Dating & Relationships Ramble

[Trvlr]

So over the last few weeks I have had an interesting situation with an ex and posted about it on the message board. While I sat around and wrote my posts I got to thinking and realized something startling. The last 4 or 5 girls I have dated have been pretty seriously mentally whacked in one way or the other. I know for a fact that not all women are crazy. I have several female friends, who are completely normal, my friends date women that are just fine. For some inexplicable reason I am on a streak where girls I end up dating turn out to be mentally defected when it comes to relationships. I am convinced that it has to be me, how can I end this streak here and now? I have always been cognizant of warning signs, like multiple calls in the same day, after just one or two dates, and other red flags, but they never are there in the beginning but seem to always show up down the rode, either 2 months or 10 months.

I don’t continually date a specific type, or only meet women through one specific channel. I would best describe my dating pattern as random. I try to take thinks at a moderate pace, I don’t like just jumping into a relationship right away, I make sure that there’s something there before going forward, I am at a complete loss. Is there a tell tale sign to watch out for that may not seem like anything but connotes a problem? Or worse is it me? Have I changed over the last few years to where my actions can actually drive someone I am seeing into severely irrational behavior when it comes to our relationship? I think I am a nice guy, I am definitely not the easiest person in the world to get along with, but I am fully capable of being and am often very thoughtful, I don’t have a problem meeting women, so I assume that I must be at least slight above average when it comes to looks, I am in good shape, intelligent, well liked, somewhat successful. The only thing that I have come up with is that I am a fairly independent person, and I am not often overcome with emotion. It seems like women I have dated recently have had problems coming to grips with that. Am I flawed, do I need to be actively seeking my life partner at 26? If I date someone for 6 months, does that mean that we are on our way to getting engaged? Is this how the world works, and I just live in a different atmosphere than everyone else?

If I like a girl, but don’t see myself marrying her, do I need to immediately end the relationship? Can’t we just go out an have fun until someone specifically brings up the topic of marriage? And how do you know if you are ready to get married? I don’t really want to get divorced, so I would rather wait to get married and make sure it’s right than just jump into it to ensure that I wont lose someone that I care about?

Does my reluctance to commit to marriage put a mental burden on women I date? After we had been together for 4 or 5 months my last girlfriend made a comment one day about us never breaking up. I just kept my mouth shut, I mean after 4 or 5 months how can you know without a doubt that this is it? She got really mad at me because I wouldn’t agree. I know it’s not the most romantic thing to hear, but I didn’t want to lie to her and tell her that we would be together forever? Does something like that ruin a relationship? Is it appropriate to just lie, and then whatever happens happens?

Well that’s my ramble for the day

[stonemonkey]

I guess you just drive women crazy!

I know what you mean though, about being brutally honest and realistic abt things. That's not necessarily what ppl want to hear. But what can you do? Be dishonest about it?

[dliepmanSUX]

it sounds like your independence will likely prevent you from being forced into anything you are not ready for...i think when you meet he right one it will be obvious that you'll never get bored with her...you'll be the one blurting out the illogical nonsense about soulmates and being together forever, etc.

...and hopefully, for your sake, her smiles and nods will be indicative of her full agreement rather than her attempt to hide the fact that she is dissociated from your overly-romaticized fantasy land mumbo jumbo, or even worse, that SHE has grown bored with YOU...:cry:

[Lynn0623]

I used to always wonder "how will I know if he is the one?" I would date these guys and although they were good guys and we had fun times...there was always something missing. My last boyfriend used to make comments "oh when we get married and you give up your career and move here...." (that was one of the main reason I ended things.) However, when I met my current BF...about 2 weeks into the relationship I just knew he was the one for me.

If I like a girl, but don’t see myself marrying her, do I need to immediately end the relationship? Can’t we just go out an have fun until someone specifically brings up the topic of marriage?

See this bothers me. I think that if you don't feel anything for them then you should tell them upfront that you aren't interested in marriage. Because honestly you are leading these women on who might really like you. Not a cool thing to do.

[pisces2473]

I agree with Lynn. Everyone person anyone dates really is a potential spouse. If you don't feel it, move on. You'll save everyone involved a lot of trouble.