Blaming me for what you haven't accomplished...

[bamagal2384]

Why do people feel the need to blame others for what they haven't accomplished?

You see, this girl has always talked about moving out of the South and to a bigger, "classier" city. She has talked about it for years and still hasn't gone. Every year it was, "I'm going to transfer up to Boston University." Never happened. In fact, she remains in the same college town working on her 2nd bachelor's. Last year she asked me if I wanted to move to Chicago with her and her roommate at the time. I told her I would love to but that there is no way I could go without a job or a lot of money saved up.

Well needless to say we never went. I am currently in grad school down here and mentioned wanting to transfer to a school in Atlanta for a change of scenery. She got excited and said she would go if I would. Then she said, "Is this going to be one of those times where I don't get to go because you changed your mind?" I informed her that she is a grown woman and if she wants to go then she can go. She said she couldn't because she can't afford to live by herself (not my problem).

Well today she texted me again and I told her that I found out my credits aren't going to transfer. Grad credits are apparently very hard to transfer. She now won't respond to any more texts. I mean seriously, it is not my fault she hasn't moved!!!!

By the way, I never promised to live with her or sign a lease anywhere. Considering she is on her 3rd or 4th academic program, I would say she is a tad more indecisive than I supposedly am. I know we need to just have it out but she won't talk to me so I'm venting on here.

Anyone else have any similar experiences?

[gemma-dahl]

Absolutely. My ex had a drinking problem, and would blame others, including me, for his shortcomings - but never himself. He was also fond of projecting, e.g. "Oh, since you didn't get what you wanted, I'm sure you are going to go around saying it was because of me."

People like that are lame.

[winneythepooh7]

Yup. I live with someone who can be like this.:rolleyes: Drives me nuts. ETA: My person has more of the "compare game" going on though. Constantly with his friends. One in particular who is a huge loser, but that's another thread.

[bamagal2384]

Thanks for the quick responses! I'm glad to see I'm not the only one. Love this forum! Haven't been on in awhile. :)

[KCboy]

My gf goes on rants about how she's "all alone in the world" and "doesn't feel like she has a bf", just because I won't give her hundreds of dollars to pay her rent or bills, since she works at a minimum wage job with few hours.

Rich guys have it so much easier when it comes to relationships.



Just today, an synopsis of the end of our email exchange:
Her: I'm in so much dept! Do you have $700 I can borrow for rent?
Me: I've got $36 until my next paycheck, I'm living on credit cards.
Her: Just leave me alone for a while. I'm on my own I guess.

[winneythepooh7]

I always find it interesting that it's people who tend to make these statements that are not doing anything to positively change their situation. I know there are often deeper issues going on that can prevent one from taking the steps to reach their goals, but if you are constantly bitching and moaning about your life, and doing little to find the positive, let alone even just trying to make positive change-----it's no wonder you remain in that place.

It can be just as draining on the person having to hear this all the time from the person going through it.

[bamagal2384]

Exactly!!! They always do a lot of talking and never any action. They just can't take responsibility for themselves and do something about it. I know in some cases it was the way they were raised. This girl's parents never take responsibility for anything and raised her to think that nothing was ever hear fault. I mean I understand that sometimes we aren't in control of the situation, but most of the time if you're unhappy you can change SOMETHING, even if it's just one little improvement.

[Bsig84]

My gf goes on rants about how she's "all alone in the world" and "doesn't feel like she has a bf", just because I won't give her hundreds of dollars to pay her rent or bills, since she works at a minimum wage job with few hours.

Rich guys have it so much easier when it comes to relationships.



Just today, an synopsis of the end of our email exchange:
Her: I'm in so much dept! Do you have $700 I can borrow for rent?
Me: I've got $36 until my next paycheck, I'm living on credit cards.
Her: Just leave me alone for a while. I'm on my own I guess.

Whoa. That is not cool.

[bamagal2384]

My gf goes on rants about how she's "all alone in the world" and "doesn't feel like she has a bf", just because I won't give her hundreds of dollars to pay her rent or bills, since she works at a minimum wage job with few hours.

Rich guys have it so much easier when it comes to relationships.



Just today, an synopsis of the end of our email exchange:
Her: I'm in so much dept! Do you have $700 I can borrow for rent?
Me: I've got $36 until my next paycheck, I'm living on credit cards.
Her: Just leave me alone for a while. I'm on my own I guess.


Dude, how long have you been together? Does that happen often?

[oldmanwinter]

Rich guys have it so much easier when it comes to relationships.
If you were rich, you would have the exact same problems. Only you would be $700 poorer each month. :)

[AsianGeek]

if you were rich she'd probably ask you for more money :p

the magic number seems to be 700, it's even worse when it seems like they have no intention of paying you back.

[astronaut83]

I've had a similar experience with my sister. While I was engaged, she broke up with her only serious bf (she didn't tell anyone until months later). She's had other bfs before, but this one was her first long term relationship. A month before my wedding, she revealed to me that she was seeing a therapist because I made life harder for her. All I did was finish college, moved out and started living my life. Before, I was always at home studying while she was partying with friends. Just because I finally decided to live my life, I made hers miserable. :rolleyes:

She still gives me slight comments about this (especially in front of my husband).

Sorry for the rant, but I can relate.

[astronaut83]

If you were rich, you would have the exact same problems. Only you would be $700 poorer each month. :)

More like $700k :p

Seriously, That is not right.

[Tayl405]

KC Boy, you really do find girls who want you to spend tons of $$$!! I don't know any girls like that.

[wordsmith]

Some people have it bred into them to pass the buck. I blame parenting/the environment in which they were raised, and things they were taught/not taught with fostering such a sense of nonresponsibility when it comes to setting and accomplishing goals. Some people are taught that they are always victims, and it's a self-fulfilling prophecy...if you always see yourself as the helpless person whose misfortune is caused by others, you're not going to take any proactive steps in your own direction and destiny...AND you're constantly going to go around making excuses that implicate others, rather than looking to your own choices and actions/inaction.

[KCboy]

KC Boy, you really do find girls who want you to spend tons of $$$!! I don't know any girls like that.

I, unfortunately, live in poor neighborhood of a rich area (I've heard since I was a kid that this county is 3rd richest behind Orange County and somepleace in Connecticut, but I can't confirm).

Lots of trust-fund frat boys and gold-digging sorority girls. It really warps the mind.

[ebrillblaiddes]

Just today, an synopsis of the end of our email exchange:
Her: I'm in so much dept! Do you have $700 I can borrow for rent?
Me: I've got $36 until my next paycheck, I'm living on credit cards.
Her: Just leave me alone for a while. I'm on my own I guess. Holy crap...she doesn't need a guy, she needs an ATM...I mean, BF and I have both done the "can you put this on your debit card and I'll give you cash when I get paid" thing for amounts like $20-$30...but $700...sheesh, why would she think that's your job?

[ebruening]

Holy crap...she doesn't need a guy, she needs an ATM...I mean, BF and I have both done the "can you put this on your debit card and I'll give you cash when I get paid" thing for amounts like $20-$30...but $700...sheesh, why would she think that's your job?

I've known people who have had SO's "borrow" hundreds - sometimes thousands - of dollars for supposed "emergencies." They never get the full amount back, and what they have had returned, the borrower has acted like they should be grateful to get anything back at all :rolleyes:

[elebelle]

I've known people who have had SO's "borrow" hundreds - sometimes thousands - of dollars for supposed "emergencies." They never get the full amount back, and what they have had returned, the borrower has acted like they should be grateful to get anything back at all :rolleyes:

I've always been told that when lending to family/friends, only lend the amount that you'd be willing to give away - because asking for it back can be a very awkward situation.

I would never, ever ask a guy to pay my rent or bills, or even complain to him if I can't pay mine. I have a friend who's been free-loading off her bf for a few years. He has a regular, decent job - she's graduated with two degrees, quit her part-time job, and was working a temp job. Now, he's the one pretty much footing all the bills and even though he'd like to, he feels like he can't break up with her because it would be two big hits...losing him, and her standard of living.

[DaneCA]

My gf goes on rants about how she's "all alone in the world" and "doesn't feel like she has a bf", just because I won't give her hundreds of dollars to pay her rent or bills, since she works at a minimum wage job with few hours.

Rich guys have it so much easier when it comes to relationships.



Just today, an synopsis of the end of our email exchange:
Her: I'm in so much dept! Do you have $700 I can borrow for rent?
Me: I've got $36 until my next paycheck, I'm living on credit cards.
Her: Just leave me alone for a while. I'm on my own I guess.

My best friend's ex-boyfriend sound like your girl, KCboy. He was totally dependent on her and always playing the victim and justified how needy he was because "he didn't grow up rich like her." She did everything for him until she finally realized she was his girlfriend AND his mother and got out of the relationship. They've been broken up for a couple of months now and he still owes her about $1,000. She's accepted that she won't get that money back. He continues to ask her for favors, such as walking his dogs or paying the cable bill, and because she's a kind person, she has a really hard time saying no, even though she knows she should.

As I mentioned somewhere else, I've recently started seeing my college boyfriend again after a few years apart. I admire him SO much because he truly did have a tough childhood - drug addicted, M.I.A. father who has been in and out of jail, mother who was much too young and selfish to have children, alcoholic step-father, etc. He also happens to live in a really upscale area, so his friends came from backgrounds that were entirely different from his and didn't always get what he was going through. Instead of feeling sorry for himself, my guy learned to be really independent in order to achieve success and he is one of the greatest, strongest people I know.

[roulettefanatic]

I've always been told that when lending to family/friends, only lend the amount that you'd be willing to give away - because asking for it back can be a very awkward situation.

I would never, ever ask a guy to pay my rent or bills, or even complain to him if I can't pay mine. I have a friend who's been free-loading off her bf for a few years. He has a regular, decent job - she's graduated with two degrees, quit her part-time job, and was working a temp job. Now, he's the one pretty much footing all the bills and even though he'd like to, he feels like he can't break up with her because it would be two big hits...losing him, and her standard of living.

that's definitely good advice because most people will certainly be in no rush to pay you back....a friend or a SO is somewhat easier to handle because you might break up or not see them again but with family that gets tricky because you have to see them on special occasions and holidays, unless there is a huge fight going on, you can't really divorce your relatives.....i guess you have to take the high road in those situations to keep the peace....

anyway, i think any kind of mooching in a relationship is pretty much unacceptable unless one person is undertaking a huge academic task like going to medical school (my cousin is in this position right now), building up a business that will take time or raising children and taking care of the house (both genders included in that nowadays).....other than that, it's not fair for anyone to foot most of the bills if not all of them, unless there was a prior agreement and the couple figured out that that's really the way they want to live....if that's the case, i have no right to judge but i personally would not want to be in that situation.....