who am i?

[Unregistered]

ok, i'll try to keep this short, my thoughts are kind of scattered right now, so i apologize in advance if this seems more like a stream of consciousness than a coherent post.

i'm a single, female who has never had a significant relationship in my 22 years. i portray confidence on the outside, but when it comes down to it, i have none. anytime a guy wants a relationship with me, i'm not interested because he doesn't fit my "ideal" but at the same time, i can't even really define my ideal. the one that i want, is never interested in me(its not a specific guy, just whoever i have interest in at the time). i find it hard to pursue relationships with guys who are interested in me, when i'm not interested and this leaves me relationship-less. then when i do attempt a relationship, i always sabotage it somehow, by acting very strange and unlike myself. i am extremely uncomfortable in my skin and i honestly don't know who i am. i realize that in order to meet someone i have to know myself, love myself, etc. but i REALLY don't know how to. i am a senior in college(with one semester left next year) and i have spent the last year studying in another country. there have been prospects here, but again i have fallen into the same trap with not meeting anyone that i truly want, that want me back. its hard to describe my life and the way that i live, because i don't know anyone else who has a similar lifestyle. i never get too attached to anyone, i don't know if its fear of rejection or what, but i don't have anyone in my life that isn't a family member that i love, even friends. i came here and i met a lot of great people, but i kind of keep from getting too close and i don't know why. i'm an intelligent, fun, attractive girl, but i can't seem to attract the guys that i want. im not even saying that i'm attracting losers, its just i can't seem to give anyone a chance and then when i do rarely get the chance with someone that i would want, i act really odd. i honestly think that there is something very wrong with the way that i form and grow friendships and relationships. i sound pathetic when i say it, but i don't know how to be a friend or a girlfriend and i think this has to stem back to the fact that i don't know who i am. does anyone know what i mean? any suggestions on how to solve this bizarre problem? i'm sure there are more issues that i can't even see for myself, but this is really the first time i have ever even put down some things that i think or feel, so it might be very confusing for others, because it completely baffles me...anyone with advice, thank you so much.

[narbie]

You're not alone, I think everyone has been where you are at least once...I know I have, especially being in another country. I'm going to grad school in Scotland right now and everything I thought about myself has changed. It sounds like you are being too hard on yourself, at 22 I didn't know who I was, at 26 I still don't really know. But I do know that if I keep trying figure myself out I'll go mad. I know its an old cliche but you have to love yourslef first, take stock of your good stuff and realize you have alot to offer and remember you're not the only one who feels lost. I may be off base here, but the last year of college for me was frightening, what now? Where do I go? Who am I? I think if you give yourself a break other people will too.
Good Luck and have fun with life!

[Jayesh]

Guest,

I didnt get something from your mail. Do you genuinely need to have someone else with you in life, but dont allow them to get close to you?

I think some people are meant to be alone, and can be happy living from one short term relationship to another. Society tells us that you will be truly happy when you are with someone, and you accept that. The concept of finding is soulmate, getting married and living happily ever after may be romantic, but it's not always true

Well, I dont know whther that is true in your case, but atleast you have realised the problem, which is half the work done.

[Cook]

I don't think a person has to have someone. I thought that I would be very unhappy moving to a new town and not knowing anybody. I got a little house way out in the country and have been pleasently surprised. I don't have a TV so it forces me to be a little more creative with entertainment, reading, playing music, getting out and finding out what my area has to offer and playing in the yard. Most of these things I had never gotten into before and found that I really enjoy them.
Yeah it sucks some of the time, I can't go and see a movie,(can't bring myself to go alone) and I hope things change soon. I would really like for things to change soon what if I become a social misfit ;) but so far it is not unbearable........yet.

[Jayesh]

Cook,

I understand you difficulties after you moved to a new town, because well I have left my home country to work here in US, and have been trying t settle in US ever since
I think what you are talking about is having friends around. You really dont need to have a relationship to go to a movie, you can do that with friends, or by dating several people.
I know many people who are heavily into the dating scene, without any plans for long term comitements. They know that they are not comfortable with long-term relationships, so they make do with short ones, which can be fun for some people