Just a question for anyone out there

[NICn'Colorado]

Are any of you having old insecurities (like from high school or early college years) come up in your life now, like out of no where? Stuff that you thought you were so done with and more confident about. It could have been a combination of drinks, but I’m still bothered by it today…and this happened Friday. I know I need to drop it cause the same thing happened a few weeks ago and it didn't even bother me, so why this weekend did it?

Guess I could say what happened...
well, I have been dating this guy for almost a month now and he met my friends and I out on Friday night. Well, (yes I had a bit to much to drink) but i felt like he was hitting on my friend. I know now he wasn't and it was totaly nothing. He did this the last time we went out. And really guys it was nothing...it was him talking to her about me and just getting to know her sense she is my friend.....
I so what i think is sense back in high school and in college I had two girlfriends who hit on my boyfriend at the time and hid it from me... So there is the insecurity....but mind you it's been about 4 years sense that happened. and then in highschool

[crazy-girl]

Well, I think everyone has those insecurities and that they are probably never too far below the surface. The way I see it, when we're in high school and jr. high, we're developing as people and when something happens during that time, it can affect our views of ourselves.

Deep down I always sort of picture myself as the chubby girl in the red glasses even though that was in 8th grade. I didn't attract the men in high school or jr. high and it took a long time for me to get my confidence up around men because the "good-looking crazy_girl" never developed in my head.

So, I think we've all been there and the alcohol doesn't help it. I remember asking my boyfriend what first attracted him to me and he said it was my sense of humor and that just infuriated me because I was hoping he'd say "You were just so pretty" so I turned this into meaning that he's not at all physically attracted to me, yada yada yada. It wasn't pretty. Once I sobered up the next day I realized how ridiculous it was. Sort of. Deep down I really wish he'd said "You were totally hot" and then I also know that if he had said that I would have wanted to hit him. It's a no win situation.

[Antonina]

Don't worry, I do the same! - especially lately when I have been a bit under the weather with studies. And I am the most jealous person I know. The way I have "dealt" with that with my boy is by telling him that straight up, from the start, so he is aware. I realise that not every boy is that understanding and tolerant of insecurities, but I really think that it helps to say, "look, I realise that I can be really jealous sometimes, especially when these sorts of situations occur, and I promise I'll try my best not to be but I'd like it if you could help me out too". What that has done, I think, is made my boyfriend be more aware of what might set me off and maybe try and back off on the trigger behaviours a little, or tone them down. For instance, maybe your boy can develop a conscious habit of, say, holding your hand whenever he talks to girlfriends of yours- maybe that would make you feel better. Maybe? And that is not too much to ask, surely- unless he hates touchy-feely things in public! But maybe you get my gist.

Alcohol, premenstrual tension and other stresses are definitely the worst for bringing out the old skeletons too! Alcohol can be toned down, but there is little you can do about stresses. Just try talking to your boy and see if you can get him to help you feel better in "danger" times

[Unregistered]

So it really is impossible for the guy to avoid saying the wrong thing. In response to the last post - I don't think it is a good idea to request that the S.O. always be "attached at the hip" when talking to someone else. First a relationship should be built on trust - and the suggestion in the last post defeats this notion. Second it makes the person he's talking to feel like the third wheel and possibly resentful.


Originally posted by crazy-girl

I remember asking my boyfriend what first attracted him to me and he said it was my sense of humor and that just infuriated me because I was hoping he'd say "You were just so pretty" so I turned this into meaning that he's not at all physically attracted to me, yada yada yada. It wasn't pretty. Once I sobered up the next day I realized how ridiculous it was. Sort of. Deep down I really wish he'd said "You were totally hot" and then I also know that if he had said that I would have wanted to hit him. It's a no win situation. [/B]

[NIC\'enColorado]

The more I'm thinking about it...i think it was due to the drinks and it just brought it out of me. I have talked to him and explained it to him ..and he was nothing but sweet about it...it was just I never thought i would be like that.. I don't recall much of the night but what my best friend told me...
I have to agree and think that what did happen to us back in those jr. high and high school years play a big part to our fears now... it's so said but at the same time it makes sense...ya know
Good to know i'm not going nuts a bout it. I'm really not like that at all... oh He is very touchy with me to the point where I have to tell him to stop some times. but in all he is still there and it made us closer..and it made me realize i do really like him and i made a fool out of my self!

[Antonina]

I guess I didn't mean be joined at the hip all the time, just maybe subtle gestures, just enough to reassure. And it doesn't mean you can't be weaned off it once you've gotten over things too!:)

It all depends on what you are comfortable with. It's all very well to say that trust should be enough when the trust is all ok and intact- it's when it's a bit wobbly that you can do little things to build it back. That's what I think anyway.
:p

[Jayesh]

I think the idea of holding hands or maybe some gesture that assures the S.O is a good one, in situations like these, espescially in the initial phase of the relationship. I agree with the Unregistered poster that there has to be trust, but you cannot start trusting someone from day one!! Trust has to be built, and it takes time

[Undercover]

If a guy really likes you, he will try to get in with your friends... meaning he'll be friendly with them and want to get to know them!! Something very important in a relationship is becoming friendly with your boyfriend/girlfriend's friends!! This is all innocent and you have nothing to worry about! :)

[NICn'Colorado]

I am starting to see that now undercover. He even told me thats what he is doing and I do want that. I'm friends with all of my girlfreinds husbands. I'm looking at the night it must have been the drinks and made old feelings come up. You know what they say, sometimes it's good to have a fight over nothing to see how the two work it out or if one runs..and all this did was make us closer....but man it's still too new to tell anything it's only been 3 weeks, well this is our 4th week.