my problem..

[Unregistered]

my problem is i that like the wrong men. i've tried again and again to like the nice guys, but i'm only attracted to assholes! will i ever find it all in a person - nice, kind, considerate, and attractive? not to mention smart and funny? am i asking for too much??

[Antonina]

do you mean that you are attracted to guys which initially appear to be nice but end up being arseholes, or do you mean that you wished you were attracted to nice boys (rather than obvious Mr. Bigs a' la Sex and the City) but you're not when it comes down to instinct?

Well you know their joke about how men and parking spots are alike in that all the good ones are taken and all the ones left over are handicapped or too small! Just kidding. Well, sort of. I don't know. The only consolation I have for you is that I only recently (me at age 25) ended up meeting a nice boy who was actually genuine, considerate, funny, etc etc and the only reason he was available is because he had had a 7-year relationship end. Maybe that's when you see them, the nice ones... in between relationships... blink and you'll miss. Mmm. Sorry haven't been very positive here, have I? Just the way I see it.

[Jayesh]

The problem with nice men is that they are attracted to the wrong women. So, we have the nice men dating the wrong women, and the nice women dating the wrong men, and the nice men and nice women never meet!!! LOL just kidding
I think everybody's nice until they screw up after which they immediately become an a-hole

[Archon]

Guys become assholes, because many girls are attracted to them because of physical traits. Girls become bitches because they know guys will give them all the attention they want. It comes down to attention and how many people give each other. Someone who's has been popular all their life, always with a bf/gf is more likely to be arrogrant about his/her sex appeal. Unfortunately sex appeal and true love do not have much in common. Then again, maybe that's a good thing...

The nice girls are guys, are the ones that don't have a lot of members of the opposite sex drooling over them. This may sound cliche but you've got to look at other things than initial physical attraction when you meet someone. Obviously it's important that you're physically attracted, but those who tend to date those only that are extremely attractive to their preference may not have that chance to find that person who they can really connect and share life with, that they may consider not as physically attractive.

[MissKitty]

Easy solution...change your "type". Start looking at the type of guys you normally wouldn't go for. Give those nice guys a chance!
I've always been partial to those cute, dorky types. Clothing and hairstyles are easy enough to improve upon. Look for a guy who is intelligent, goofy and sweet. There are a lot of them out there!
~MissKitty

[Dymphna]

I agree with Archon -

Originally posted by Archon
The nice girls and guys, are the ones that don't have a lot of members of the opposite sex drooling over them. This may sound cliche but you've got to look at other things than initial physical attraction when you meet someone. Obviously it's important that you're physically attracted, but those who tend to date those only that are extremely attractive to their preference may not have that chance to find that person who they can really connect and share life with, that they may consider not as physically attractive.

I think sometimes we are too caught up in the physical attributes of people we meet and not in their overall attractiveness. I think of myself as being a pretty great "catch" and my friends would agree....but I can't get a guy to look at me cross-eyed because I may not fit their idea of physically attractive. I think most of the guys who may be attracted to me...are to hung up by the fact that I am not blond, blue eyed and weigh 98lbs.
:confused:

[Undercover]

"I think sometimes we are too caught up in the physical attributes of people we meet and not in their overall attractiveness."

People, this is what dating is for. To each their own. Everyone has their own personal preferences. I may be attracted to someone who guy A & B are not attracted to and vise versa. My point is; attraction is what catches our eye... the interest is there to get to know the person... we date and then we get to know their overall attractiveness (personality and what not)... and you go from there.

My advice is to keep an open mind about everyone and everything. Don't judge a book by its cover!! Be nice to people... start up convos with strangers or just say 'hi' to people you find attractive or who just seem real nice. Never judge someone until you really get to know them and one more thing... NEVER SETTLE until you're 100% happy!! :)

[hyzenthlay]

I agree with you Undercover. You should never settle, especially in a relationship or else you will be unhappy. Don't try to fool yourself into believing you can change what bothers you. You will only drag out your misery.

As for the nice girls hooking up with the wrong guys and vice versa, well, I think it's because everyone is in such a big hurry to find that someone to spend the rest of their lives with. People go out of their way to search for these special people and really, all you need to do is live life normally. I'm 25, I had a long-term relationship, and I haven't dated since. Honestly, I'm not in a hurry. I can't figure out why all my friends are dying to meet the man of their dreams. I also know people in my program who are here for the sole purpose of finding a mate. Can you believe they are in grad school just because they have the opportunity to be in the close vicinity of medical and dental students (we are in public health and happen to share the same building). I don't understand what the big deal is. Some even dress up and study in the medical and law libraries in hopes of bumping into a med or law student to hook up with. I don't even think they care about their masters degrees. Shouldn't we all be focusing on completing and bettering our own lives instead of trying to find someone else to complete our lives? I'd much rather be with someone who has found who they are, is content with what they are/have done, and is independent. I'm trying to complete myself so that whether or not that "someone" happens to come along, I'll still be okay on my own. :p

As for the nice guys finishing last, I don't think that's true. I know lots of nice guys and they are all spoken for.

[Maximus]

As for the never "settle" argument, I agree. However, I can somwhat understand why people "settle". My theory is that many people are so afraid of the "single-disease", which basically translates to fear of being alone or lonely (which I can definitely relate to), they choose to be with anyone rather than no-one. But ,I do agree, I think you're worse off in the long run if you settle. So, all you women out there in unhappy relationships and who have "settled", get out - you deserve better.........like ME!!:)

[Undercover]

Phyzenthlay, from the way you described your friends, they sound very needy and dependent! Weirdbrake, they're all yours, buddy. Keep them out of NY!!

[Dymphna]

Can it really be considered settling if you give someone you normally would not be attracted to a second look or just getting to know the people who are not Mr/Ms Right-at-first-sight?

It's great to find somone that you are physically attracted to right off the bat and the two of you "click", but what about giving that person who may not be the "perfect" height a chance?

I am sorry but I have to stand up for us "nice" men and women who have lots of friends who think we are great but can't get a member of the opposite sex to think of us as potential significant others because we don't quite measure up in every way to the physical requirements of being a "great catch". Maybe if people were more open to meeting new people they would discover that their "type" goes beyond physically perfection. Beauty only lasts for so long, what about someone who has a great personality, is intelligent and funny, and wouldn't dump you because they found someone more phyically attractive.


Max - By the way many of us "not so perfect girls" consider 5'8 to be a good height for a guy.

[Maximus]

I understand what Dymphna is saying (and thanks for the compliment).

Weirdbrake, this one's for you in conjunction with our other discussion (as an example).......I couldn't resist -

It's great to find somone that you are physically attracted to right off the bat and the two of you "click", but what about giving that person who may not be the "perfect" height a chance?

Ok, I'll stop now:)