my qlc

[girl853]

I just stumbled upon this website last night and am so glad I did. I was beginning to think I was going crazy. I was feeling so depressed. After much thought I have come to realize that I am letting my hatred for my job control my entire mental state. I don't have any friends (although I am married, you really need friends other than your spouse) to vent with, so this hopeless frustration with my job has been all consuming! I realize that my situation could be much worse (I am at least well-paid), but realizing that you will spend the rest of your working life doing things you hate is really depressing when you're in your 20s & the rest of your working life is a long time. I know I should be more optomistic, but I still don't believe that I will ever be happy in the work aspect of my life. I just need to start improving the other aspects so that I achieve a balance. The problem, of course, is making friends. I have made attempts (taken a couple of classes, tried to join a couple of groups, etc.), but since I am not very outgoing people really don't really "take" to me. I even tried to socialize with a group of girls at work & they invited me for a couple of "girls nights out", but someone new who is "cooler" than me was hired & instantly became their friend, pushing me out of the group. Anyway, I am not going to give up-- wish me luck!!

[Antonina]

hello! Sounds like you've sorted out your worries already! That's great. Just wanted to say g'luck with the buddy-hunting, surely there's gotta be nicer people than the ones at your work if they are that shallow (to "forget" you once a "new trendy person" arrives on the scene)! What kind of people are they anyway to do that?!! Keep us updated, won't you.

[crazy-girl]

girl853,

Isn't it impossible to make friends after college! It sounded like I wrote that very message that you posted. I worked at a job I HATED and left. Now I just dislike my current job (it was an escape and not a career choice) but I know that it's easier said than done to get a new job in this economic climate.

The one thing that struck me was that you said money isn't an issue. Well, money is a HUGE issue for me. I make very little money and it's hard for me to afford to go out and join things because of my bank account. Have you thought about joining a professional organization? I joined a networking group in my city and it's helped give me some activities to go to and it's all women so I'm slowly meeting people. Some of those groups are pretty pricey but maybe you can afford them.

My other idea is a class of some sort. If I had money I'd take a jewelry making class I've been interested in at the community college. Don't have the money though. Not that you'd necessarily meet a lifelong friend there but having a structured reason to leave your apartment helps brighten your day. Sometimes.

Lastly, have you considered career counseling? If you can afford it, it really might help you find something that you think you could enjoy doing. I thought of it and couldn't go that path because of money.

Those are just some ideas that helped me. I really still have a long way to go in the friend department. It's harder to find a good girl friend than it was to find a boyfriend.

[girl853]

Thanks for the replies. I have to admit I was considering therapy before I found this website, and now I am feeling better to know that I am not the only one.

Meeting people after college is really hard and I have tried (probably not as hard as I could have). I actually have taken 2 classes (one fun class) & my first class towards my master's degree (hoping to be qualified for a different job that pays more- although I haven't deluded myself into thinking I will like it any better than what I am doing now). Maybe I will make friends eventually through the master's program, but it is a program for working professionals and not really a social atmosphere. From the first class I can tell that most of the people aren't looking to make friends, so I will have to be more "aggressive" (which I am terrible at). I would like to join an organization, but with the school thing, I don't want to spread myself too thin.

As for your comment about money. I think what is so depressing is that I realize how important money is and that not that many enjoyable jobs exist that pay well. I have developed a lifestyle that will require me to continue in these depressingly boring jobs until the day I retire.

I realize that I sound like I am griping about problems that seem trivial, but I can't help that these things makes me very depressed.

Anyway, thank you again it's so nice to have someone to talk to.

[crazy-girl]

I understand about the social aspect of the classes. I had a friend in another city say "take yoga or something" so I joined a yoga class to meet people. No one is in the mood to talk. Ever. I've tried feeble attempts after class like "I like your mat bag" but those just don't work.

It's hard and the job thing is very important. Not that I've ever made a lot of money since graduation but when I was at my paycheck peak ---it was very hard to leave even though I was MISERABLE because every other job was at least a 1,000 pay cut. Not that that's a lot but when you're already struggling---it's hard to imagine.

Just know that you aren't the only one going through all this worry and stress. I was pretty depressed until I realized that there are lots of people that have trouble making friendships after college.

If you ever want to e-mail---feel free to drop me a line through QLC.