Why am I single?!

[narbie]

Ok here's my situation. I've been single for five years, ever since my fiance and I split. At first I didn't want a relationship but now I do. I'm 26 and just moved from Southern California to Scotland for grad school and was hoping to start over and find a cute scotsman. But still no luck! I'm still seen as the girl-next-door, the one who's always up for a rugby game or beer. I've tried to change, you know dress sexier, be flirty, but that is sooo not me that guys can sense I'm uncomfortable and avoid me. There are two guys I could see myself dating, one I totaly connected with intellectually but he is the catch of the university and the other I play rugby with (in fact he pushed me into playing). So again, I'm in the girl-next-door situation. And if I hear the "BUT" speech (you're great, wonderful, etc. BUT...) one more time I'll kill somebody. They always say love comes when you're not looking, and I played that game for awhile. Now I'm in a forgein country for the next 3 years and want to love and be loved.
Anybody have any suggestions? Especially how to find a guy when you are the girl-next-door?

[kaltan_knight]

hrmmmmm.....i know....just get naked!!!!!....just kidding...but seriously....i might suggest talking to one of these fellows or another guy....i find honesty and the ability to communicate with a women incredibly attractive...maybe they or another guy really does feel something for you, but because of the situation..you being from another country for example, they might be apprehensive...in todays world it is supposed to be ok now for a women to ask a man out so i hear.....anyways give it a try...be honest..go out for a pint maybe and speak your mind...if he thinksi it is rediculous or laugh or reacts negativly then maybe he is not the person you thought he was and he will be missing out............good luck



p.s. what does the girl next door mean anyways??????? a women is a women to me

[narbie]

My definition of the girl next door is a girl who guys see as "one of the guys" I've also had guys tell me I'm like sister only better b/c there's no sibling rivalry. Basically, not seen as a female; one of my best guy friends told me he hadn't even considered it an option.
*edit* the frustrating part is my guy friends come to me for advice on girls, half the time I just want to tell them they are dating a psycho. What's wrong with me? We have a blast and have lots in common, but I don't know how to get them to see me "that way".

[kaltan_knight]

so look...like i said....sometimes us guys can be a little slow...i will admit it....i am a guy and i am a little slow with the emotional parent and appproaching a women.....maybe try to"show them the light" so to speak...i feel for you...i really do....i can't seem to get even a word out of my mouth when it comes to women.....you might just have to do all the work to start something off with a guy......good luck

[greene54]

Even though I'm a guy - I can relate, Narbie. I always seem to fall into that "nice friend" position with girls. I think my problem is this. I try too hard not to offend a girl I like, or say something out of line. I also make myself too available and hang out for a little too long. I think a lot of times, romance needs conflict. Some push-and-pull. It also needs mystery.
Try to be a little more "here and gone", if you know what I mean. Also, never be afraid to say whatever little thing happens to be on your mind. And most important, always try to be immediately clear as to what you want from a guy, without any sugar coatings.