Meeting people in public places.

[Unregistered]

I go out every weekend to different bars in NYC and Westchester, and never really see any girls that I'm really attracted to. Granted I'm extremely picky, however, more times then not I tend to see beautiful girls that I am attracted to in random places... in stores, in the mall, at the gym, etc. I don't have much of a problem approaching girls in bars... I mean, everyone is there to have a good and the majority of people are open to meeting new people... not to forget about the alcohol factor. Anyway, I don't have any experience approaching girls I'm attracted to in public places. I'm 27 and beginning to think I need to start broadening my outlook on where to meet girls, besides the bar. I guess my question is for the ladies... are you open to guys walking up to you (in a random store) and just being like, "Hi"... maybe a little compliment... and saying something like, "If I didn't come over here to meet you I'd be kicking myself in the azz the whole way home." I don't know... am I stretchin'? I guess I just find it awkward approaching girls in public places... maybe I shouldn't, but I would like to get the ladies perspective.

-B

[24kat]

i say go for it, and say whatever you feel comfortable with. i met a guy in barnes and noble and it was totally cool. it just happened that we were just looking in the same section for the same book and just started talking. so it doesn't have to be a pick up line or anything, unless you want it to be. so yeah, us girls are open to meeting people in places other than bars. it's kind of refreshing to meet someone in a non-bar setting.

[Jessica]

Another female's perspective - I personally don't like being approached unless I've given some suggestion (body language, eye contact) that I'd like someone to approach me. This is a purely personal opinion and others may well feel differently.

I'm not keen on cheesy "lines" although, if the guy and I have made some eye contact during the evening and he says it tongue-in-cheek then it may be different. (However, most people like a compliment if it's well thought-out rather than obvious). Best advice is never approach unless they look open to it and don't butt in on a conversation. Apart from that I'd go for it as the worst that can happen is someone being disinterested.

I totally relate to what you say about not seeing people out that you are attracted to unless they are in a venue where it's inappropriate to approach someone. I tend to think if you don't meet people socially in a bar you have to rely on introductions from friends and acquaintances.

However, if my recent trip to New York was anything to go by, Americans are more open to being approached by strangers than us Brits so maybe I'm not qualified to advise... Mind you, over here it's often us girls that do the approaching. Waiting for British men to come to you is like watching paint dry!

Good luck

[Phoenix]

I don't know that I would react well to a pick up line in a store... I think that would bother me more and I would be a little more likely to dismiss the guy (just b/c I would get the vibe that he tried to do this w/ about 50 other women who also didn't take the bait). I suppose it all depends on how you appear when you do it and how smoothly it goes.

I like what 24kat said about how she met the guy in the barnes and noble. I would be more receptive to a guy asking me a question about a product I happen to have in my hand (book, food, whatever) and then getting into a discussion about it rather than having him trying to pick me up directly. But along the same line as Jessica's comment...if the person isn't receptive/open to your question, line, etc. leave 'em alone. You don't want to come off as a stalker, ya know? :)

[Antonina]

I've got a funny one for you. My current boy and I first got talking when we were sitting at diagonally opposite corners of a public picnic table, both reading a book (possibly pretending to when we were really checking each other out). All was calm until he suddenly had a violent reaction and tried to tip the table over all in the name of some anonymous insect (fictional? true? still under debate at this point) that apparently attacked him. I laughed my head off. Needless to say, the cliche next questions about each other's books came and thence started a 7 hour long conversation.

That was how we met- we still thank that insect now and again. The ridiculous does work.

[BMCalumni]

You never know until you try.. what do you have to lose by talking to a random person? Nothing!!

[MissKitty]

Go for it!
Once upon a time, I kept running into this cute boy on campus, but we never said a word to each other. I would pass him almost every day and we would smile at each other, but never said anything. I'd see him out and about with his friends, but neither of us made the first move. So one day I saw him quietly reading under a tree and something came over me and I just decided to sit right next to him and ask what he was reading. We ended up dating for two years. :)
Hmmm...maybe it's a good idea to meet people in the park or outdoors!

~MissKitty

[malaynab]

I agree with everyone else. It's ok to approach and start a conversation, just make sure you don't say what you wrote before about kicking yourself in the a##. Even though you may be sincere, it sounds like a line. Good luck!\


Malayna

[jamie]

There's a guy in my apartment building...we always make eye contact, but always see each other in passing. i too am tired of dating, tired of the bar scene...and it seems like my building should be the the perfect place to meet other young professionals. but i don't know how to strike up that initial conversation, especially when we're just passing each other in the lobby, usually in a rush on the way to work. any suggestions?

[M4A1]

Yea. Say something. Anything.

Smile and say something like: "Late for work?", "Taking the train today?" or "I heard route 50 is all jammed up, know any shortcuts?"

Say something. If he's interested, he will talk.

[jamie]

you make it seem so easy!

[M4A1]

Yup. It is that easy.

It can't hurt to ask... unless this guy is a PSYCOPATH.

[TranquilSkye]

well i don't mind being approached in public as long as its respectful. don't give me any line or stand close enough for me to feel you breathing. if a guy just walked up and said "hi what are you reading?" or "hi your outfit looks nice" i would be more than willing to have a conversation with him. so go for it! and good luck :)

[ValentineGirl]

I would definetly be open to talking to a random guy in a public place as long as he was nice and respectful and sincere. So, like everyone else said, just go for it and see what happens :)

[One on One]

bump......what's a good way to approach a girl at Barnes and Noble (considering I am there like 3-4 times a week)?

[seanstevens]

I had a similar experience with a girl in my building. Actually, her door was directly across from my door in the hallway. I could look out my peep hole when I heard her coming in.

When we saw each other we would say hi, but I think the problem was that neither of us had a frame of reference for the other.

Then, one day I ran into one of my buddies at a cafe, and he was sitting with a group of people, including the girl from across the hall. It turns out that his friend from work was friends with her, etc. etc. etc.

So, then, we were able to talk for a while knowing that there was some kind of connection and that neither of us was too psycho.

I guess that's what friendster, myspace, etc. are supposed to do, but I have to admit that I feel a little old for that.

We didn't end up dating or falling in love, but at least we could talk a little bit more when we saw each other in passing. So... this is more a comment than an answer.

But, I guess, if you are trying to hook it up at B&N, you should pretend like you are looking for a book in the same section and say something about it. (When you are standing next to someone looking for a book, it is almost more awkward to not say something than to say something.)

I would say that it is better to not say something that is like a pick up line. If you are really that picky and these are very good looking girls, they get that kind of stuff all the time.