Would it be weird....

[PosterNutbag]

...if I asked out this girl who is a bartender at a local bar?

The thing is...I do not know her at all other than exchanging some words on occasion while she makes me a drink or gets me a beer. She is really cute. There isn't a lot of opportunity to talk to her or get to know her better b/c she is always serving customers or chatting with others. So, I feel like it would be difficult to get to know her better before asking her out. Also, I always go to this bar by myself and kinda wonder if she thinks that I am some kind of loner/loser guy. Which isnt true at all.

The thing that worries me about approaching her is obviously looking stupid if she already has a BF or is just not interested in me. Also, being that I tend to stop by this bar on a consistent basis for an after work drink or two she is going to be there most of the time. If she were to say no or laugh about it I think that it would kinda be embarrassing/awkward to keep going to this particular bar. Especially knowing that she would most likely tell all of her co-workers who have seen me and prob know who I am.

So I guess what I mean is that if she were to say no or give no answer at all that I would most likely stop going to this bar altogether. I always get these infatuations with girls that I don't even know. I hate it b/c I start thinking about the possibility of someone actually saying yes or giving me their phone number to call her. It would make me feel so much better about myself if one of these girls would actually say yes or give me their number and attempt to go out with me. My self confidence would would drastically improve with this simple happening. And it is much needed/deserved.

But it has happened in the past that a girl will give me her number and then I wait the allotted 2 to 3 days to call her only to not get an answer or in the rare event that the girl answers the phone she will make up some BS story or say something like she doesnt know who I am.

Why are things like this so fucking complex? I have the hardest time asking girls out! I find it so difficult. Just not knowing the best way to go about it. How to approach her and what exactly to say other than are you single or would you want to go out sometime.

All comments welcome!

[wordsmith]

Would it be weird? No (unless, of course, you act weirdly).

A couple of things to remember regarding hitting on/asking out bartenders:

1. They get hit on and asked out ALL. THE. TIME. And often by guys who are DBs.

2. There can be rules, either formal or unspoken, against dating clientele.

3. Bar employee culture can be cliquish and insular, and relationships within that scene can form that you're not necessarily aware of.

[PosterNutbag]

Would it be weird? No (unless, of course, you act weirdly).

What does that mean....act weirdly? I mean why is it that approaching women these words always come up: weird/awkward/creepy always have to come up, ya know. I mean can't a guy just ask the girl out and not have to worry about coming of as WEIRD! Give a guy a break...he is putting himself out there and then it is always he is weird or creepy. Or that it is funny. This is how all relationships begin anyways. You will not be in one unless you ask girls out or for numbers. And are we still in grade school as far as it being funny? I mean come on man!

A couple of things to remember regarding hitting on/asking out bartenders:

1. They get hit on and asked out ALL. THE. TIME. And often by guys who are DBs.

Well, I know that I am not a Douche. And yes i know they get hit on all the time, but she seems to always look at me and smile. Maybe she is just being hospitable but how they hell can you tell what she is smiling about.

2. There can be rules, either formal or unspoken, against dating clientele.

True. But I get the feeling that this bar is not one of those places. It isnt an upscale bar. It is a sports bar kinda place. Also if we were to begin going out together I wouldnt go to that bar unless she didnt mind. I would play it smart.

3. Bar employee culture can be cliquish and insular, and relationships within that scene can form that you're not necessarily aware of.

True again. But if you are referring to the fact that she may be seeing someone that she works with...I highly doubt it. There are hardly any guys working here and the ones that do work in the kitchen as cooks. I just highly doubt it. Plus I think that it would kinda suck to work with someone u are dating. My opinion.

[wordsmith]

Obviously, I don't know anything about the situation...just pointing out common situations servers and bartenders are often in.

Also (and I'm not trying to discourage you, although it may sound like it), the whole, "the bartender is really nice to me" thing can be misleading. People who work for tips learn very early on that a pleasant, friendly, flirtatious attitude really benefits them...they make more and it's good business practice. Not to say that the girl may not also be totally sincere. But being a pleasant barmaid is just good business practice.

"Acting weirdly" is making people uncomfortable. I would imagine you're not doing it.

[PosterNutbag]

Obviously, I don't know anything about the situation...just pointing out common situations servers and bartenders are often in.

Yes, I understand that you don't know anything about the situation and you are right on about the situations that can be going on behind the scene in bars/restaurants.

Also (and I'm not trying to discourage you, although it may sound like it), the whole, "the bartender is really nice to me" thing can be misleading. People who work for tips learn very early on that a pleasant, friendly, flirtatious attitude really benefits them...they make more and it's good business practice. Not to say that the girl may not also be totally sincere. But being a pleasant barmaid is just good business practice.

You are right. I understand the bar/restaurant business. That is why I feel like bartending is a perfect job for attractive females. Flirt a little and earn high dollar. Makes perfect sense. It does pay to be pleasant/friendly and have a flirtatious way about you that is highly effective in getting better tips.

"Acting weirdly" is making people uncomfortable. I would imagine you're not doing it.

You are right. I am not doing this. I really don't even try to make much conversation at bars just b/c the simple fact of it being seen as weird or make it uncomfortable for someone. Although I feel like if you are at a bar that one of the draws is that you are around people and potentially wouldnt mind chatting with a stanger. That is one reason I go to bars on occasion especially if I am alone and bored at home.

Acting weird to me would be being intrusive into people's conversations and maybe hitting on every woman you see with a pair of legs. Now that is creepy, but I am just trying to get one person's attention.

But the more I think about it...I probably will not try to pursue this chick. I would rather be able to come into the bar on occasion to be out among other females that are not bartenders. So, I will just ignore my infatuation.

[winneythepooh7]

I dated a bartender for a hot minute, if you could even call it that. I met him when I hung out in his bar and he chatted me up. He basically began telling me not too long after, that it wasn't cool for me to come in and hang out there all the time anymore because it was not good for his "business". I also observed him being the same way he was with me, with other ladies as well. ;). As I lived in that neighborhood longer, and made friends with others who went to this place, they said he had a reputation. Again, not trying to be a Negative Nellie, but just wanted to share my experience. I also agree 100% with what Wordsmith has already written.

[wordsmith]

Yep, I went out a few times with a bouncer. Nothing serious, but it did make socializing in the place where he worked occasionally awkward thereafter.

[ebrillblaiddes]

Looks like people have already sorted this out but I'll throw in my $0.02...

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking...I mean, as long as you don't throw in any stalkerly behavior, she should at least take it as a compliment. But OTOH I wouldn't suggest holding your breath for it to work, since she probably gets hit on by customers all the time and likely has a "just not going there" rule by now, if she's been in the business long.