taming the green-eyed monster...

[kitalyn414]

... allright, i'm not naturally a jealous or envious person, but i have some issues with my current roommate. i feel like she has set up our relationship as a competition. it seems that any time i have good fortune or get to do something fun, she HAS to one up me.

1st it was when i started dating the guy i am seeing. he's 13 years older and a really great guy. next thing i know, my roommate is dating a guy who is 42. 2nd was when my current guy invited me for a small weekend getaway. she says something like, "oh i wish [joe] would take me away for the weekend. maybe i can get him to take me to santa barbara." sure enough, [joe] takes her to santa barbara within a few weeks... and he takes her in a limo both ways. next good thing that happens to me is my dad taking me to costa rica... (keep in mind that i NEVER travel anywhere). this seems to drive her crazy, so somehow she gets [joe] to take her on a trip to puerto vallarta.

THEN while i was shopping w/ my guy i tried on a dress that he really liked, but i wasn't really willing to spend the $ on. i told him i wasn't going to buy it, so he said that he would buy it for me. i honestly BEGGED him not to buy it (it just feels weird to have someone buy you clothes, imo) saying that i didn't need it, it wasn't worth it, etc., but her persisted. i didn't even tell her about the dress, but i guess she asked HIM about it when we were out later that night. just now she popped me up on aim to say that [joe] showed up at her work because he bought her a replacement for a $100 ring she lost.

it is getting to the point where i can't be happy for any good things that happen to her because i feel like she is just rubbing it in my face. i HATE feeling this way. it is like everything centers around $$ and material goods with her, and i am not really like that. i feel like i have been sucked into this competitive relationship without even knowing it.

any suggestions as to how to handle this kind of situation?

[Crimson King II]

Yeah...live your own life, not hers. And, if necessary, carve her out of yours.

Or you can always just beat her down.

[Skyblade]

I feel you on this one. I have a cousin that is like this. I'll be telling a story to my relatives about something I did and she always one ups me and says she did the exact same thing only better in some way.
Also, with my roommate I feel that way sometimes as well. Like I'll come back from a date and I think she may be jealous that I was out or something and she'll give me these lectures on how to act on dates and stuff, that I shouldn't let guys pay because then they expect something from me. Its gotten to the point where I just don't tell her a lot of stuff anymore.

[Crimson King II]

Skyblade makes a good point. Mob principles.....keep things close to the vest. She can't one-up if she doesn't know where the bar is set.

[kitalyn414]

She can't one-up if she doesn't know where the bar is set. good point.

sometimes i begin to feel like i have gotten myself into a "single white female" situation!!! :eek:

[cheshrcarol]

I had a friend who was a lot like that. If I got a new cell phone, well then she had to get a new and better cell phone. If I got a haircut, she'd say that she had that cut a year ago. And she'd also make snide remarks about stuff that imo she was just jealous about. Needless to say, we're no longer friends.

Oh, and my mom and my aunt are like that to. My parents bought a condo in FL, so my aunt wants to buy "a flat in london". My parents gave my grandfather their '95 Explorer, my aunt gave him her '01 Mercedes! It's starting to drive my mom nuts.

*note to self....in re-reading this I may have discovered where my competitive streak comes from..... ;)

[kimmer23]

well i dont have any direct competition from a roommate like that, but it sure is a pain when your friends try to up you with their stories and experiences all the time.

what is a person to do?

[iwanttoscream]

I think you may be living with my old roommate. I eventually told her to get a life and I moved out. She wasn't a true friend because she could never be happy for me. She would either try to one-up me or put a negative spin on whatever it was. People like that are toxic and they are jealous. Not necessarily because you have more than her but because she wants to be better than everyone. If someone has something she doesn't it makes her feel so inferior that she has to find a way to make herself feel better no matter who she alienates in the process. (I obviously still have issues with this girl and have wasted too much time analyzing why she is the way she is.)

[gluegun]

Sucks for you Kitalyn. You didn't ask to be in this contaminating mess. Usually my advice would be to get as far away from her as possible, but since you live with her that might be a bit hard.

At this point all you can do is recognize that she is rather pathetic, and not let her one-upping get to you.

[kimmer23]

i guess the best thing that you can do is to keep personal stories to yourself. and when she brings up her own stories, just nod your head and move on to another subject. she cant take away your happiness so as long as you are happy with yourself and your life then who cares what she has to say. its obvious that she has low self esteem.

when's her lease up?? hehe!

[bd1222]

I definitely think she is jealous of you and all....Watch that she doesn't cut her hair like you or dress like you! LOL - my friend's steph old roommate was so jealous of her including her chest (I kid u not!) that she got breast implants to be the same size, and she tried to make a move on Steph bfriend - after that - Steph booted her off...

See I really don't have to worry - my roommate is a guy - gets along with my boyfriend really well and looks like tom green - so there is no drama......

I agree with kimmer - don't tell her a word and have your guy not mention anything!!!

[kitalyn414]

Originally posted by bd1222
my friend's steph old roommate was so jealous of her including her chest (I kid u not!) that she got breast implants to be the same size, and she tried to make a move on Steph bfriend - after that - Steph booted her off...:eek: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

my roommate is OBSESSED w/ getting implants!!! when we are going out she will always be like "oh you are so lucky you have boobs," etc. it drives me nuts. i usually just say, "yeah, well i wish i was a size 4." we all have something to offer, huh?

i'm going to shut myself up before i go off on my breast implant rant again.

[iwanttoscream]

How much longer is your lease? Were you good friends before you moved in together? Is her name Kristin? (Just kidding but if it is I say ruuuuuuuuun!)

[midtwenty]

See, I just don't think I would ever have this problem because I would literally ask her "Hey what the fuck is your problem?" No way would I put up with any persnickety behavior. I'm also with CK. Don't make your life an open book. I'm uber-private about a lot of the aspects of my life. The less she knows the less damage she can do. Get away from her as quick as you feasibly can.