I need some objective opinions.....

[jezzabelle7]

Here's my situation. I graduated from college 2 years ago and accepted a very good job 600 miles away from home. My boyfriend and I had planned on him moving out to live with me after I had a year to get adjusted and spend some time on 'my own'. This to me was a good plan because we both had some growing to do.

Well, this is where the story goes to shit...he ended up moving to live with me only 3 weeks after I had moved to my new job. This threw everything into chaos because he basically made this decision without consulting me first. He was able to find a job, albeit a low paying one and he enrolled in school because he had never finished (the plan had been for him to finish BEFORE his move).

Anyway, he ended up living with me for only 4 months and when I had to go to associate training, whcih required a month long stay away from home. Boyfriend made the decision to move back to our home state in order to take another/better job. His reason being that I was making him feel bad about himself, in reality all I was trying to do was jump start his motivation to finish school (he failed the same math class 3 times!!) and find a decent job so that we could settle down together and start adult lives. I was ready to leave the barhopping, keg party days behind.

So, he moves back to the home state and starts this other life. I make the best effort of visiting him, sending cards, little packages, calling, etc...doing all of the LDR things that you're suppose to because even though he had decided to move 'he still loved me' and still 'wanted to marry me'. On the otherhand, for six months following his move he acted like a total jack ass. Going for days without calling, didn't visit me once and basically ignored me. There was even one point where I went back to our hometown to spend a long weekend together and he decided to go camping with his friends instead.

It took awhile, but I finally pulled myself out of the depressed haze and decided to move on with my life. This guy just wasn't making me happy anymore and he was making me feel sorry for myself. Now I'm dating a really nice guy and I am content with my 'new' life; however, there is always that nagging question of whether or not I've done the right thing. Guy #1 was the guy that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with and, of course, now that I have somewhat moved on he wants another chance. Am I being stupid to throw it all away?? We have a huge history together and I can't imagine him being with someone else. We had been together for five years before this breakup...but I just don't know if it is worth the struggle. He sucks at Long Distance stuff and I always feel like I am the one having to make the sacrifices.

This is ridiculously long, so if you've taken the time to read it..then thanks...any thoughts would be helpful.

[narbie]

Sometimes its hard to do what is best for yourself. I was in a similar situation, engaged to a guy who was not in the same ballpark as I was as far as goals and ambitions. When you're in school you live in a utopia type world, everybody is on the same page in life, but once the structure of school is over then you see who people really are. It sounds like you two grew apart once you entered the real world, but now you have an adult relationship that is probably alot healthier. So my advice is to stick it out and don't go back with your ex, eventually you'll remember why you broke up in the first place.
Good Luck!

[Jayesh]

Jezzabelle,

I think your ex sounds like a flake. You have made the right decision to move on with your life. It sounds from your post that he makes major decisions in his life, that do affect your life, without talking it out with you.
Just imagine, what if you had got married and then he decided to move away? What if you guys had kids?

[hyzenthlay]

Jezzabelle,

I had a similar situation like you. It's good that you've moved on and found someone else to be with. It sounds like you are happy now and you should just let the past be the past. You can't let it burden you or bring your present life down. I had that problem before. I just couldn't let go of my ex and I'd think about him a lot more than I should have been, considering we were through. I guess the problem was I still cared for him, but he didn't care about me at all, so I don't know what I was expecting. Anyway, I'm just glad you are happy now. You deserve to be free from the bondage. Just live life to it's fullest and leave all the baggage behind. You have an entirely new future to make for yourself with this new man. Good luck with your current relationship. :p

Hyzenthlay

[Phoenix]

Sounds like your ex wasn't being honest w/ you (or himself) when he moved away and said he still loved and still wanted to marry you. Because if that was the case then he would have made an effort for 6 months and not gone camping w/ friends when you came to spend time w/ him. His buddies will always be there...and he should have been there for you.

I'd say you're better off now w/ the new guy. Your ex isn't worth the second chance, although it may hurt to make that decision. He'll probably go back to his old ways once he's 'won' you back. And you'll be giving up something w/ the new guy who treats you well...who knows if HE could be the one. :)

[dairyqueen]

I like to remember the old adage...

If you take the milk from the fridge and it's spoiled. You put the milk back in the fridge, when you take it out two weeks later the milk is still spoiled.

I feel this can represent a relationship very well. If at one point the relationship goes bad, whenever you take it out of the fridge again....it's still the same spoiled milk. They don't have a magic milk fairy to come and make it all better.

DQ