guys and clothes

[pisces2473]

Guys, how important is it that you look good for your lady? When do you fall into the trap of "we've been dating long enough, she can see me at my worst"? I try to look my best for my BF all the time (within reason) but I don't feel it's being reciprocated. How can I approach this subject without looking like a total petty bitch? I don't care if he wants to wear jeans/tshirt--it's more about the condition of the clothes...

[pisces2473]

PS. Ladies, feel free to weigh in on this too :)

[pittgirl]

I don't think it would be right to just come out and tell him to change the condition of his clothes. Maybe just casually ask him or suggest that you two go shopping together for new clothes and go shopping with him. Or go out on a really nice date and just remind him you want him to look his best and so forth. Are the clothes just yucky looking or do they smell?

[pisces2473]

Yeah, I don't want to do that! That's mean. The clothes are clean, but just look old and maybe they are too big. On Valentines Day he looked great--suit and tie and everything and when we meet up for lunch during the week he looks great too (he has to wear suits for work). It's like on the weekends, he thinks it's okay to be scruffy. Yes, sometimes it's okay, but can't there be a happy medium? Looking good while still being comfortable? I want a manly man, not a metrosexual, so he can keep his jeans and t's--let's just get some newer ones for hanging out with me and ones that fit better too! (Actually, Saturday night we were out at dinner and we were right near this store and I said, Let's go in...and just casually as we walked around, I said, Do you like this shirt? What do you think about khaki shorts for summer? etc.)

[paperjam1015]

Ok, I know you wanted guys opinions, but I thought I'd add my .02.

In the past I bought boyfriends clothing as gifts in the beginning. Then for just no reason. They always genuinely appreciated it and eventually started buying new clothing themselves. At first I thought they would be offended. I just posed it as I thought it would look nice on them. I never bought anything to far from their own style of dress and always paid attention to what would look right on their body type.

All of them admitted that they basically wore what they had because they didn't know what to buy when they went shopping (and that was the reason they hated shopping)

Good luck!!

[Crimson King II]

...I don't think there's ever a time to fall into that. I love clothes and even when I'm super casual, I try to be at least a little bit presentable. Guys (and I try to do this too) should really take a lesson from the girls on this one...girls can always dress down and still manage to look really nice and really cute.

But, also, how do you present it to him? I don't know. I'd be pretty grumpy about it if you came up to me and were like, "Hey...what are you doing, you look like an unmade bed."

Let me think on this one.


Okay....I've done a bit of thinking. I remember how I got into liking clothes, which isn't too distant of a thing. When girls make comments about other guys' clothes, even if it's something on tv, I took notice. We'd be at a bar or club, or watching the Sopranos or something and someone would say, "Did you see his shirt," or "I like that suit," or something like that...I started to notice, "Hey...that DOES look much better than this old pair of jeans and shirt that I'm wearing." That's one way...albeit subtle, which may not serve your purposes if you'd really like to advance him up the chain faster.

[pisces2473]

Paperjam, your .02 are welcomed/appreciated :D

I just don't want to come off as offending, that's all. I definitely wouldn't buy him anything different than he already has--he's mentioned colors/designs he likes/doesn't like, so I would just go from there. His mom died 2 mos. ago and was sick before that (before we met) so that might have been a reason why his clothes have been lacking. I don't know. I just want to bring out the best of him!

[pisces2473]

Ahhh CK you've returned ;)

Yeah, most definitely on the girls dressing down but still looking good. For instance, when we went out for dinner on Sat. night, we went to this pretty casual Chinese place. I wore these flare gray sweatpants, a black t-neck sweater and with wool mary jane shoes. Casual, yet not sloppy.

Just read your edit before I posted--I have told him that I love it when he's all dressed up in his work clothes. This weekend he wasn't going to shave (YUCK) but I made him and then I made a big fuss about how handsome he looked. :)

[Crimson King II]

...definitely be liberal with the attention. Guys like that.

I still want your thoughts on my weekend. Your feedback is priceless!

[Lynn0623]

I agree with CK's post about commenting on other guys. But not like....oh so-and-so is better looking then you are. More like, "I really like how so-and-so dresses." Maybe he will take the hint or maybe he is the kind of guy who doesn't take hints and you just have to tell him directly. But, at least he knows to dress nice, like for work and v-day. Think of how you would feel if he wore the t-shirt and jeans to v-day dinner....

[pisces2473]

I don't want him to be in a suit on the weekends...but neat jeans and good-fitting shirt is nice. Sneakers are okay. I mean, my dad and brother are jeans and t-shirt dudes, but they are always clean and put together. Maybe it's because my mom rides their asses about it!? LOL

[paperjam1015]

I agree w/ CK..there's never a time in a relationship for being sloppy. Besides, you might run into a work contact or someone else you want to impress. I don't consider myself a prissy girl, but I try to make myself look presentable even if I am just going to the grocery store.

I try to steer away from making it personal "I like the way he looks" "I like his suit/shirt/pants"..etc Guys brains (at least the fools I've dated) tend to translate your words to "Damn, I want that guy, because you are a slob" Just my experience, don't want you to have to learn the hard way.

But I have learn that if you phrase it as "I like that shirt" "That's a nice tie" It works better. As long as you avoid the "he/his" or any other personal reference. Sheesh that was laborious.....and guys think women are sensitive....

The shopping and pointing out you are doing is great...

[pisces2473]

PJ--you're right, don't make it personal, or he'll think I want to jump my friend's BF or I don't think he's good looking at all. He is cute! I just think he should take more pride in his appearance.

Even when we first met, we both wore jeans for our first date. I can go either way--dressy or casual, but never sloppy. I think he just needs better fitting clothes and that's all :)

[paperjam1015]

If it's just the fit..Has he lost weight recently? I have several items that are too big for me b/c I lost 40 lbs and can't afford a new wardrobe. I have bought mostly new things, but guys are different about buying new clothes. For me it was an excuse to shop. Or maybe he doesn't realize he's lost weight. Or he's just uncomfortable with some aspect of his body and tried to hide it. I recently found out guys are almost as self-concious as women about that sort of thing...who knew?

[pisces2473]

He lost some weight before we met...so I'm wondering if he's thinking, "They aren't falling off of me and are in decent condition, so why do I need to go shopping?" I know my brother operates like that, and listens to me when I tell him that he needs new clothes. I think I'm going shopping soon and getting him some new things. Nothing overboard...maybe a couple of shirts?

Thanks guys for your help--just didn't want to sound petty or stupid.

[paperjam1015]

I think at this point...just one shirt. Not an outfit. See how that works, and make sure you just happen to be out shopping and saw somethning you thought he like.

You come off as thoughtful. He has new clothes. It's Win-win....
Personally I love shopping for guys. So I always enjoyed it...

Wow ya'll are reminding me of the things I miss...

[pisces2473]

Yeah, one shirt is a good call. Thanks.

[Layback]

Since I have to wear dress clothes all week at work, on weekends I try to be as much of a scrub as possible. I shower as little as possible (without smelling) and I rarely shave or comb my hair. In fact, I rarely shave on Fridays. It's important to be a grub when you can.

However, my clothes fit and I am always presentable. I Do however get compaints from my fiancee that I wear the same things over and over again, but damn it they are comfortable and I like them. I usually have 2 or 3 favorite shirts that I always wear. The rest of the time I am climbing or at work or working out.

Maybe you can drop some subtle hints or take a trip to the outlets together. A really fun weekend could be Mystic Acquariam, then hit Mystic Pizza and Drawbridge Ice Cream - 2 of my favorites - then hit Clinton Crossing on the way back. I'll bet that you can persuade him to get some stuff.

[pisces2473]

See, but shouldn't my BF want to still be nice looking for me as it hasn't even been 3 mos? LOL

Drawbridge Ice Cream--is that the place with the carousel in the back...yellow building, right across from the highway exit? Used to be called Sonnys?

Hmm, I think him and I need to plan a day trip :)

[paperjam1015]

LOL, Layback I thought you were kidding about the names of all those places... by the way...my friends and I know a guy that wears the same shirt every time we go out...we make fun of him for it..Don't be THAT guy. Just looking out for you.

Pisces...Some guys don't have a clue about dressing. As long as it is clean and no holes...it must be OK. You'd think they'd notice...but somethings we will never understand about men....

Good luck to you. Let us know how it turns out.

[Layback]

Nah - we don't do that. Once we know that you love us, we don't care.

Drawbridge Ice cream is right next to the Drawbridge - I guess that's where they got the name. :p

Maybe you are thinking of Lenny & Joes - near Hammonasset? Another one of my favorites - and right down the street from Clinton Crossing.

[pisces2473]

LOL! No, those places are all real. Including Mystic Pizza, which existed before the movie0--actually the movie was filmed there.

Maybe he doesn't have a clue. He'd been without a GF for a year before he met me and in that time his mom got sick and died and he got a new job which takes more of his time than before. So all of these factors could be why his wardrobe is sliding.

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by Layback
Nah - we don't do that. Once we know that you love us, we don't care.

Drawbridge Ice cream is right next to the Drawbridge - I guess that's where they got the name. :p

Maybe you are thinking of Lenny & Joes - near Hammonasset? Another one of my favorites - and right down the street from Clinton Crossing.

Ahhh, okay. See, he knows I love him :)

I know Lenny & Joes, silly, I live right near there! There's another place in Mystic that does ice cream--there's like an entertainment center there and stuff...it's kinda weird, lol. But not the same place you're thinking of!

[paperjam1015]

Ha... I still thought it wqas named after the movie...I am imagining this quaint little town.

I wanna go see it!

[pisces2473]

It is a quaint little town :)

[paperjam1015]

Ahhh, okay. See, he knows I love him

:eek: You said the "L" word!!!!!

[pisces2473]

Yeah, we both did, lol.

[paperjam1015]

LOL... WOO HOO Good for you!!! :D

[pisces2473]

*blushes* Thanks!

I've been trying to get you some links about Mystic, but my computer is SLOOOOOW today. :(

[paperjam1015]

forget Mystic!!! I wanna know about the new developments with the boy!!!

IM me if you want/can.

[pisces2473]

We'll have to make that a PM, unless you'll be online later. No more IM at work. :(

[paperjam1015]

LOL..that sucks...I can't get IM at work. Gotta do it when I work @ home.

I'll be on but not til 10PM... But IWANNA KNOW!!!

[pisces2473]

Check your PM :)

[Crossroads]

If the guy wears suits all week at work, you may want to cut him some slack. :)

[Crimson King II]

I wear suits all week, but I find that's not that hard of a thing to do...ideally, I'd have about 20-30 suits and could wear them a lot and then pull them apart to create various outfits and whatnot. I find that I can go into a room in a suit when others aren't and I feel better...because no matter what you do people equate suits with power. I don't know why, but they often do. So I don't get when guys think it's such a horrible thing to wear suits a lot. Anyone ever see Donald Trump in jeans and a t shirt?

[Crossroads]

That's not quite what I'm saying... I'm the type of girl that wants to be comfortable on the weekend if I have to dress up all during the week and don't get to wear those comfy clothes. Maybe he's experiencing the same thing? Either that, maybe what Jen's idea of scruffy isn't his...maybe he thinks he looks OK?

[pisces2473]

We talked last night. He does want to be comfy on the weekends, but he does realize that his clothes are old. He did say that he was thinking about going to get some new ones soon...and we made plans to go shopping this weekend. I put it in the terms of me wanting to look nice for him and when he comes over, it seems like he doesn't care if he looks nice for me. He said that I was right, and that he kinda let himself go after his last GF...so I was like, now it's time to bring yourself back up! I told him that jeans/t's are fine, it's just he needs some newer stuff. Actually, he admitted that the reason he didn't want to go out with my friends to a hockey game last weekend was b/c he didn't have nice enough clothes. When he was in grad school, he worked at Home Depot and could wear whatever. So when he started his "real" job with suits, he didn't have time to get new casual clothes. So it all made sense, he was glad I brought it up and I'm glad we talked.

Thanks everyone! :)

[Masterbuilder]

Alright, so, I'm a 23 yr. old guy (I'll be 24 this summer), but I've always appreciated suits and I try to dress cleanly and neatly every day. I'm not sure why this is, probably at least in part b/c both my parents are professionals and so I saw business attire on a daily basis as I was growing up. I won't wear a shirt, or pants, or anything, if it has a tear, hole, stain, etc., in it. That's even on the weekends! And I honestly don't mind shopping for clothes, just as long as I don't do it more than once a month or so, and so long as I have an exact idea of what I need, and go right to where that is, and get it, and get out, and get on to the pub.

Ah, I was just rereading this message of mine, and thought I should address pieces' original question. Although I'm not involved with anyone right now, if I were I would take some care in my appearance when I'm around her, as I would at all times. Like another poster said, there really isn't a time when you can get to comfortable about that stuff. It's one thing to wear an old T-shirt and jeans while you're working in the yard, say, or painting the house, but apart from stuff like that it's just "better" to be presentable.

I also appreciate the references to basing your fashion on the Sopranos, that's one of my favorite shows, and yes, I really do like some of the suits and shirts the characters wear on there. Although much of the time that stuff is too flashy for me . . .