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View Full Version : i don't know what to do....


roulettefanatic
09-01-2009, 09:27 PM
i've recently been working on myself by going to the gym and eating healthier....i've lost about 7 or 8 pounds so far and i feel more confident.....

i discussed my social life and work life with my therapist and we both decided that it may be a good idea for me to focus most of my energy on getting healthier.....in the meantime i definitely need a new job or need to go back to school so that's decided.....but we also talked about possible relationships and the lack thereof in my life.....

going on a few dates at the very least and entering into a relationship at the most are also at the top of my list of priorities....i just turned 25 and i am feeling the need to move into the part of my life where i think about finding "the one" whatever the hell that means.....

so to make a long story short, i joined yet another dating site but actually found some success on this one....it appears as though i have a viable match pending and i'm entering further into the communication stages.....

the problem i have is that whenever i start to feel like i'm getting anywhere near a date, i get scared and back off.....and it makes no sense to fight something that seems so important to me....

i've never been on a real date with the exception of a couple of dinners with a guy friend of mine who had some interest in me but i never felt that way about him so it really didn't feel like dates.....

now that i have a possible situation looming, i want to run away as far as i can....and added to this is the OCD that i have that will surely find a way to make things more interesting, like thoughts that maybe the person isn't really who they say they are, and i might freak out once i'm at the date and things like that.....

i try to calm myself down and tell myself it's something that people do almost everyday and i'm just as deserving of a good time as the next person but i can't seem to get around it.....

there's a part of me that wants to dive in head first since i'm not getting any younger and there's the sheltered part of me that wants to feel safe.....i hate sabotaging everything....

drummer
09-01-2009, 11:03 PM
Obviously this is hard to do, but if a date does happen, try to go into it with as little expectations as possible. Or at least think of it as practice. And who knows, maybe it won't go so well. Maybe nothing will come of it. But that's progress. You're learning. Hopefully it'll get easier each time. I've had pretty bad luck in relationships. But I like to think I learn a little more each time. There is always the risk you'll get your feelings hurt, but it always feels good that you at least tried.

wordsmith
09-02-2009, 12:45 AM
You're pretty young. You don't believe it, but you are.

AsianGeek
09-02-2009, 04:16 AM
First make a goal as to what you want to change. Then make a plan and go after it. Change is never easy but it's the only way to make you happy if you're not happy about where you are now.

AznHisoka
09-06-2009, 11:55 AM
I think the most important thing you need to realize is that improving your relationship success has to do with improving your character, or thoughts, or attitude.. that could mean being yourself and being more comfortable with being you.

This could be accomplished through trial and error, but I find you can do things such as:

- Making friends that have the success you're looking for (hang out with friends who have great relationships)
- Become more and more like the person you envision.

roulettefanatic
09-19-2009, 02:53 PM
hey guys, thanks for the responses....

just a quick update....after some thinking, i decided to email the person that was the subject of my original post....i figured what's the worst that could happen, they already seem interested....

well, the worst did happen, i emailed them and no response.....

i'm not devastated by it but i am discouraged....so now i'm sorting through some other profiles and moving on....

hoodie
09-19-2009, 05:20 PM
I know this is a little off topic but congrats on the weight loss and working out. Seriously, girl, I know it won't solve all your issues, but it can help immensely. Keep at it and don't let the dating thing bring you down. Regular excercise is amazing for your body & mind.