I guess it's a question to the guys... do you think about missed opportunities??

[loner]

as guys, we know how difficult it is to find attractive, single women when you are outside your social network in a far away city and outside of college.

for women, I tend to believe that you get attracted males on a consistent basis. You may not be attracted, but let's be honest, women have it easier in the dating game and have more males competing for them.

sometimes, I think about all the missed opportunities. The females in college who I should've have pursued. It happened too often and now I've never really been in a relationship while I see other guys prosper. Some guys I know are with the most beautiful women and I admit I feel a sting inside. I let all the good opportunities pass me by... I am now NOT in the situation to be surrounded by women or have them fawning over me.

[AznHisoka]

We all have regrets. It just makes you realize you should grab every opportunity from now on, so be prepared! =)

[loner]

We all have regrets. It just makes you realize you should grab every opportunity from now on, so be prepared! =)

there's a girl who I really liked and who liked me back
but due to my inexperience, I didn't know how to pursue. Eventually, a guy that I dislike made his move and took her away. I can't bear the thought of them together. I moved on and cut them both from my life but it hurts because it had to be THAT guy out of anyone in this world. I truly wouldn't care if it was anyone but him. That's why I need to meet new girls but the opportunities are dismal

[pawnstar3]

there's a girl who I really liked and who liked me back
but due to my inexperience, I didn't know how to pursue. Eventually, a guy that I dislike made his move and took her away. I can't bear the thought of them together. I moved on and cut them both from my life but it hurts because it had to be THAT guy out of anyone in this world. I truly wouldn't care if it was anyone but him. That's why I need to meet new girls but the opportunities are dismal

First of all i know EXACTLY how you feel about missed opportunities and limited opportunities now - when i was in college, i was inexperienced and let a great girl slip through my fingers- she was by far the most attractive girl i've ever had an opportunity to be with - needless to say we remained friends and she wound up getting married and we stopped speaking altogether - i've only been with a few girls since then and i broke up with my ex almost 2 years ago and have been totally single ever since- it seems like EVERY guy i know is landing girls left and right and they have no problem finding girls in a variety of places- for some reason that doesn't happen for me, and it's gotten very frustrating

[Shaolin Rob]

I do sometimes think about my missed opportunities. I was seeing three awesome, attractive girls my during my last years of college (not at the same time of course). I went to college away from home and they were both underclass(wo)men, so I knew that there was likely little chance that we would remain together once I graduated. I was not looking to remain in the area of my school, and I did not want to deprive them of college dating experiences by trying to uphold a long-distance relationship (which rarely work anyway).

Sometimes I do wonder what might have been if I remained in the area and continued seeing any of them. Two of them are now married. But, you never know what could happen in life and shouldn't have any regrets. I would be pretty bitter if I remained in the area for their sake and it ended up not working out. Plus, if they were looking to get married so young, it never would have worked between myself and them, lol.

Meeting girls is definitely a lot harder ever since I left college. I was pretty involved with various campus activities and meeting girls is a lot easier when you see them repeatedly in a group setting for an activity you share. Group activities conducive to meeting girls are out there, but there are more limitations based on your location, gender ratios and the age demographics, and availability.

Still, you just gotta go out and try. Find activities you're genuinely interested in, don't be attached to any outcomes (aka don't appear desperate), perhaps read a few books on becoming a good conversationalist, and then its just the luck of who you happen to meet...

[loner]

two questions:

how do you become a good conversationalist?
I usually end up as the one who asks questions and try to share bits and pieces here and there. I'm also comfortable with silence moments.. but I guess most people aren't.

how do you get an attractive girlfriend?
I mention this because I overheard that this guy got a really hot girlfriend. I saw the pictures and they were right. Too many lost opportunities :(

[AznHisoka]

It's all in the mental attitude. If you feel you're not good enough, then reality is just going to reflect your thoughts. So feel confident inside, and the rest will follow. Then you could learn to be a good conversationalist.

Finding an attractive girlfriend is not hard, and it is not chance (this is a very dangerous belief to have, I know some ppl here believe it, even if it's true, why believe it? It's depressing and accomplishes nothing). You need to go out and socialize... a lot. It's great to make connections with other humans in this world you know, and seeking a relationship helps you learn a lot about yourself. Go out and discover new social groups. Join a church or free thinking group. Join a meetup with lots of young people. Do speed dating. Take a yoga class. Attend a free concert. Talk to people in coffee shops. Talk to more strangers. Seriously, go up to a total stranger one day, and just say hi, and strike up a conversation.

[larry52]

Finding an attractive girlfriend is not hard

That statement is very dependent on many things. It may not be difficult for some guys, but for others it's nearly impossible.

[pawnstar3]

That statement is very dependent on many things. It may not be difficult for some guys, but for others it's nearly impossible.

Finding any gf is hard, let alone an attractive one - it's naive to think that it's easy finding a gf- getting a date is even difficult for some guys - networking is obviously a big factor and the problem is that when your networking sucks, it's just very hard to find someone - i agree that you need to expand the networks but that's also easier said than done - and even if you join some groups, etc. that doesn't guarantee you anything - people in relationships think it's easy to find someone - when your're single you see things differently- it's all relative but the bottom line is that it's VERY hard to find a gf for some guys

[Shaolin Rob]

two questions:

how do you become a good conversationalist?
I usually end up as the one who asks questions and try to share bits and pieces here and there. I'm also comfortable with silence moments.. but I guess most people aren't.

how do you get an attractive girlfriend?
I mention this because I overheard that this guy got a really hot girlfriend. I saw the pictures and they were right. Too many lost opportunities :(

Being a good conversationalist involves a few different things. You have to be a dynamic story teller. You can tell the same story two different ways and get two different reactions.. I think that should be obvious. If you talk like Ben Stein, you WILL lose someone's interest. Don't linger on topics for too long. Demonstrate your knowledge about various (interesting) topics and not mundane things. Everyone has many things I'm sure they would love to get into a good conversation about, even with a total stranger.. but we don't prepare for that occurrence and then when we're presented with the opportunity, we sputter. Think about these things and bring it to the forefront of your mind.

As for getting an attractive girlfriend... what do you find attractive? What does your "type" of girl find attractive? There are certain common traits and values all women would find attractive, but other than that you may have to change your approach based on who you'd like to meet. For example.. you wouldn't interact with a punk rocker girl the same way you would with a very traditional Asian girl, would you?

Other than that, there aren't that many differences between a practicularly "attractive" girl and one who isn't (by whatever your standards are). Certainly self-esteem and social expectations vary from person to person, but everyone has their insecurities and you can't place anyone on a pedestal.

Some reading that may be helpful for you is "Rules of The Game" by Neil Strauss.

[kirkhinrich1287]

getting a date is even difficult for some guys

yeah, i'm 22 and i've never even been on a date

[ugarachel82]

yeah, i'm 22 and i've never even been on a date

Don't go down that road on this board...there's a whole thread on this one topic alone, I believe. Where is it?

It's more common than you would think, and 22 is not that old...

[gemma-dahl]

Finding any gf is hard, let alone an attractive one - it's naive to think that it's easy finding a gf- getting a date is even difficult for some guys - networking is obviously a big factor and the problem is that when your networking sucks, it's just very hard to find someone - i agree that you need to expand the networks but that's also easier said than done - and even if you join some groups, etc. that doesn't guarantee you anything - people in relationships think it's easy to find someone - when your're single you see things differently- it's all relative but the bottom line is that it's VERY hard to find a gf for some guys


I guess attractive is all subjective. I like geeks, especially if they're shy or very introverted...they're always the most interesting. I'm not so into the Abercrombie and Fitch buff broseph look with the cocky, asshole attitude to match that many women fall all over. (Of course, that's unfair to men who just happen to be buff but who have the personalities of lambs...but I can smell the "asshole bad boy" vibe and it doesn't yank my crank. I'm not interested in "challenges" or "games.")

Dating is never easy. I felt that way for a long time, especially in college with a long string of short-lived, failed relationships. I also found it hard to meet like-minded people in college, of all places, because the boys just wanted to hook up. My partner was my neighbor. Literally, he lived down the street from me, before I moved. We used to have a drink after work and talk about literature and philosophy. I just kinda kept bumping into him and we thought we'd hang out. Then, when I lived in the new neighborhood, he texted me one day. I called, set up a date, and the rest is history. Sometimes, some really cool people could be right down the street. I never say it's easy, but I always advise to keep an open mind.

[kirkhinrich1287]

Don't go down that road on this board...there's a whole thread on this one topic alone, I believe. Where is it?

It's more common than you would think, and 22 is not that old...

really? i guess i dont feel so bad now. it seems like whenever i mention that on a message board or someone online (because i'm too ashamed to tell anyone IRL), they seem really shocked

I guess attractive is all subjective. I like geeks, especially if they're shy or very introverted...they're always the most interesting.


are you shy and introverted? or have you just been neglected most of your life? i wondered why the only 3-4 girls to ever like me did so, until i heard that its because they were neglected or lonely in their earlier years. i wonder if thats really true?

[kirkhinrich1287]

etworking is obviously a big factor and the problem is that when your networking sucks, it's just very hard to find someone - i agree that you need to expand the networks but that's also easier said than done - and even if you join some groups, etc. that doesn't guarantee you anything

so its gonna be extremely hard for me to find my 1st gf if i have 1 semester left in undergrad, currently have NO female friends, no close friends, and my only 'friends' are all nerds like me who've never had a gf? i cant really think of anything other than to put my ego on the line and ask my acquaintances who are good with girls, if they know of any single girls

[gemma-dahl]

are you shy and introverted? or have you just been neglected most of your life? i wondered why the only 3-4 girls to ever like me did so, until i heard that its because they were neglected or lonely in their earlier years. i wonder if thats really true?

I only had one high-school boyfriend, but in college, I had my pick of dates. I am fairly introverted, but that's partially because my interests, such as computers, science, and noise music, aren't really popular.

Nah, I just like geeks and nerds because they're more likely to share in my interests and waaaaay less likely to be self-centered assholes. Though I have found exceptions, of course! :p

[golden child]

I think you're right in the assertion that women have it easier in the dating game. It is traditionally the man's job to single handedly initiate a relationship with a woman. It is an unspoken rule for a man to make the first approach and introduce himself to a woman, get her phone number, call her for a date and make the first romantic move. And every step of the way, the woman can rudely reject the man if she feels like it, which is often the case.

Women have it easier dating because they are not expected to have everything accomplished in life, unlike men. Ultimately, women just need to look good. The sad truth is men are visual creatures that place high value upon a woman's looks. Most men will put up with a woman with an ugly, abrasive, uptight or bland personality if she satisfies a certain standard a physical beauty. For a man to be successful in the dating game, he often needs to be tall, handsome, well dressed, have a well paying secure job, lots of money, a nice house or apartment (no mama's basement), nice expensive car(s) as well as superior charm, charisma and social skills (game) to win her over. Men need to fulfill a certain material standard to get with women. This is the reason why so many rich and successful men have beautiful trophy wives. I have known normal college girls who date mostly professional athletes like NFL and NBA players, famous rappers & entertainers and high paid executives. Why? Because these young women were stunningly beautiful and sexy and it didn't matter that they were broke college girls. But you see, it rarely works the other way around. How many broke, unemployed men who live at home with their parents date hip hop video models? But I don't blame many women for being gold diggers by choosing to be with rich or financially stable men. After all, whenever you get involved sexually with a female there is always the chance that she may become pregnant and you'll be responsible for financially supporting a child, which is astronomically expensive. I know I've made a lot of generalizations, but there is a great amount of truth to what I'm writing about.

[Ezra Pippen]

And what of those whose looks don't buy them a dependent child-like relationship? Are they not in the group called 'women'? What of those with the looks who do not want to be dependent?

[DaneCA]

I think you're right in the assertion that women have it easier in the dating game. It is traditionally the man's job to single handedly initiate a relationship with a woman. It is an unspoken rule for a man to make the first approach and introduce himself to a woman, get her phone number, call her for a date and make the first romantic move. And every step of the way, the woman can rudely reject the man if she feels like it, which is often the case.

Women have it easier dating because they are not expected to have everything accomplished in life, unlike men. Ultimately, women just need to look good. The sad truth is men are visual creatures that place high value upon a woman's looks. Most men will put up with a woman with an ugly, abrasive, uptight or bland personality if she satisfies a certain standard a physical beauty. For a man to be successful in the dating game, he often needs to be tall, handsome, well dressed, have a well paying secure job, lots of money, a nice house or apartment (no mama's basement), nice expensive car(s) as well as superior charm, charisma and social skills (game) to win her over. Men need to fulfill a certain material standard to get with women. This is the reason why so many rich and successful men have beautiful trophy wives. I have known normal college girls who date mostly professional athletes like NFL and NBA players, famous rappers & entertainers and high paid executives. Why? Because these young women were stunningly beautiful and sexy and it didn't matter that they were broke college girls. But you see, it rarely works the other way around. How many broke, unemployed men who live at home with their parents date hip hop video models? But I don't blame many women for being gold diggers by choosing to be with rich or financially stable men. After all, whenever you get involved sexually with a female there is always the chance that she may become pregnant and you'll be responsible for financially supporting a child, which is astronomically expensive. I know I've made a lot of generalizations, but there is a great amount of truth to what I'm writing about.

You need to stop with the (totally offensive) blanket statements. First it's that women who go to clubs are "unsavory characters" who are promiscuous and have deep-seated issues, and now they're all golddiggers? Are you serious? If you have such a low opinion of women, why do you even bother trying to date? Also, the instant a woman senses how little you respect her and everyone of her gender, she's going to be 100 percent turned-off unless she has no respect for herself. Good luck finding a girlfriend with that attitude.

[Tayl405]

Yeah, I don't know what kinds of girls you are hanging around, but they don't sound like anyone I know!

[leira]

I think you're right in the assertion that women have it easier in the dating game. It is traditionally the man's job to single handedly initiate a relationship with a woman. It is an unspoken rule for a man to make the first approach and introduce himself to a woman, get her phone number, call her for a date and make the first romantic move. And every step of the way, the woman can rudely reject the man if she feels like it, which is often the case.

Women have it easier dating because they are not expected to have everything accomplished in life, unlike men. Ultimately, women just need to look good. The sad truth is men are visual creatures that place high value upon a woman's looks. Most men will put up with a woman with an ugly, abrasive, uptight or bland personality if she satisfies a certain standard a physical beauty. For a man to be successful in the dating game, he often needs to be tall, handsome, well dressed, have a well paying secure job, lots of money, a nice house or apartment (no mama's basement), nice expensive car(s) as well as superior charm, charisma and social skills (game) to win her over. Men need to fulfill a certain material standard to get with women. This is the reason why so many rich and successful men have beautiful trophy wives. I have known normal college girls who date mostly professional athletes like NFL and NBA players, famous rappers & entertainers and high paid executives. Why? Because these young women were stunningly beautiful and sexy and it didn't matter that they were broke college girls. But you see, it rarely works the other way around. How many broke, unemployed men who live at home with their parents date hip hop video models? But I don't blame many women for being gold diggers by choosing to be with rich or financially stable men. After all, whenever you get involved sexually with a female there is always the chance that she may become pregnant and you'll be responsible for financially supporting a child, which is astronomically expensive. I know I've made a lot of generalizations, but there is a great amount of truth to what I'm writing about.

Women have it "easier?" Yikes... I don't know any woman who has had it "easier" than men... I agree with the others- please no blanket offensive statements on here!

[hoodie]

Women have it easier dating because they are not expected to have everything accomplished in life, unlike men. Ultimately, women just need to look good.

Right. Because none of us have goals, jobs, bills, chores, debt, friends, children, spouses/significant others, parents, siblings, pets, the need to get an education, or other responsibilities. Nothing at all to accomplish. Nope, just us and our eyelash curlers looking pretty and being taken care of by those accomplished, caring men that its SO easy for us to find and date.


Now if you'll excuse me, my unicorn is here to take me on my ride through the rainbow colored clouds.

Seriously dude?

[Samwell]

Yeah, I don't know what kinds of girls you are hanging around, but they don't sound like anyone I know!

I think it's the kind you "meet" via cable television.

[Ezra Pippen]

Now if you'll excuse me, my unicorn is here to take me on my ride through the rainbow colored clouds.



But wait, there's more. The guy riding up on the beach on a stallion says he will pay your health insurance bill this year.

[yogaflame13]

I think you're right in the assertion that women have it easier in the dating game. It is traditionally the man's job to single handedly initiate a relationship with a woman. It is an unspoken rule for a man to make the first approach and introduce himself to a woman, get her phone number, call her for a date and make the first romantic move. And every step of the way, the woman can rudely reject the man if she feels like it, which is often the case.

Women have it easier dating because they are not expected to have everything accomplished in life, unlike men. Ultimately, women just need to look good. The sad truth is men are visual creatures that place high value upon a woman's looks. Most men will put up with a woman with an ugly, abrasive, uptight or bland personality if she satisfies a certain standard a physical beauty. For a man to be successful in the dating game, he often needs to be tall, handsome, well dressed, have a well paying secure job, lots of money, a nice house or apartment (no mama's basement), nice expensive car(s) as well as superior charm, charisma and social skills (game) to win her over. Men need to fulfill a certain material standard to get with women. This is the reason why so many rich and successful men have beautiful trophy wives. I have known normal college girls who date mostly professional athletes like NFL and NBA players, famous rappers & entertainers and high paid executives. Why? Because these young women were stunningly beautiful and sexy and it didn't matter that they were broke college girls. But you see, it rarely works the other way around. How many broke, unemployed men who live at home with their parents date hip hop video models? But I don't blame many women for being gold diggers by choosing to be with rich or financially stable men. After all, whenever you get involved sexually with a female there is always the chance that she may become pregnant and you'll be responsible for financially supporting a child, which is astronomically expensive. I know I've made a lot of generalizations, but there is a great amount of truth to what I'm writing about.

Wow. Please tell me where you are living so I can never ever go there. That has to be one of the worst posts I have read on this forum.

[gemma-dahl]

I think it's the kind you "meet" via cable television.

Especially MTV.

[sarahg]

I think you're right in the assertion that women have it easier in the dating game. It is traditionally the man's job to single handedly initiate a relationship with a woman. It is an unspoken rule for a man to make the first approach and introduce himself to a woman, get her phone number, call her for a date and make the first romantic move. And every step of the way, the woman can rudely reject the man if she feels like it, which is often the case.

Women have it easier dating because they are not expected to have everything accomplished in life, unlike men. Ultimately, women just need to look good. The sad truth is men are visual creatures that place high value upon a woman's looks. Most men will put up with a woman with an ugly, abrasive, uptight or bland personality if she satisfies a certain standard a physical beauty. For a man to be successful in the dating game, he often needs to be tall, handsome, well dressed, have a well paying secure job, lots of money, a nice house or apartment (no mama's basement), nice expensive car(s) as well as superior charm, charisma and social skills (game) to win her over. Men need to fulfill a certain material standard to get with women. This is the reason why so many rich and successful men have beautiful trophy wives. I have known normal college girls who date mostly professional athletes like NFL and NBA players, famous rappers & entertainers and high paid executives. Why? Because these young women were stunningly beautiful and sexy and it didn't matter that they were broke college girls. But you see, it rarely works the other way around. How many broke, unemployed men who live at home with their parents date hip hop video models? But I don't blame many women for being gold diggers by choosing to be with rich or financially stable men. After all, whenever you get involved sexually with a female there is always the chance that she may become pregnant and you'll be responsible for financially supporting a child, which is astronomically expensive. I know I've made a lot of generalizations, but there is a great amount of truth to what I'm writing about.

1) "Just looking good" is not necessarily easier than making something of your life. At least you have some control over whether you make something of your life. While anyone can improve their looks, if you flat-out lose the genetic lottery, you may never actually be attractive. It's not like ALL women have dating lives that go as easily as these stunningly beautiful women you know who are dating (more likely sleeping with nonexclusively) famous guys. And a lot of women who are very successful have to deal with men who are intimidated by that and want a woman who has proven she's content to stay at home and make babies and cook dinners, or at the very least not show him up career-wise.

2) While it's been thought for years that men want looks and women want status, the more modern social psych research suggests this may not be true. Men report wanting someone who looks good and caring less about career and status, and women report the opposite, but research conducted in speed dating and online dating context shows that when it comes to who they actually choose, men and women care about each thing more or less equally.

Besides, the decent guys I know are turned off by women with no intellect or ambition, just as much as most of the girls I know are turned off by physical unattractiveness.

[KCboy]

Women have it "easier?" Yikes... I don't know any woman who has had it "easier" than men... I agree with the others- please no blanket offensive statements on here!

um...I agree that a lot of statements in that post were generalizations of a certain type of woman, however, I do think that, overall, women have it easier in dating than men. Men are expected to do a lot more in terms of courtship. Evolutionarily speaking, the woman plays defense.

If a woman is shy, no problem, since the man has to make the first move and ask her out. If a guy is shy, he's gonna be sitting by himself while the girl is wondering why he doesn't have the balls to say anything.

If a woman has no money, no problem, since its expected for the man to pay. If a guy is broke, he's sitting at home alone.

Am I saying that 100% every man makes the first move and pays for the date? No. But the expectation is there, and more times than not these are situations men face in dating that women don't.

But I know this issue has been discussed several times, so I digress...