Aging baby-boomer parents

[MissKitty]

I guess that I have never thought about my parents aging and someday not being able to care for themselves. It's a sad thing to think about. But lately it has become something that is weighing on my mind.

My father-in-law recently told us, out of the blue, that he has made us executor of his estate, and yesterday sent us information about his dying wishes and long term care. We spoke with him about all this and told him that we will take him in to live with us when he can no longer take care of himself. He sounded relieved.
Both my parents and my husbands parents are divorced and remarried (except for his Mother), and we are the eldest children in both families. Are we expected to take care of everyone including step-parents and divorced parents? I couldn't imagine having my father-in-law AND my mother-in-law living together with us in their old age. I don't have a relationship with my Father(who is in his mid-fifties) and he has young children of his own...should they be responsible for caring for him? Do we just divide them up among all the siblings? We both have younger siblings, but I can't imagine discussing this subject with my 13 year old brother.

I can't get my Mother to talk about this. I asked her if she has a living will and she dosen't. The topic of aging only brings about jokes and obviously makes her feel uncomfortable, but this is something that sooner or later we will have to deal with. Have any of you discussed this subject with your parents? How do I approach this matter gently?
Have any of you dealt with caring for aging parents?
This subject has made us rethink about our home buying plans too. We are going to need room for both children and elderly parents.

~MissKitty

[malaynab]

My dad is 66 and had a small stroke last year. My mother is quite a bit younger than he is, and as far as I know is in good health. I've thought about what would happen if my mom was forced to "care" for my dad and many other scenarios about if they were both in poor health, or my dad passed away, etc. My brother is a couple of years older than I am. He's actually in a better position to take care of them, being closer to their home and having a home of his own (versus my apartment life). I don't EXPECT him to take care of them though. I think every family is different, but I know that we'd be able to work something out between the two of us. I don't know how old your parents are, or the condition of their health, but if I were you and concerned about it as you are, I would get together with the siblings and discuss it. It may be something they've never thought about, and might not want to think about, but it may make you feel better to at least address the possibility. Definately talk to your husband about what he would want to do. If you don't want to "disturb" the parents by talking about it, you probably don't need to right now. I've never TOLD my parents what we would do . . . because I don't know for sure. But they know that I'd never put them in a home. When the time comes, it will all work out. Try not to stress too much. Wish I had some better advice, but good luck!


malayna