Sisters

[diesel]

This is probably more for the girls on here than the guys, but I'll take opinions from anyone right now :)

I don't get along with my sister. We're three years apart and as different as night and day. Most people I know with sisters are best friends. I've tried to be friends with her, but we're just not compatible. Yet she's always tried to emulate me. It's flattering and annoying at the same time. Especially when it comes to my friends - mine are hers and hers are hers kind of thing. She once called one of my guy friends up by looking thru the numbers on the caller ID box...to make plans without me. Does this seem weird to anyone else?

Can anyone here tell me how they get along with a sibling that is the exact opposite of them? How do you deal with one who stirs up drama in your life that they have no business being a part of?

Help!

[pittgirl]

I know how it feels, my brother and I are about 6 years apart and definetly complete opposities. He actually blames all the downfalls in his life on me (he's older, I am the baby) because my parents supposedly gave me more blah blah. Which is BS, he just choose a different route in life than me, simple as that and he can't take responsibility.
For your sister, believe it or not the best thing is to totally ignore her and also tell her to mind her own business. The more drama you stir up the more she is going to go into your life and the worse it is going to be. With my brother, I just ignore him and live my life, if worse comes to worse, have your parents talk to her about this is your life and so forth.

[diesel]

Pittgirl- That's kind of what my sister does too. I'm oldest and when I graduated from high school I took off to college and have rarely lived at home since. She chose to commute because of her bf at the time and she now blames me, my parents, her friends and everyone but herself for those choices. She takes no responsibility for her actions. I'm trying hard to ignore her, but damn is it hard sometimes.

[pittgirl]

Diesal, I know how hard it is to ignore them, I really do. I have to bite my tongue and god knows what else from losing it on my brother at times. Your sister sounds like my brother, I choose to go away to school and everything, while he choose to work full time out of high school. So he blames me that his life is so crappy at times, that he has low self esteem and other stuff like that. Which isn't true, he made all the choices after high schoo, he doesn't like and doesn't want to live with them. But he's to lazy to change anyways, he is going to be 29 and still living at home, never once moved out. I am assuming you still live at home, if that is the case maybe start using a cell phone as your primary phone number or getting your own line, so she can't pry into your life.

[diesel]

Pittgirl- Our siblings would get along well ;) No I'm out of the parents house now, but she's still there. I live 40 minutes from them in a town of 3,000 ppl...you'd think she wouldn't come here. Heh, her best friend and his wife just moved here. I can't escape the madness! I'm feeling calmer now, but she had me riled earlier over stuff that should be left for junior high kids. Thanks for the words of encouragement!

[SmilesSoSweet]

My sister and I are also three years apart, she's older. And it was more like a mother/daughter relationship than an older/kid sister one. She would try and tell me to do things as if she was our mom, and I hated it. We never had the same friends or would she try and hang out with my friends or vice versa though.

Now that she's moved to another state, the distance has actually got us to become closer. I just visited her over the holiday (we haven't seen each since New Years) and we got along just fine, a lot closer than I expected.

My brother and I also get along a lot better. I think it's also because we don't see each other too often and don't get on each other's nerves as quickly than we did as kids.

I think it's just all apart of growing up. We'll still have our little stupid fights, but most of the drama is gone from our sibling rivalry. :)

[coll214]

When i was younger my sister drove me bonkers (she's 2 years younger than me). I used to resent the fact that my mom ALWAYS had me bring her along when I went out w/ my friends but as i got older i asked her b/c i wanted to... And growing up in the household we did helped to make us closer as well. And we are polar opposites, she's Felix to my Oscar, I'm always late, she's early, i'm more laid back, etc. But for some reason we are able to get along...

Most of my friends w/ sisters are like you in that they do not get along that well w/ their sisters... so they just try not to interact w/ them too too much so that no arguments ensue.

[wordsmith]

My sister and I are far enough apart in age (six years, I'm older) that there's no real rivalry...we're quite close, but we def. have these hot and cool periods.

When I was a teen and she was a kid, she drove me insane, and then I left, essentially, for six years for college and post-college work. I moved back to find her not a little kid anymore, and found that we could be friends. We're very much alike. But I think I'm too hard on her, sometimes, and lose patience quickly...I expect her to be like me, because she sort of is, and tend to forget that she's closer to being a kid than an adult...and when she flakes out on me, as people her age are prone to do, it annoys me to no end.

[midtwenty]

I come from a different situation. I'm the middle of 5 kids, 3 of which are step-siblings. But my mom married my stepfather when I was very young, so for all intents and purposes we ARE siblings.
My youngest sister is 22 and really has a screwed up life. She and my middle sister lived with their mom most of the time, but Becca came to live with us for about 4 years so she and I are closer than the rest. She's currently on her second marriage and pregnant with her second kid. Long, sad story. She and my middle sister NEVER got along, and most the time I had to protect Becca from her own blood sister.
My middle sister is 24 and thinks she knows everything. She basically told my (step)dad to take a hike and refuses to speak to anyone in the family. Why, you ask? Because she came out of the closet and can't deal with the aftermath. Believe me, it made no difference to the family, nor was it a surprise. We love her regardless, but she can't come to terms with herself and we can't make her.
My oldest sister is 11 years older than me and we have absolutely NOTHING in common. She's very mousy, and involved in what can only be described as a cult. Her only child is a brilliant little boy who will probably get beaten up in school every day for 12 years because she saddled him with the name Romeo. Yes, Romeo.
My brother, who IS my brother by blood, is 9 years older than me and again, we don't have much in common. I think for years he secretly resented me for being born. Not much I can do about that, but I tried for a really long time to cultivate the kind of brother-sister relationship that I longed for and he just wasn't having any of it. So I quit. He's gotten a bit better in the last 3 years, since my niece was born. But the gap is too wide and too much time has passed. My heart can only take so much beating and he did a thorough job, so I gave up. To this day I think he's inwardly startled every time he sees me because he still thinks of me as his bratty little sister. I really only ever wanted a SPECK of his attention, just for a few moments. But it wasn't to be.

So diesel, speaking from the bratty little sister who's all grown up point of view, I beg you to find even a shred of patience for your little sister. If she's anything like me, she's simply desperate for any scrap of your attention she can get and probably hopes to be like you. Why else hang with your friends and copy you? I know it's terribly annoying, but I grew up with 4 siblings and was incredibly lonely almost the entire time.

[diesel]

Thanks everyone for the replies.

SSS - I understand how the distance thing helps. When I was in Arizona for three years we got along splendidly. Now that we're both in Michigan there's friction.

Every situation is different. I try to remember that even though we grew up in the same house we had different experiences that shaped us. She just makes life difficult for herself sometimes and then blames everyone else for her choices. That's what drives me nuts. I'm trying to be patient with her. It's just difficult when she is in contact with someone I need space from.

She gave information to a guy I need to be away from or I end up insane. He was a good friend of mine and hers but the boundaries with he and I weren't always clear and the relationship ended up hurting me a lot. She doesn't understand that and thinks it would be fun to bring him as a date to my wedding. I don't want that. At all. I don't hate this person. I just know for my own mental health I have to be apart from him til we both do more growing. So if she'd just respect my wishes of not discussing me with this person life would be easier with her and me.

[shimmer728]

I have two younger sisters, one who is four years younger and one who is eight years younger. (We're 24, 20 and 16). Growing up we absolutely tormented each other......bit, scratched, pulled hair, told each other we were adopted, the whole nine yards. Now we get along pretty well. I think sibling rivalries and conflicts tend to disappear the older you get.

However, I still think my youngest sister is a pain in the ass. I can't stand her snotty teenage attitude, including her constant hair flips and sarcastic remarks. But at least I can now see exactly what I was like eight years ago.

[tiffy482]

I'm glad there's already a thread about this. I was just gonna start another one to rant about my sister. I'm currently living with my older sister (3 years) and like many of you, we are as different as night and day. She even told me she hated me when we were younger. Our living styles are completely different. I like things organized and have enough ambition to do things for myself. My sister prefers to order me and my brother-in-law around like we're her personal slaves. She leaves dirty dishes around for a week, then gets pissed it takes her 2 hours to do them. And she gets pissed I do them when there aren't many. I just got pissed now, cuz she eats all of my food!! I think I have food to eat, then go to eat it and it's gone. She was just saying how she would rather have me live with them instead of my brother in law's brother cuz he ate all of their food. I'm like HELLO!! But I don't say anything to her, cuz she's a loose cannon.

Frankly, I'm scared of her. My grandma is even scared of her. With any luck, i should be moving out in 2 weeks. I will hopefully be getting an official job offer on Tuesday. So I'm not gonna say anything. What am I going to do if I don't though??

[shimmer728]

I'm bumping this up because I have to rant about my sister, Catherine, who's being a complete bitch. First of all, she called me from college several nights ago to tell me that she's going to a CEOs and Hos mixer this weekend, and can she borrow some of my clothes to wear?! WTF? Talk about an underhanded insult!

Then she ripped me a new one when I tried to inquire about our Saturday night plans. See, it's her 20th b-day, and we're all supposed to go out to dinner. Well, she's changed the location of dinner at least three times, and she and the rest of my family have yet to decide on a time to meet. So when I tried to nail down some specifics, she said I was acting like a four-year-old, which I don't really understand.

Oh well, it doesn't really matter. My family will invariably show up at the restaurant at least 15 minutes after they're supposed to, since they don't value punctuality in the same way that I do. :mad:

[sunshine79]

Wow, I was about to do a new post about my sister when I saw that this one was resurrected (thanks Shimmer - sorry about your situation btw. She sounds strikingly similar to my sister!)

My sister is 3 years younger and just graduated college. She changed her major several times, and at the last minute, switched from pre-law to pre-med and spents tons of $$ applying to top medical schools that everyone knew that she couldn't get into. Since she didn't get into the schools she wanted, she decided to do this 1 yr masters program at Oxford, which is where she studied abroad. It drives me NUTS that she's not taking this seriously, she has taken out $30k in loans just to go for 1 year, when she doesn't even know (or seem to care) if she can get a good job after finishing this program. She just "thinks its cool" to be at a well-known college like that. I can't get it through her head how horrible it is going to be to try to pay these back, especially if she can't get a job and decides to do more schooling. She seems to think that she'll be a doctor someday and just be rich, and not have to worry about anything. I know that she is going to continue to be a drain on my parents, and all I want for them is to be able to retire soon.

She and I are jsut so different! We used to be really close, but I can't even carry on a conversation with her anymore b/c she is just being ridiculous and completely selfish. There is so much more that I could write about how horrible she is but I don't want to bore you guys. I guess I will have to wait until she matures and faces the real world and can understand what it's like to work hard and not get everything that you want.

[tartytwenty]

You know what's odd, I wish I had a sister. I have 2 little brothers and it was fun, but it just seems to me, that sisters have a much closer bonding and more of a friendship....even with the disagreements. I wish you all well with your sisters! Plus, it would've helped me out in boy vs. girl arguments if I had a sister to side with me :P

[pisces2473]

Me too, Tarty. My mom has 2 sisters--she doesn't need any girl friends. I have enough trouble keeping my girl friends around. My brother is fun, but I can't "talk" to him, you know?

[chrisp]

i think ill be able to talk to my sister in a few years. not to sound like i am a horrible person or what not. but i cant talk to her about normal things cause shes so sheltered. she the baby of the family, doesnt go out, already finished high school...takes college classes but has no social life and acts like a saint. thats why i still have girlfriends that i can talk to about going out and having fun...having a drink here or there. and other misc stuff.

[pash]

That's funny - I always wanted an older brother when I was younger - mostly for the protection and the prospect of dating his friends, but...

Anyway, I have a sister who is 7 years older than me. When we were younger we didn't get along, but we didn't really bicker - she would just bite my head off and I would just draw further and further away from her. I think she used to resent me a lot too - and like your sister, Tiffy, she used to say she hated me.

But, now that we are both older - she's in her 30s and I'm in my 20s - we actually get along pretty well, despite the fact that we are polar opposites. We live in different states and don't see each other often, but we do talk on the phone about stuff we do have in common. I don't think we'll ever be best friends, with all of our differences, but when I have been in trouble or something came up that really mattered, she will always step up and do whatever it takes to help me out. I think it's more important that I recognize her as family than a friend, because most of the time, that's who you can count on forever.

[hopeless]

Diesel,
I too dont' get along with my sister. When we were younger we always fighted, but sibling rivalry is normal I guess. We did have moments were we did got along especially during family vacations. We're 4 yrs. apart & right now we don't even know what to say to each other. She seems well off with her friends & life. Right now she's getting her master's in music in Kent State in Ohio renting an apartment with her roommate who is also doing the same thing as my sister is. My dad thinks in time we'll start to talk, but my mom doesn't think that's the case. She's always pestering me on why I'm not making the effort & that if my sister & I keep this up we might as well be orphans once our parents pass away. I asked my friends on what they talk about with their sisters & how they do keep in touch since they live far away from each other. I guess it's different for some people. I don't even know where to start with my sister.

[GetMeOuttaDC]

hopeless - your mom is wrong to nag you and your sis about that.

my sister and I were never close - she's 20 and I'm 25, and we are polar opposites with polar opposite lives. we got along really badly when we were growing up; we did not have a good home life by any means and (while I understand why, etc) now I was the one who got most of the burning and had a hard time not holding that against her or our baby bro (17).

one day out of the blue, she called crying and we talked for 3 hours... that was about 2 years ago. it's been a lot easier since then, but it's still kind of weird because we have 18 years of catching up to do!

what I do know though, is we can work together, most of the efforts being to help our bro, who is having a similar crappy and traumatic home experience.

I wish we were closer though.