theory - how to get out of rut?

[Antonina]

I have a (bit of a silly) theory I want to get peoples' opinions on. Feel free to criticise- I have yet to feel completely convinced... here goes:

To be happy in life, I presume you need to have your most important needs met, which varies from person to person. To sort out your most important needs, you can make a list of your top priorities- the things that you know really matter to you. And then you focus on making sure that you are actively fulfilling or at least doing something that contributes towards satisfying as many of those needs as you can at any point in time. I wonder if that would work? (I do realise it is awfully contrived, but perhaps it could be a useful starting point for those of us who feel like we are in a rut or QLC...like myself)...

[Unregistered]

It's cmsmith26...I didn't log in, 'cuz I forgot my password.

I totally agree. You have to have a real, tangible goal. Think about it...while we were in college, the goal was to do well on the next exam, paper, lab, etc. Ultimately, our goal was to get our degree. We had a plan. It's just that it was pretty much laid out for us. Now, the tricky part is creating our own plan. We don't have a course catalog to guide us. It's gonna take some work, but I know we can do it. If you graduated college, at least you were disciplined (somewhat) enough for 4+ years.

We need to do a lot of self-evaluation/introspection--and be very honest with ourselves. It's not selfish. It's necessary.

Good luck to all & I am praying for everyone on this site.

CSmith

[CAT11]

The rut is a pain in the butt!
Antonia, I think there is lots of research about this. I just read this book called Three Black Skirts, All you need to survive, by Anna Johnson (an Aussie, I think) and it was hilarious. Made me feel smart, sexy, and confident, despite my own eccentrics.

I am in a rut as well, and I have been doing a lot of intentional praying/meditation searching for answers. I went on a walk this morning and came back and made a list of things that are important to me, as well as ones that aren't. And reasons for why I work (or am looking for work). It was very good to get it all out. An ephiany, if you will.

I am reading the What Color is Your Parachute book. Worthwhile.

[M4A1]

Right on, Antonina.

Let me share a story to you all. This one is from a book that I read:

Assume that your life is an empty bottle, and your goals are represented by rocks. Some rocks are small and some are big. Each time you achieve a goal, a rock will go into the bottle.

Now, you can fill your bottle with all small rocks. It's a given that smaller rocks will go in easier than the bigger ones. Some people may even prefer filling their bottle with just the smaller rocks. However, filling the bottle with smaller rocks does not leave much room for the bigger rocks, if any at all.

There are plenty of rocks out there. You have to identify what to fit into your bottle. What may work for most, may not work for you.

Do not consider being idle. Because idleness does not exist. Meeting your basic needs, for example, are goals in itself, working at a lowly position to get by-- just so that you can sit on the couch and watch TV or hang out with friends on the weekends-- are goals themselves. You are unknowingly putting rocks into your bottle, if you wish it, or let it continue this way, this bottle can be filled without you taking control of it.

Now, you have a choice. Just by being conscience of this metaphor, you are already in a good position. But it is the action that you develop that matters. Yes, we are in QLC. We can let QLC bog us down, or start taking constructive steps. Sitting on my a$$ and feel sorry for myself does not help the situation. To help the situation, you must take control of the situation.

So I choose taking steps, I'm not even going to think about QLC, what about you?

[drifter]

I agree with Antonina's original post that you have to work out your priorities and set goals to an extent.
It is tricky though.
The goals you set in college, ie to pass the next exam, are short term and you can be sure by the time the goal must be met, you will still have the desire to achieve the goal. So by the time of the exam you will still want to pass it (says me who desperately wants to pass the exam I sat today :))

Anyway, but if you are making long term goals like "I am 25 now and want kids by 35" how do you know at 35 you wont turn around and go "screw that - I am in my mid-thirties, at the peak of my career and dont want to give it up" or else you wont have a partner with whom to have kids? (Thats just an example of a goal someone might have).

Alternatively if you want to be CEO of whatever by 40, how do you know you wont burn out at 32 and give up that goal?

I dont reckon you can plan beyond 3 years in much detail cos you change, and your circumstances change in unpredictable ways.

The other problem with planning for a lot of us is we dont know what our priorities are. There is sort of the hangover from our parents generation of wanting the picket-fence and family, then there is the drive to get to the top at work and the drive to travel and experience things. How the hell do you know what your priorites out of those 3 critical things are?
How can we be expected to give any of those up?
Aren't they all so critical to us? (That is the way most of us grow up now....)
Planning your life is such a tough challenge!.....Maybe its even impossible (??)

[Unregistered]

my old roomate and i had a similar plan. we used to joke and say we were going to focus on baby steps. people get so overwhelmed by the fact that they are in a rut, that they become powerless to help themselves. but if you can small goals and achieve them, then you will feel better about yourself. you will also have a clearer vision of what you want.
find someone you can talk to about it- like the people on this board. set small goals for yourself. it will not happen immediately, but after two years, we are both much better off and much happier.