roulettefanatic
09-01-2009, 09:27 PM
i've recently been working on myself by going to the gym and eating healthier....i've lost about 7 or 8 pounds so far and i feel more confident.....
i discussed my social life and work life with my therapist and we both decided that it may be a good idea for me to focus most of my energy on getting healthier.....in the meantime i definitely need a new job or need to go back to school so that's decided.....but we also talked about possible relationships and the lack thereof in my life.....
going on a few dates at the very least and entering into a relationship at the most are also at the top of my list of priorities....i just turned 25 and i am feeling the need to move into the part of my life where i think about finding "the one" whatever the hell that means.....
so to make a long story short, i joined yet another dating site but actually found some success on this one....it appears as though i have a viable match pending and i'm entering further into the communication stages.....
the problem i have is that whenever i start to feel like i'm getting anywhere near a date, i get scared and back off.....and it makes no sense to fight something that seems so important to me....
i've never been on a real date with the exception of a couple of dinners with a guy friend of mine who had some interest in me but i never felt that way about him so it really didn't feel like dates.....
now that i have a possible situation looming, i want to run away as far as i can....and added to this is the OCD that i have that will surely find a way to make things more interesting, like thoughts that maybe the person isn't really who they say they are, and i might freak out once i'm at the date and things like that.....
i try to calm myself down and tell myself it's something that people do almost everyday and i'm just as deserving of a good time as the next person but i can't seem to get around it.....
there's a part of me that wants to dive in head first since i'm not getting any younger and there's the sheltered part of me that wants to feel safe.....i hate sabotaging everything....
i discussed my social life and work life with my therapist and we both decided that it may be a good idea for me to focus most of my energy on getting healthier.....in the meantime i definitely need a new job or need to go back to school so that's decided.....but we also talked about possible relationships and the lack thereof in my life.....
going on a few dates at the very least and entering into a relationship at the most are also at the top of my list of priorities....i just turned 25 and i am feeling the need to move into the part of my life where i think about finding "the one" whatever the hell that means.....
so to make a long story short, i joined yet another dating site but actually found some success on this one....it appears as though i have a viable match pending and i'm entering further into the communication stages.....
the problem i have is that whenever i start to feel like i'm getting anywhere near a date, i get scared and back off.....and it makes no sense to fight something that seems so important to me....
i've never been on a real date with the exception of a couple of dinners with a guy friend of mine who had some interest in me but i never felt that way about him so it really didn't feel like dates.....
now that i have a possible situation looming, i want to run away as far as i can....and added to this is the OCD that i have that will surely find a way to make things more interesting, like thoughts that maybe the person isn't really who they say they are, and i might freak out once i'm at the date and things like that.....
i try to calm myself down and tell myself it's something that people do almost everyday and i'm just as deserving of a good time as the next person but i can't seem to get around it.....
there's a part of me that wants to dive in head first since i'm not getting any younger and there's the sheltered part of me that wants to feel safe.....i hate sabotaging everything....