blind date...

[dliepmanSUX]

so I had a quasi-blind date last night...I never thought it was possible to be late to a dinner party that you yourself were hosting...I guess that's what happens when everyone shows up early...

so ladies, here is my question, can you over-impress someone (don't confuse with 'try too hard'...such implies that such an effort is unnnatural whereas the effort invested was rather natural for the sort of engagements I choose to participate in)...I mean, I had NEVER met this person (she had seen a picture of me and took interest through a mutual friend), but I figured if I am going to participate, I am going to participate as who I truly am...I don't like to follow these stupid rules of dating where you have to mask who you are until people THINK that they know each other well enough to be themselves...I am super outgoing, yet I thrive on responsibility and productivity...I would rather be the DJ than dancing (although ever since I learned HOW to dance, that is, ever since I learned that dancing DOES involve movement of the hips...wink wink...such is more of a toss-up)...or in this case I would rather be cooking than eating...so I made a rather extravagant meal (that IS my forte) featuring special made to order specialties...followed by a lavish dessert (see attached picture)...but the whole time I was feeling pressured by the mutual friend (there with his SO who lives with aforementioned female) to 'make an impression' in addition to the constant reminders as to who it was I was truly 'trying to impress'...

honestly, I could care less about an SO type of relationship right now since I feel like I am finally making progress in my entrpreneurial ventures (reference 'Newbies' thread for details)...and more importantly, finally regaining a bit of the self-confidence, courage, strength, fortitude, will, etc. that was lost in my most recent SO transition...

to me, last night was about good food with good friends...but it sort of got marred by people pressuring me to be someone I am not...I have found that if people are going to take to me and my particular personality, that such happens rather instantaneously as I don't mask/hide who I am...who I am on the first day is the same person I am on the last day...I expose my vulnerabilities willingly and frequently as I have little interest in investing myself in relationships with people who cannot repsect such vulnerabilities and treat me with the appropriate compassion and kindness that such vulnerabilities require...additionally, I would rather others feel as though they have complete awareness of who I am and who I have the capacity to be FOR THEM in a relationship...whether it be friendly, more than friendly, etc.

so look at the dessert, keeping in mind that everything was homemade including the white chocolate drizzled milk chocolate mousse bowl, and extrapolate from that the remainder of my personality (sweet like the strawberry, mysteriously dark like the chocolate, well rounded like the bowl, corny like the cob, etc.) and tell me what there's not to like...and stop drolling...the keyboard is getting slippery!!!:p

http://www.imageshack.us/my.php?loc=img2&image=dessert1.jpg

[shimmer728]

Originally posted by dliepmanSUX


to me, last night was about good food with good friends...but it sort of got marred by people pressuring me to be someone I am not...I have found that if people are going to take to me and my particular personality, that such happens rather instantaneously as I don't mask/hide who I am...who I am on the first day is the same person I am on the last day...I expose my vulnerabilities willingly and frequently as I have little interest in investing myself in relationships with people who cannot repsect such vulnerabilities and treat me with the appropriate compassion and kindness that such vulnerabilities require...additionally, I would rather others feel as though they have complete awareness of who I am and who I have the capacity to be FOR THEM in a relationship...whether it be friendly, more than friendly, etc.



I admire your attitude, but one thing you have to take with a grain of salt is that there ARE going to be people who are going to want to change you and who aren't going to accept you the way you are. It sucks, but try not to surround yourself with those kind of people. :D

[kitalyn414]

just curious as to how your friends were pressuring you to change? were they just encouraging you to talk more exclusively w/ the blind date or were they calling for a complete personality overhaul?

[dliepmanSUX]

kit-

my friend (the introducer) kept trying to flush me out of the kitchen in an effort to create more face time with the blind date even though I was making my best effort to finish all the dinner preparations...I think that they had lowered expectations regarding the food portion of the evening and more expectations regarding the interpersonal portion...but I go big or I go home...they would have been satisfied with some hamburger helper type BS when I wanted to get some feedback from them on some of my more daring creations like my Portobella Mushroom Chicken Marsala (dairy-free creamy portobella mushroom marsala sauce tossed with cavatappi pasta and pan sauteed chicken breast) and my Beef Tenderloin Pad Sieu (thai basil, garlic, green onions, tender broccolli, and marinated beef tenderloin atop a bed of thai rice noodles buried under a pile of asian bean sprouts and finished with lime wedges...served with sticky rice)...I felt sort of like a debutante (regarding my culinary prowess) because I was sharing something I have a passion for with new people who have never experienced that with me...

but I kept being pushed to socialize with the female (who along with the other two ppl was a guest of honor here as the blind datee) who really made little effort to socialize with me...she could have come into the kitchen while I was cooking to strike up a conversation...in fact, she was the one who initiated the interest in meeting by taking a liking to a picture of me she had seen through our mutual friend...I don't like it when people try and 'market' me...I am not a consumable...my dad does that sometimes...and as much as I appreciate his praise for my skills and I know that he says it all out of pride, I feel as though he is preaching to the chorus because in most scenarios the people he is talking to could care less about my art, or my cooking, or my athleticism, or my adventures...same with the situation last night...my buddy tried to 'sell' me by building me up based on my interests, skills, attributes, etc...and although such may be true, I maintain them for reasons other than trying to impress people.

[paperjam1015]

wow... for some reason I can't imagine you not being talkative.

She shoulda got her butt up and come in the kitchen. I always try to help out.

[coll214]

I agree w/ paperjam, especially since SHE was the one who initially showed an interest. And i'm such a dunce in the kitchen, i would've gone in just out of curiousity's sake...

[kitalyn414]

if i were her, i would have gone into the kitchen to help... maybe she felt like you had everything under control. or maybe you gave off the vibe of not wanting anyone to interfere w/ your culinary master plan.

anyway, i can understand your friends' feelings. they brought this girl over to meet you, and then you were absent in the kitchen for most of the evening. i am sure they appreciated the great food, but personally i place great company at a higher value. also... who cares if it was her idea to initiate the meeting??? she made the first effort & probably expected a little reciprocation.

now... it sounds that you made a completely impressive effort in the kitchen. nobody doubts that. BUT... there is more to good hosting than amazing food.

[gluegun]

I have to agree with the others. It was odd that she didn't make an effort to hang out with you while you cooked. Maybe you were giving off some sort of vibe that made her feel like you didn't want her in the kitchen with you.

[paperjam1015]

I guess some people are feel out of the water in the kitchen. She might have been intimidated by your skills.

Or felt that if the friends ewere in the living room, she should be too. Who knows, give her another change. And order pizza next time. Or better yet go out to eat.

[TranquilSkye]

well sure you can over impress someone. i've been over impressed by guys because they seemed so much better than me at everything. better job, education, cook, athlete, friend, uncle, gardener, etc. if a guy seems like he can do anything and everything extremely well that's overwhelming. it's like he doesn't need anyone else in his life because he's already complete. everyone has flaws and anyone who appears to not have any seems unreal to me. of course you should never change who you are. not being yourself is so much worse than appearing to be perfect in every way.

[dliepmanSUX]

i got the image link to work properly for anyone who missed out on dessert...;)

[wordsmith]

I'm sorry, but am I the only one who thinks it's got to be really awkward to be in the position of combining being set up in a blind date AND hosting an extravagant dinner party?

There's no WAY I could do both. When I'm the hostess, I'm thoroughly fixated on my hostessing duties, to the point where I never feel like I get to talk to people as much as I wanted to. I cringe to think of the first impression I'd make on someone if I were meeting them for the first time at an event I was hosting. AND if they were expecting something datelike. Each of those things is something that needs its own concentration.

If your friend really wanted to set you up with somebody, SHE should have hosted a get-together and invited you both. Hosting a dinner party AND being a blind date is too much to focus on at once in MY opinion.

[dliepmanSUX]

I am the one who made it extravagant...because that was the FUN part for me...if I had the choice I would have preferred to go climbing or hit a movie with coffee to follow...but I was also paying back my friend for dinners I owed him (he paid when we went out and chilled)...

it WAS awkward...but I generally hold nothing back...what you see is what you get...maybe that's why I'm alone...:cry:

anyhow, it was a sort of quasi-exploratory-food exposition combined with a first impression session...I dunno, if it all made sense I wouldn't have had anything to post about...

...my heart hurts...just in general.
:(

[wordsmith]

Oh, no, I think it's a totally cool idea. I like to cook, too. It's just that if I'm meeting someone new, I like to focus totally on that, myself. And if I'm doing dinner, I tend to be pretty absorbed in that. If I was doing both, I'd never feel like I was doing either justice. But that's because I can't multitask.

For the record, I'm also a fan of not masking who I am, even from the get-go, even if I'm nervous. There's such a thing as putting one's best foot forward, sure, but I don't think that should extend to holding back important elements of who you really are when you first meet someone, and so many people do that. I might be on my best behavior, but it's still MY behavior. What's the point in being someone you're not? In my opinion, it's so much more refreshing to be with someone who's genuine, in my opinion. Artifice is the biggest turnoff. Next to cockiness, that is...so, I guess my theory of genuineness being refreshing doesn't really apply if someone is genuinely cocky, hah.