Relationships

[Danni]

Cultivating relationships has been the hardest thing about being a "grown up."

I've been out of college for 4 years and the whole QLC thing didn't hit me until about 2 weeks ago when I found out that yet another one of my friends is getting married next month.

I suddenly felt very alone. My 2 best friends from high school have been married for years and one of them just had a baby. I feel like everyone else has hailed a cab to adulthood and I'm still waiting for a ride. I can't even walk into a Pottery Barn anymore because I'm sick of seeing all those cute couples walking around tagging things for their gift registry.

And the fact that at least 2 women in my office get engaged every spring is not helping me feel any better. If I have to smile through one more discussion about banquet halls, center pieces or be blinded by one more engagement ring, I'll scream!


I'm only 25 yet I feel like I won't be a full-fleged adult until I get married. I guess it's just a matter of everyone-else-has-a- husband-so-I-want-one-too kind of thing.

My boyfriend-less periods never used to really bother me before, but now it's like this huge dark cloud lurking over my head. If anyone has ideas on how I can get out of this funk, I'm very open to suggestions!

[crazy-girl]

Girl! I totally am there with you on the marriage thing. I feel like a horrible person too because any time anyone tells me they are engaged I start thinking "That's not fair, she's 2 years younger than me" or "she's only been with her boyfriend for a year!" It's horrible. I'm so jealous and angry about it.

I don't know what it is. I'm from middle class america and I think I've been programmed to think that marriage is the ultimate goal. Plus, my career is in the toilet so deep that I don't even know where to buy the plunger that would save it. So I guess since I have no career and no friends---I'm turning into bridezilla.

[Antonina]

What I have got is more just a comment than advice for you (sorry)...

Isn't it amazing how differently people from different countries view things. I feel sorry for those of you who have been pressured to view marriage as the ultimate goal, especially at such a young age. I do not think that way at all; I think there are two reasons for that: 1) I have had two amazing role models in my life (two amazing aunties) who remained unmarried, were true career women and well-travelled 'women of the world', especially for people of their generation, and 2) I don't live in America, so we don't have that pressure to get married ASAP as the previous posts have indicated. Premature settling down (especially before you have already lived life in other respects, such as by having lots of adventures, travelling, building a career that you love and are good at etc) is often viewed as being boring by my circle of friends (maybe we are wrong, but at the moment, that is the general consensus). All I can say is that I am lucky, because life has enough pressures without having to stress about things you have no control over (like when you get to meet your 'soulmate' etc)!!

[Amy]

If I wern't so depressed, I'd laugh.
I know EXACTALLY how you feel. I'ts like my life's goal. I wonder if this is some kind of biological kind of thing. Like our bodies are telling us to mate NOW!!! b/c we're only gonna live another 10 years, when in fact humans now live unnaturally long. There's gotta be a reason so many of us are in crisis.

[Antonina]

weirdbrake, I have been through your situation. I was a bit of a nerd in school, got into a nerdy tertiary course (law too initially), was completely devoid of boy interactions throughout high school and was subsequently completely inept with boys and the whole relationship thing. I think what you are going through right now is not strictly a qlc but just a relationship craving. Sounds pretty normal to me. I went through similar times where I had no idea about dating, flirting and went through phases where I couldn't work out why I was a relationship "cripple", just because I wasn't hooked up like some others. Well I have now "caught up" (recently found a nice boy, after a few false starts). I consider people like you and I "late bloomers"....
There is nothing wrong with bad dates- just keep going until they get better! good luck

[Unregistered]

I just wanted to tell you from someone who had many relationships in highschool and a few in college- you didn't miss out on much. Highschool relationships are so hollow and sometimes I feel like all they do is make you more jaded. You are lucky that you are entering the dating world with a sincere desire to be there, and an open heart without many bruises. You probably don't have a lot fo baggage either. All you need to do is focus on what makes you happy and a girl will come to you. Don't try and meet girls at bars, or feel like there is some type of dating "code" that everyone knows but you. I am a female who seeks out men who don't have much experience. I mean, I don't look really hard for those type of men, but I am always attracted to them. We exist. We dream that you exist. Don't worry.

And it's pretty obvious from the outside that you are just burned out from school and slightly depressed. You haven't turned into a slacker. Law school sucks a lot of the time, it isn't a secret that people get fed up at one point or another.

I dunno, hope this helps.

[Unregistered]

Just wanted to add my 2 cents in here... I'm kinda w/ the person who seeks out men w/ less experience. Not to "break him in" but b/c there is something sweet about a guy who would really enjoy a relationship and savor everything that there is about it if it's fairly new to him. I'm actually put off by men who have had many sexual partners or too many girlfriends -- even a handful seems to be too many at times! I don't think you should feel cheated or bitter about not having had romantic experiences in high school. Honestly, I think any relationship you have now would be 10 times better than some stupid high school crap where people don't know who they are, where they're going, etc. So now that you're ready for it, I'm sure it will be all that much better when it comes to you.

Oh, and also...all those pretty girls walking w/ the jock types... they may just not be treating those girls very well and they're getting what they stick around for. Just b/c a guy LOOKS like the type that every girl will fall for doesn't mean that every girl wants him. I'd rather have a guy who was average/decent looking but treated me great than have a guy who was a pretty jock but was more interested in himself or sports. (not saying that all guys who are buff jock types do this...I know there are guys out there who are jocks and decent human beings.) And on the same spin...maybe the pretty girl is a liiiittle too high maintenance and you'd be better off with a girl w/ more substance. ;)

[Phoenix]

Thank goodness someone else thinks the LSAT sucks! :) I don't score well on standardized tests but I know how to use my brain. And the LSAT is an overrated test to determine getting into law school. But then again, so are the SATs (...and did I ever use Geometry in college? Hell no!!)

[Antonina]

I agree with you weirdbrake about feeling better after ranting and raving!! I did that just last night- had a massive session (rant, rave, waterworks, everything) to the detriment of my poor friend- and am now feeling absolutely fantastic today, despite not getting enough sleep (again). Sometimes a rant and rave is all we need...:D