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View Full Version : Ladies... why is the truth so hard?



kearney32862
04-06-2004, 12:00 PM
Okay ladies, tell what is so hard about:
"You seem like a nice guy, but I am just not interested."

Why do you make us go through the phone tag, the cancelled dates, not answering the cell phone when we know that you have it and are not answering..... come on, save yourself some grief and just tell the truth.

kearney32862
04-06-2004, 12:02 PM
Maybe you can tell, but I just recently went through this. Turned down a camping trip with my buds cause I thought I already had plans on Sunday. Sunday comes, she doesnt answer her cell, never calls me back.

shimmer728
04-06-2004, 12:22 PM
I'm beyond guilty of this. I don't know why I do it. I guess I just hate hurting guys' feelings and am always terrified of telling them the truth.

kearney32862
04-06-2004, 12:25 PM
Well let me tell you, I would have rather had a bruised ego sitting around the campfire with my buddies sharing the tale over a beer, than sitting at home alone on a Sunday with a bruised ego wondering why she didnt call, and wishing I had gone camping.

pisces2473
04-06-2004, 12:29 PM
I've had guys do it...but I've never had the "luxury" of being able to do it...regardless of who does it, it's very mature and respectful if you DO tell them the truth--saves time too!

Mn84evR
04-06-2004, 12:29 PM
Sorry Jeremy, i have no reason why girls do this.

I don't do it. If i make plans, i'll keep them even if something better comes up, just because i've got integrity. I hate when people cancel on me for small reasons, and i hate cancelling on others.

The golden rule my friend, the golden rule.

kimmer23
04-06-2004, 12:30 PM
i hate this as well. i hate when friends do this too. a simple call is all it takes. i had a woman that i thought was going to be my new tenant a while back ago and then she doesnt show up to sign the lease. i keep calling and calling her and everytime she was "at the store." finally i talked to her boyfriend who was covering up for her and i just said "please just tell me the truth. i am not going to be mad, i just want to know so i can find someone else." i dont understand people. why can they just act like an adult and have common curtesy?

NorthernAngel
04-06-2004, 12:32 PM
Confronting usually takes more courage than avoiding an issue altogether. You have to deal with the other person's reaction and that can be scary.

Jeremy, I'm assuming you haven't spoken to her since... right?

coll214
04-06-2004, 12:32 PM
Don't know Jeremy, don't know. I hate confrontation, but i'd rather tell someone upfront than give them the runaround and would expect the same courtesy in reverse.

Dragging someone along just hurts them worse in the end, especially if they could have had other plans. Such as cancelling on V-day to be dumped 2 days later... would've been easier if had been done right before!

kearney32862
04-06-2004, 12:43 PM
NorthernAngel,
No, I have not spoken to her since. I want to call her and just tell her that it was not cool, and that the straight truth would have been better. My sisters say just drop it though, its not worth my time. I would like at least a chance to tell her it was messed up, perhaps in the hope that she would not do the same thing to someone else.

pluie76
04-06-2004, 12:52 PM
Ladies do it for the same reason guys do it. Nobody wants to hurt anybody's feelings. I wish guys would have some guts and just be like, "Look, I'm not interested. Throw away my phone number and never call me again!" At least then there would be no doubt!

Crimson King II
04-06-2004, 12:59 PM
But wait Brake. In court, if one side shows and the other does not then the side that shows up gets its way. Bad precedent with dating! If the guy shows up, and the girl doesn't, wouldn't that mean he gets an award in his favor allowing him to have sex by default? I don't think this will be acceptable!

girlinterrupted
04-06-2004, 12:59 PM
For another perspective, sometimes girls/guys do that b/c they are on an ego trip - they like having someone follow them around like a puppy dog. I like the upfront approach like everyone else, but I swear some of my friends like the attention, even if it's coming from someone they have no interest in.

kimmer23
04-06-2004, 01:02 PM
i agree with girlinterrupted. people just dont take other peoples feelings into consideration. some people think its just easier to avoid that other person. all you want is a straight answer.

NorthernAngel
04-06-2004, 01:19 PM
Courtroom litigation aside ;)

Why waste your time any longer, one camping trip is more than sufficient. If she did have a valid reason (ie. family emergency, health problem) of not showing up on Sunday, she would have voiced it by now.
For the part of you telling her how un-cool her behavior was; I believe the only good it will bring is that you might get some of your frustration out (not a bad thing) but I doubt it will change her ways in the future.

pittgirl
04-06-2004, 02:34 PM
I don't think it is right of people who do this, they should just tell the person upfront they don't like you, then lead them on. Because then what happens is the other person just keeps calling or keeping in touch, thinking nothing is wrong at all, that you are truthfully busy. Yeah someone might have a bruised ego or something, but they will get over it and move on. No one likes to hurt anyone's feelings it's a fact of nature, but you can't avoid it your entire life.

Also if a guy or girl is just looking for sex, then truthfully if they know they can't get it within the first couple dates or even the first time they meet you, they truthfully drop you or won't even ask for your number, I have had this happen to me a few times.

coll214
04-06-2004, 02:47 PM
In the same token, I've pretty much upfront told a dude uhh, no thanks and then am just called a cold bitch for not giving them a chance. If you're not interested, you're just not! GRRR. Ppl are evil sometimes...

shimmer728
04-06-2004, 11:05 PM
Originally posted by coll214
In the same token, I've pretty much upfront told a dude uhh, no thanks and then am just called a cold bitch for not giving them a chance. If you're not interested, you're just not! GRRR. Ppl are evil sometimes...

Yeah, I can relate to that as well. Unfortunately, no matter how you choose to reject someone, it will usually end up with the other party being pissed....just my experience.

paperjam1015
04-06-2004, 11:10 PM
Leave it to Wierdbrake to compare dating to courtroom law...

;)


Jeremy, sorry to hear about your situation... We aren't all bad...I think your sisters are right...just leave it and move on to the next one.

dliepmanSUX
04-07-2004, 01:34 AM
you can choose your actions, but you CANNOT choose the CONSEQUENCES of those actions...

yet again another example of the general apathy of humanity regarding the acceptance of responsibility for one's actions...:mad:

AllFallsDown
04-15-2004, 05:46 AM
I usually tell the guy that I like them more as a friend or that I have a man instead of flat out saying "I don't like you", which I believe gets the point clearly across. I had one man/friend tell me that he was in a "situation" and when it was over something could happen.....He has still not brought it up in conversation and that was two years ago! :redface: I don't understand why he couldn't just say "We're too good of friends" or something like that! Then there was this one man who I gave my number to and I told him not to take it if he wasn't going to use it......I have yet to hear from him either! But oh well I guess that's how the dumb dating game goes!:lol:

Winter Storm
04-19-2004, 04:11 PM
The truth isn't hard for me. When I met my boyfriend i was not interested and i told him right away. In fact I cussed him out for stealing my phone number.


Yada, yada, yada, he won me over and we've been together for years. But I'm always upfront.