Announcing an engagement

[pisces2473]

I just checked my AOL mail and someone who I'd been in touch with through a message board (and haven't talked to in months) sent out one of those general emails to like everyone in her address book to announce that she and her BF got engaged. Is that appropriate? I think it's kinda tacky, especially how I haven't heard from her in months.

What do you all think?

[diesel]

On one hand I can see that she wants to share her good news with everyone. But, IMO, I'd personally contact people. Calling friends and family that I'm close to, but people I'm just acquaintances with...if we talk and they find out then fine, but you're right, the mass email was tacky.

[pisces2473]

Diesel, those are exactly my thoughts on it all.

[red]

i guess it depends on your usual method of communication. i'm not much of a phone person, but there are friends that i email regularly (some live outside the us, some on the west coast, etc). when i got engaged i emailed them, but i wouldn't have emailed someone i met through a message board.

[kimmer23]

well maybe a lot of those people are close on that board like we are....

its like you (jen) sending out a message on this board saying you got engaged(you ARENT though) and some people are going to know you well and others just barely know you because they only frequent the boards on occasion.

but then again most likely you would just post a thread and not email everyone.

[pisces2473]

Most of the other people on the email were friends of hers. I haven't heard from her (and we used to email/IM daily) since Chris was hurt. Real nice of her to check in huh?

Actually this person used to post here--that's how I know her.

[pisces2473]

Oh and FYI, I wouldn't know HOW to go about telling you guys on here that I was engaged. When it happens. You know. ;)

[kimmer23]

i think A LOT of people are like this. i find even my good friends to be this way. some people dont realize how they are i think. i dont know about you, but sometimes i bite my tongue and not tell people how they treat others because i know i'll probably lose them as a friend. i am sure i do things that they dont like as well.

it does suck pisces. people cant even take 5 minutes out of their day to say HI or whatever.

[kimmer23]

you should get engaged on your 6000th post! just kidding!

[pisces2473]

Hey Kimmer, ask HeatherF about my thoughts on shitty friends. LOL

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by kimmer23
you should get engaged on your 6000th post! just kidding!
I can't tell you guys when I get engaged...because Layback won't be around to give me flak. LOL

[pisces2473]

Exactly Met...you don't email people you haven't talked to in months--unless there was a reason why you haven't talked to them (hiking up Mt. Everest, in a coma, etc.)

[kimmer23]

at first i thought you said SHIFTY friends....but those arent good either!!

well some people just have to announce EVERYTHING that goes on in their life. when my sister in law was living her and her husband were like that constantly. they would bring their new car over right after they bought it so they could show it to you and take you for a ride.

[pisces2473]

Kimmer--shitty or shifty--neither are good!!

Yeah, I'm really sick of people and their rude behaviors. Friends who write 3 sentence emails and don't tell you what's going on with them, people who don't ask about serious things in your life, but when something good happens to them, there they are!

No wonder why I hate people.

[diesel]

Jen, sometimes I swear you and I have the same friends the way you talk about them!

My college roommate was married four years ago. I was a bridesmaid. I lived 2000 miles away at the time and tried, tried, tried to keep up the contact, but she never did. We lost touch. Fast forward to this spring...she emails me for my address and sends this long letter apologizing for being a sh***y friend. We make plans to get together. Two weeks later I get an email (a mass one) saying she's expecting her second kid.

Haven't heard from her since.

Why is it sooooo hard for some people to keep in touch. I'm not asking for marathon conversations like when we were in college, but more than mass emails when something is going on.

Sorry for hijacking the thread. Just needed to rant.

[kimmer23]

you sound like my mom jen. apparently things like this still happen in your 50's as well.

[pisces2473]

Diesel--I think your friend and mine must be twins separated at birth! My friend won't ever admit she's been a crappy friends--she's horribly stubborn like that. So I'll feel bad and that I am in the wrong. Don't worry for hijacking the thread--I feel the same way. You don't have to call me every day like we did in college, but a nice email (with some meat to it) every few weeks would be great.

Kimmer--another thing I have to look forward to. More shitty friends ditching me.

[kimmer23]

my friend and her husband moved to florida last yr and me and alan just visited them about a month ago, but i am beginning to think this maybe will be our last time visiting. why keep up a friendship that isnt really progressing? i feel bad about this and we were the greatest of friends when she lived up here, but things were different when we visited. we dont have as much in common now and she seems a bit snobbier (however you spell that!) because they live in a pretty upscale area. i always have to call her and she doesnt return most of my calls.

i just get pissed i guess that they moved really for no reason at all. their jobs or family didnt make them move. they moved because they wanted to be closer to the beach.

sorry for my rant too....

[paperjam1015]

you should get engaged on your 6000th post! just kidding!

That's friggin hilarious!!!

I you post your engagement here I will personally TRACK layback down just so he can give you hell!!!

[pisces2473]

THAT is how I feel, Kimmer! Friendship not progressing. I have some books that she loaned me and I'm planning on sending them up to her. When I'm finished with the wedding gift I was making (I'm almost done), I'll send that up too. Then that's it. I was telling Chris this plan last night and he agreed (he's never even met her!)...it's not worth dragging something out. I almost want to write her a little note saying, "I'm letting you go...don't feel you HAVE to keep in touch anymore."

[kimmer23]

why dont you post your engagement when the 2nd child comes...hehe! we'll be sending congrats and you'll have been married for like 5-10 yrs already!

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by kimmer23
i just get pissed i guess that they moved really for no reason at all. their jobs or family didnt make them move. they moved because they wanted to be closer to the beach.

sorry for my rant too....
It's okay :)

Why didn't they just move to Ocean City!?

[kimmer23]

i was just wondering if it was wrong to ditch someone like that?

when all our old gang of friends get together my friend carrie (who is the sister of the friend that moved to FL) usually calls our friend in FL and EVERYONE passes the fricken phone around and has to talk to her. it really gets on my nerves sometimes how our other friends dont seem to get bothered by this, but it bothers me. i am not going to kiss someone's ass and go visit THEM all the time when they never come back up to baltimore to visit us. i guess my other friends dont mind crawling up her ass!

[kimmer23]

i guess they think they are too good for ocean city. they moved to naples, FL.

[pisces2473]

I read an article a few years ago about "breaking up with a friend." I mean, sometimes you grow apart naturally...and other times, you still try to keep it up because you don't want to hurt the other person. I feel like saying to her, "Look, don't you think this friendship is going no where? Why keep up the act? If you want to keep in touch, it's fine, but you're not obligated anymore. Good luck."

Okay going home now! I'll be on later :)

[coll214]

I must be the oddball here b/c i have some friends that I talk to MORE now than i did a few years ago.

Granted it seems like the ones that got married and moved away, i hear from once in a blue moon, but as long as they make a minimal effort i don't care.

[heatherf]

Jen- First off, I love your Simpsons quote (can never get enough of those)....

Yah, it's tacky of the girl to send out the mass email announcing her engagement BUT I don't know all the rules on email etiquette. The crappy part is that some people ( I don't know if her) would expect engagement cards/gifts off of the email alone.

BUT put yourself in her shoes just for a sec- if you and Chris got engaged, you'd want to shout it to the world!!!!

The odd part is that she's only an online friend, so that's weird.

About friends- as they say in the movie Rushmore:

"With friends like you, who needs friends?"

[diesel]

Coll mentioned hearing less from married friends...I've had that happen too. But now that I'm almost married I've really made an effort to keep in contact with my single friends. I hate when people drop each other just because of a change in life situation. I figure I'll always need my friends. Some of them know me better than my fiance...who wants to give that up?:p

[pisces2473]

Originally posted by diesel
Coll mentioned hearing less from married friends...I've had that happen too. But now that I'm almost married I've really made an effort to keep in contact with my single friends. I hate when people drop each other just because of a change in life situation. I figure I'll always need my friends. Some of them know me better than my fiance...who wants to give that up?:p
Some really dumb people want to give that up!