmith]

Being miserable if you are separated from your S.O. for the short-term isn't really a sign of a stable relationship. Neither is being completely ambivalent about when you next see him or her. The desire for independence is good. The desire for complete independence, to the point where you're not really interested in sharing time together, may mean that your relationship isn't really what you need.

Missing somebody is basically desiring to see and spend time with that person, no? She's been gone for three days. That's not a tremendous amount of time to go without seeing and spending time with somebody. Three days doesn't even really give me the CHANCE to miss somebody, because I can certainly keep steadily busy and occupied on my own for that length of time, leaving no real time to focus on my SO not being there. If she were gone, say, more than a week, and you didn't have any real desire to see or spend time with her, that might be more cause for concern.

I live with my S.O. We do many, many things together, and we like it that way. We also enjoy pockets of our own time...like my evenings to myself when he's got class until late, and his evenings to himself when I have choir practice or stitch and bitch. We're both okay when one or the other of us travels alone for business or personal reasons, although if it goes close to a week or longer, we do start to get antsy for one another. Obviously, this is different than the scenario might be for a couple who typically only spends weekends together, etc. It's all in what the dynamics of your relationship are, and every relationship is different.

Rather than try to quantify how much you miss or don't miss somebody, ask yourself some other questions. Do you have any particular desire to see her right now? Or would you be fine not seeing her? Do you wish she WASN'T coming back yet? Or are you totally ambivalent?