Bars/Nightlife losing novelty?

[scottie84]

I'm 25 and I feel like bars/nightlife/drinking has a lost A LOT of appeal. I live in the NYC metro area so there are definitely a lot of nightlife options. I wanted to know if anyone feels the novelty of this is wearing off. When I was 22, going into NYC/down the shore/Hoboken was the thing to do, now I feel its kind of lame and I look at the people a little differently. That lifestyle seems kind of "empty" at the end of the day. Does anyone feel the same or am I just being totally lame?

[hereisnewyork]

it's definitely not lame, i got sick of that not long after college...and when i moved to nyc i was relieved that i had so many other options that that didn't need to be one of them!

[KCboy]

I think it depends on who you are with. I thought it was losing its luster around the time I turned 27, but that's just because I was bored with the people I was going with at the time.

[pawnstar3]

I'm 27 and i can honestly say it has very much lost its luster for me- there are nights where i would honestly rather stay in and watch tv than go to bars/clubs- i was never really into the scene much anyway (just sort of did it because what else is there to do when you're in your 20's) but now it's gotten more boring and meaningless than ever-it does depend on the people though - i think i have more of a problem with the people i go to these places with - truth of the matter is i would much rather have a SO and see her on the weekends than party with ppl i'm not even crazy about anymore and being in places that 21 year olds are in - going to bars/clubs is like anything else in life - you do it almost as a rite of passage - but it quickly loses its luster for most people and you realized you're past that part of your life and you desperately wanna move on

[HDC80]

....for most people.

Im not a fan of that statement, it seems to judge those that arent 'over' the scene.

I LOVE going out. Love hitting up a new bar, going dancing, meeting up with friends over drinks, seeing live music....but generally Im out both nights on the weekend.

BUt is that all I do? Hell no. Concerts, museums, walks around the city, travel, window shopping, pot lucks, game nights.

Though it all depends on the people. There are friends that are not fun to go out with...plan home stuff with them......other friends are GREAT to party with....head out with them.....
Its all about balance.

[DaneCA]

For me, the desire to go out comes in waves. I've noticed that when I'm in a relationship, I'm happy to avoid the bar scene for the most part and I only go out once every few weeks or so. Now that I'm newly single and a lot of my friends are, too, I'm really enjoying going out, so I've been doing a lot of it. I'd like to find a balance, though, because I realize that these extremes aren't exactly healthy and that I've probably sacrificed my own wants in the past, either because I thought I should, or because I was with someone whose interests were different from mine.

But just because I go out a lot, that doesn't mean I'm always drinking. It's totally possible to go to a bar and just have one drink or none at all. Like others said, I like going out because it means spending time with my friends. If we didn't have so much fun every time we went out, I wouldn't do it anymore.

[Deni81]

I'm 27 and I still love going out sometimes but not in the same way that I did when I was 21. Back in my college years I went out almost every weekend, now I like to have a nice balance between staying home and hitting up the town. I have noticed now when I go out I like to go to smaller bars where I can have a good conversation with friends instead of some overpriced trendy spot.

[Tayl405]

I'm 27 and I still love going out sometimes but not in the same way that I did when I was 21. Back in my college years I went out almost every weekend, now I like to have a nice balance between staying home and hitting up the town. I have noticed now when I go out I like to go to smaller bars where I can have a good conversation with friends instead of some overpriced trendy spot.

Same here.

[Deni81]

In the last month or so my boyfriend and I have been hosting game nights where friends bring over board games and beers, this has proven to be more fun than wasting money at a noisy, crowded bar.

[Schecter_Guy]

It is definitely a matter of who you are with. But in general I found myself getting burnt out. If I am going to spend my money on overpriced drinks I am going to get my money's worth. That mentallity started taking its toll on my body. I just got burnt out. It doesn't help that the music played in clubs is whack as hell these days. So I dunno...

[Tayl405]

I'm lucky that because I live in a big city there is a wide variety of nightlife. I'm not into "clubs" or huge, trendy spots except for on special occassions. I'm more into the corner bars and pubs or BYOs. Plus there are a ton right near my apt. so I can take a cheap cab home if I need to and pretty much walk to my car the next day. I'm much more likely to go out if there is less of a hassle...

But now it's hard for me to go out both Friday AND Saturday night. I try to alternate.

[ugarachel82]

The bar/nightlife scene never really held any appeal to me, even at 21. Like Deni, said, I too enjoy the calmer bars where can sit down and have a conversation over the trendier spots. I have also been having a lot of game nights rotating at friends' houses where we take turns bringing drinks. Cuts down on cost and its a whole lot more fun being able to socialize vs. having to scream over music/loud people/whathaveyou.

[winneythepooh7]

I live in the NYC area as well. Since getting married, moving to the suburbs of Long Island and having my son, I have no desire to go out anymore to bars and especially not to clubs. I still didn't mind going to local bars here and there before my son, but now I'd much rather be with him. Plus, I have to be responsible.....going out an getting trashed and then trying to be there for a 6 month old is not really an appropriate decision, for me. Before my son, going out in general started to lose it's appeal when I had to trek into the city all of the time because most of my friends refused to make the reverse commute to come and hang out with me, even if only once in a blue moon. We go out to dinner now once in awhile and I will order a glass of wine, or I will have a few cocktails at home. It's also much cheaper and economical for me to do that and maybe just have a few friends over.

[oldmanwinter]

If anything, I enjoy going to bars more now than I did when I was younger. I am 27.

One thing I have noticed is that a lot of people equate bars with a place to find a mate. From my observations, these are the people who quickly burn out on the scene. It was never that way for me. Just a fun place to hang out with friends while meeting some cool people in the process.

And it is the meeting people that I enjoy most. I would say that most of my post-school friends have been made in a bar setting. Not that there is anything wrong with my current friends, but it's always fun to make a new one. Staying in with a close group does not usually afford those opportunities.

Also, I am a night owl. The nightlife fits perfectly into my natural schedule. I know some people who would rather be in bed by 11. I'm just getting going by that time. There really isn't much else to do, socially speaking, at that time of the day.

What bothers me is that most of my friends are entering the stage where they no longer have interest in the scene. When nobody wants to go out, I'm left craving for the social outlet. I have been unable to find a suitable replacement. I am certain this is the root of my QLC; the feeling that I will be unable to find an outlet for my social needs as I get older.

[wordsmith]

I enjoy a bar if there's something there to do (a band I like is playing, there's a trivia tournament or karaoke, they have really good burgers, etc.), and if I'm there as part of a gathering of friends.

I'm 32 years old and in a long-term relationship; I don't go to bars anymore as a destination just to hang at the bar. The spending time with friends is the focal point, and we could just as easily be barbecuing at a park, hanging out at one another's houses, etc, and more often are.

[Rage]

I was just thinking about this the other night after being the DD during a night out where we did a bit of bar hopping, and then hit a dance club. I enjoyed the coversation at the bar, but the club we went to after left me with this sort of empty feeling. I'm almost 29, and it was definitely a younger crowd. The music wasn't exactly my style of dancing unless I've had a few beers, and there was just a general feeling of "on the prowl" that I don't enjoy. What I mean by on the prowl is typified in cold weather by a bunch of dudes in black leather jackets with hair gel and cologne.

This scene is much different than a mixed group where people seem to be there just to have fun instead of hook up. It's hard to wrap words around a feeling.

I used to love going to the bars and clubs. I still enjoy it. I'm married now for almost eight years and we're about to have kid #2. About every two or three weeks, I like to hit the bars and clubs to let off some steam with the guys. My outlook changed when I got married, and continues to evolve as I get older. I am cogniscant of being that old guy everyone stares at, and try to avoid those situations. I imagine eventually I'll be more and more into conversation and bars, and the good old kareoke experience once in awhile.

I've found that it really depends on the scene for me and whether or not I've had a few beers. As bad as it sounds, the beers make any scene manageable, even if it sucks.

[pawnstar3]

I was just thinking about this the other night after being the DD during a night out where we did a bit of bar hopping, and then hit a dance club. I enjoyed the coversation at the bar, but the club we went to after left me with this sort of empty feeling. I'm almost 29, and it was definitely a younger crowd. The music wasn't exactly my style of dancing unless I've had a few beers, and there was just a general feeling of "on the prowl" that I don't enjoy. What I mean by on the prowl is typified in cold weather by a bunch of dudes in black leather jackets with hair gel and cologne.

This scene is much different than a mixed group where people seem to be there just to have fun instead of hook up. It's hard to wrap words around a feeling.

I used to love going to the bars and clubs. I still enjoy it. I'm married now for almost eight years and we're about to have kid #2. About every two or three weeks, I like to hit the bars and clubs to let off some steam with the guys. My outlook changed when I got married, and continues to evolve as I get older. I am cogniscant of being that old guy everyone stares at, and try to avoid those situations. I imagine eventually I'll be more and more into conversation and bars, and the good old kareoke experience once in awhile.

I've found that it really depends on the scene for me and whether or not I've had a few beers. As bad as it sounds, the beers make any scene manageable, even if it sucks.

I'll be honest with you - if i was 29 and married (i'm currently 27 and single) i prob would have zero desire to be in clubs anymore - bars, maybe, but more as a hangout type of thing- the problem is that these places, like you said, are filled with people just looking to hook up and it's also a very young crowd a lot of times- going to these places are like a rite of passage, just like so many other things in life- people move past that at different ages, but i already feel like i'm past it to a degree- having said that, going dancing with a SO at a club can still be a lot of fun

[Rage]

I wouldn't really expect anything but honesty on a forum, particularly since you don't know me and don't have to spare my feelings either. With that, I say to each his own I guess. I enjoy it once every few weeks as a guys night out. We go out as a mix of single and attached, usually to a bar to have a few brews and talk, and then sometimes we like to go to a club. Even the clubs we go to aren't really the mega-complex places playing electronica or whatever.

In my experience in my area, not every club/bar is a hookup spot filled with 21-yr-olds. It really depends on the place, and that's kind of what I was getting at when we went to a place that wasn't a right fit for me.

[mahlerssecond]

I am 31 and the bar/nightclub scene has never been my forte. I may go once in a blue moon to mostly hear a band or have a meal. For some reason, the excessive use of alcohol and how it causes people to act has always been a big turn off to me. When I was 18 years old, I saw a friend almost get beaten to death (long story) with my own eyes, after a night of drinking. He was a standout basketball player, was laid up for six weeks in a coma, and he had to basically relearn most life functions. It changed my view on life and scared me enough to keep me away from the drinking establishments.

I love frequenting the local coffeehouses though.

[Sanman111]

I'm 25 and have started to really get sick of the bar/club scene too. However, that may be a function of the company I keep as many of my moderate drinker friends are in relationships and not around much. That has left a lot of my harder partying friends and me (who barely drinks at all anymore). That said, with the right group, I still like pubs and bier gardens. Darts or a pool table are a big plus for me as well. I also agree that dancing with an SO (or really any attractive woman) is still fun as well.

[pawnstar3]

It's funny because if i want to spend time with a friend at this point, i'd rather do things like dinner, movie, etc - bars and clubs are really getting tiresome to me - i oftentimes find myself trying to have a good time instead of actually having one - i just feel over it - then again i was never too keen on it to begin with - but it def used to be more fun - it has to do with company i think but also the kind of person you are - some people like to drink and party, others like it in moderation, some not at all, etc - on saturday night i caught a movie with one of my friends and that was more fun than i've had going to bars in quite some

[Lost_Realist]

This thread makes me feel a lot better about myself. Again I thought I was being weird and anti-social because I've never really liked bars and clubs. I especially hate the bars near me, because I live near a college, so every bar is in the area is like a wannabe club and packed with college kids. Not so much fun when you're almost 27.

Over the years, I've made friends with a couple of the local bands, and that's really the only time I like going to a bar. Plus, I've never been a big drinker, so I have like one or two beers or Jack and Cokes and I'm good for the night. People who are like, "Maaaaan, I got sooooooo wasted over the weekend I couldn't remember anything. It was AWESOME!!!" annoy me more than most things.

My one friend wants to do nothing but go to bars, and she doesn't even drink. I have to admit, I find it hysterical, annoying, and kind of sad at the same time. It's like she wants to go there just because she thinks that's what she's supposed to do to have fun. She's so completely brainwashed that unless you're going to the bar on the weekend, you're just a lame uncool boring person.

Nice to know I'm not the only one who doesn't like bars.

[FishOutOfWater]

I was never big into the bar / club scene, even at 21 and single. My college friends and I are really not the bar types - our idea of fun was usually to hang out in someone's dorm room and drink ourselves silly while playing ridiculous games. We did attend on-campus parties together but never really went out to bars.

Since graduating, I've been out mroe to bars and clubs but find I'm picky about the kinds I like. I'm not big into clubs, with loud music, huge crowds, overpriced drinks, and the meat market. I'm more into relaxed, neighborhood bars with a more chill vibe. I especially like it if there's a theme other than sitting around and drinking, like karaoke, trivia, or games. Unfortunately these tend to be on 'off' weeknights, which means I can't go most of the time. Usually when I go out to bars and clubs it's to one of those theme places or to celebrate something like a birthday, the end of finals, etc, and it's typically with classmates. I think of bars as simply one type of entertainment, and there's often other ways to spend my time that are more fun.

[wordsmith]

I'm more into relaxed, neighborhood bars with a more chill vibe. I especially like it if there's a theme other than sitting around and drinking, like karaoke, trivia, or games.

I never did find bars that weren't like this (or clubs) to be much fun, just a matter of taste. I hate being packed like sardines, music too loud to talk to one another, having to elbow your way through five layers of people teetering on platform wedges and heels so you can wave a fistful of cash at the bartenders for ten minutes before they see you and get you an overpriced vodka drink, and all the chicks being overdressed and giving one another the bitch-eye. I'll take a low-key, chill neighborhood "Cheers" bar any day, and that's always been the way with me, it's not just something that cropped up when I got through my twenties.

[gemma-dahl]

The only bars or clubs I like are those that cater to my specific musical tastes (Goth, industrial, alternative); those that are featuring something you wouldn't see every day (a chamber orchestra, jazz combo, etc.); those where I know everyone and like them (wordsmith's "Cheers" bar), or those that feature performance art of some kind (burlesque, improvs, etc.). I might go out two or three times a month. When I was younger, I cared a lot less about the quality of nightlife. Now, I am much pickier, and much, much more careful with my money.

[wordsmith]

When I was younger, I cared a lot less about the quality of nightlife. Now, I am much pickier, and much, much more careful with my money.

Ditto. I cannot/will not blow a huge chunk of money on a night of drinking. Priorities, priorities. And I want a night out to be worth the money.

[astronaut83]

I've been thinking about this too lately. I hate clubs and prefer a laid back bar to hang out and chat with friends (a great jukebox is a huge plus). When I was 21, I didn't go out as much mainly because I lived with my parents and in a neighborhood where it's unacceptable for women to be at a bar (unless you wanted to get harassed). When I moved out three years ago, I hit the bars constantly and enjoyed it a lot.

Now I'm 26. I still like hanging out at a bar, but the getting trashed part is getting old. Sure it feels like a relief once in a super long while (especially if you're really stressed), but doing it again the next day is too much. I still have friends (including my SO) that like doing this multiple days in a row! I'm the youngest one in the group and I refuse going out the next day. It's not only old, but exhausting!

[fuzmiq]

I couldn't wait to turn 21, so I could go out! Not to drink, but for dancing. There's that left over excitement from when I was a kid of wanting to stay up "past my bedtime." I think that's part of the allure of nightclubs. They would be so much less fun during the day. If club life existed during the day, people would actually get a clear look at what the other people look like!

There's something thrilling about "after midnight." Something adventurous, dangerous, fantastic could happen at 3:30am...or at least it can seem that way.

But once I turned about 25, I started to focus on the dancing part and not the clubbing part and got really into salsa dancing.

I can think of so many other things that I would rather do than go clubbing. A barbecue, a game night, a trip to an amusement park, etc. As long as I get to spend time with my friends, I couldn't care less what we do.

[Minipan]

I'm in my late 20s and still enjoy going to bars or out drinking. I've never liked clubs much, though.