How to make a decision 101

[Dorian]

Here's my story...

I'll be 25 in 3 months, I'm unhappily (miserably, really) married, I graduated from college 3 years ago, I have a job that any circus monkey could get and I see no hope in sight. I got married right out of college - I thought that was what I wanted, well after almost 2 years, it's nowhere near what I want. I've spent the last 3 years looking for a job that would require a BA in something(anything) and I still haven't found it. I'm in debt out the behjeezus because of all of my student loans and I can't find a job good enough to pay them. I have to work a part-time job, too if I want to eat or put gas in my car. I was diagnosed with depression about a year ago and have been battling that on top of everything else. So, I have an extreme case of the quarterlife crisis. My dream is to pack up and move to Seattle - but I don't see how I will ever afford to do so.

I'd like to just wipe the slate clean and start over, but it just doesn't work like that. I can't make a decision about what to do with my life.....do I leave my husband and risk losing everything I own and have worked so hard for? Do, I try to go to graduate school, take out more loans, and work 2 jobs in the meantime? Do, I just continue living the way I am - miserable and poor??? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.........

[LMY]

About your money problem...on my good days, here's how I've learned to look at things. I'm always going to owe money. Be it loans, bills, taxes, whatever. It's become a part of my life and I'm sure it always will be. Money will always be taken away from me somehow. I'm learning to realise this and accept it into my life and my budget. Sure, I can't buy the trivial things in life that make the days fun, but I've never been late with a bill or loan payment. And there is something to be proud about that.

[LMY]

About your money problem...on my good days, here's how I've learned to look at things. I'm always going to owe money. Be it loans, bills, taxes, whatever. It's become a part of my life and I'm sure it always will be. Money will always be taken away from me somehow. I'm learning to realise this and accept it into my life and my budget. Sure, I can't buy the trivial things in life that make the days fun, but I've never been late with a bill or loan payment. And there is something to be proud about that.

[Mermaid]

I'm sorry you're so unhappy. I wish I had some advice, but as I told someone else in another post, I'm fresh out. I do have lots of empathy, however.

I'm also in financial trouble -- I just filed for bankruptcy -- and I'm battling an eating disorder (as the result of some past traumas as well as the current stressors). In the past I drowned my sorrows with alcohol abuse, as well. You're not alone in your misery... lol. I guess all I can advise is that you get into therapy (if you're not already), thus finding yourself an objective ear who can give you the professional advice you so desperately need. And if you want to talk to another twentysomething (I'm 25) who understands, drop me an email...

Good luck with figuring it all out.

_________________
-Mermaid-

"Your soul is oftentimes a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against your passion and your appetite." (Kahlil Gibran)

"She knows she's been here too few years to feel this old." (Rob Thomas)

[Anonymous]

This may seem unrelated, but have you ever tried doing yoga? I too was having a very rough time after graduating (last year), and when I started going to yoga classes I noticed a remarkable difference in how I felt and dealt with things; it really helps me stay centered and deal with whatever comes, and to be more in tune with myself. Maybe it will work fo you too!

Good luck,
molly

[supreme]

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I too ahve been recently diagnosed with depression. Just know that you are not alone!

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

[Unregistered]

TO begin with you need to talk to your husband and understand why you are so miserable in this marriage. WHat has happened in this relationship to bring you here? Is it because you are so unhappy with yourself or is it something he has actualy done?

I too suffered from clinical depression and got outside help. IT works best if done with therapy. Well if you can't afford therapy (like me) then you can start a Gratitude Journal. Its just a normal looking journal and everyday you write five thing you are grateful for. They can be small (like that great meal you just had, or sleep, or a good book you just read). IT can be anything. Anything you feel grateful for. (If your still in the midst of the depression this may be hard.) Anyway, I did this and it DRASTICALLY changed my life. IT switched my perspective from focusing on the negative to seeing the positive. So much of life is perception. How you perceives things. Try it for a week at the very least and see how it affects you.

And about the marriage...really talk with him. He is probably as miserable as you, and doesnt know what to do. If he has hurt you or made you feel neglected tell him that. Or if your better with words write him a letter and leave it for him. Some people can explain their feelings better in words than in person.

And please understand that moving will NOT improve anything. Many people move because they feel their life will get better but moving to a new city has its own problems. No job, no friends, no support. You don't know where anything is. You constantly get lost (literally). You don't know where to live. ANd when you do find a place it takes forever to get use to the "new arrangement." Moving is one of the most stressful things in life. I know....I move recently....Your problems will follow you where ever you go. So deal with them where you are. That's the best advise I could give you.