Help; 'crush' question

[Unregistered]

This may be kinda lengthy... please bear with me here...

I have know this guy for several years. At that time (about three years ago) he lived about 7 hours away from me. We would get together every couple of months for a weekend and hang out and always had a great time. At that time i told him i liked him and would like to be more serious. He said he couldn't commit to a long distance relationship and that he wasnt ready for that. I understood that and we continued on with our occasional weekend flings. Now i live about 3 hours away. We still do the weekend thing. More recently i went to see him. He left his journal laying open at his house. While he was outside, i was gathering my stuff to leave and i noticed my name in the journal. Now i have to admit, i was totally wrong, i shouldnt have looked at it... but when you innocently look down and notice your name staring right at you... well, anyway i read what was on that page. He had made a comment about liking me and that he wouldnt let me go this time. Obviously i never said anything to him. I just kept waiting thinking he might bring it up. Well now here it is... months later and i still think about it. We still get together every couple of months and i am just wondering if i should say something about it or maybe just tell him again how i feel about him... though im sure he already knows i still feel the same.

Advice... suggestions?

[Jayesh]

Your post made me smile.. This is so cute!!! I think he's waiting for you to make the first move. Maybe he's thinking that you have changed your mind. It doesnt hurt to try, does it?

Best of luck
Jay

[Phoenix]

My 2 cents:

I'm a little bothered by the fact that he has not said anything to you or made any sort of move, if he was intent on "not letting you go this time." I mean, it's been months, years, and nothing???

My thoughts are: either he's playing games (maybe trying to 'stake a claim'? when he doesn't have one b/c he hasn't brought up having a relationship of any sort to you), he's just plain shy, or (like Jay said) he's thinking you've changed your mind. If you think he's just shy or he's hesitating b/c he told you 'No thanks' once already, then I would consider going for it. (Although I'm kind of disappointed that he hasn't made a move b/c it shouldn't always be you to be the one to put yourself out there!)

Perhaps it is the distance that's holding him back, but if that's the case, it's a pretty poor reason. I mean, you guys have seen each other on and off for years w/ a larger distance than you have now. Perhaps it is also that he is just not willing to make a committment. Does he date others besides you? (That you know about?) If he dates others, I'd be wary about him being a player...in which case he will probably shy away from any sort of committment.

[Flippin]

Jayesh.... i feel like i have already made the first move... i almost feel like i am beating a dead horse by telling him again.

Phoenix.... im sure he has dated others.. i mean gosh, its been a couple years... we both have... though i dont think he has seriously... (i may be wrong).... I dont feel like he is a game player... he seems pretty genuine...

I honestly believe he cares for me in some way or another... im just afraid to put myself out on a limb like that again after him not wanting to try one time.... even though its been a few years..... i feel like the ball is in his court. In some ways i feel this sounds silly but i honestly think i would move to be closer to him if he was willing to try to make something out of our relationship.

Im just stuck on what to do.....

[Phoenix]

Understandable that you're stuck...I mean, you want something to happen but you don't want to be the one to do it b/c you've already put yourself out there before.

The ball is in his court, so I'd say to wait on him to make the move if you don't want to. If he doesn't have the guts to put himself out there even though he's confessed in his journal that he's not going to let you go this time, then I think he doesn't know when jump on a good thing (or at least make an effort) when he's got it right in front of him. Maybe he's still not ready to make that kind of move...who knows. At any rate, I think you've put yourself out there enough and he should have enough of a clue that you're interested.

If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. But I'd wait on moving anywhere until you know it's absolutely a sure thing. You may be miserable otherwise.

[notr2d2]

Did you mention to him that you would move closer to him if he was willing to commit to a relationship? Maybe worth a try; can't hurt or it may. I'm the last person to give advice on this subject since I'm scared to painful extremes to make romantic connections. Just a thought. Hope things work out!