caligirl
10-11-2009, 01:31 PM
Hi All,
I've recently discovered this forum and have been lurking for a few weeks, so I've gotten lots of indirect advice, but this is my first post. Sorry, it may get a little long.
I'm 25 and I've been a relationship (my only) for 10 years, living together for the last 4. We were high school sweethearts, have lots of things in common, have always done everything together. Until recently, I thought I was comletely satisfied, not just satisfied, but happy.
This summer, my boyfriend had a position which required him to go out of town a lot. This is the first time we have really spent time apart since living together. When he first told me about this job I was irritated and the first couple trips he took I felt sad and lonely. But as the months wore on, I just started to relax and be more active. I hung out with friends more, and was also more comfortable and productive in my alone time. When he was home, I started to feel crowded and would make lots of plans to keep busy and out of the house.
I've started to wonder what my life would be like if we broke up. It's difficult to imagine because we've been together for so long and our lives are so entwined. But whereas before the idea would've saddened and terrified me, now it sounds exciting.
I've spoken with him about this a little and he was shocked and saddened by my feelings. He said he would do anything needed to work on the relationship. Nothing is wrong, per se, I am just feeling like I've never been on my own, and maybe that is something I would like.
I don't really think this is just a rut, it feels very different from anything else I have experienced. Is this something that I can get over? If we stay together, will I ever be able to put these feelings and thoughts out of my mind?
If you made it this far, thanks, and any advice is welcome. Especially if you have been in a similar situation.
I've recently discovered this forum and have been lurking for a few weeks, so I've gotten lots of indirect advice, but this is my first post. Sorry, it may get a little long.
I'm 25 and I've been a relationship (my only) for 10 years, living together for the last 4. We were high school sweethearts, have lots of things in common, have always done everything together. Until recently, I thought I was comletely satisfied, not just satisfied, but happy.
This summer, my boyfriend had a position which required him to go out of town a lot. This is the first time we have really spent time apart since living together. When he first told me about this job I was irritated and the first couple trips he took I felt sad and lonely. But as the months wore on, I just started to relax and be more active. I hung out with friends more, and was also more comfortable and productive in my alone time. When he was home, I started to feel crowded and would make lots of plans to keep busy and out of the house.
I've started to wonder what my life would be like if we broke up. It's difficult to imagine because we've been together for so long and our lives are so entwined. But whereas before the idea would've saddened and terrified me, now it sounds exciting.
I've spoken with him about this a little and he was shocked and saddened by my feelings. He said he would do anything needed to work on the relationship. Nothing is wrong, per se, I am just feeling like I've never been on my own, and maybe that is something I would like.
I don't really think this is just a rut, it feels very different from anything else I have experienced. Is this something that I can get over? If we stay together, will I ever be able to put these feelings and thoughts out of my mind?
If you made it this far, thanks, and any advice is welcome. Especially if you have been in a similar situation.