Is anyone gay out there????

[Unregistered]

I have been reading these posts for weeks now...

I am always reading about the dynamics between men & women...never about same sex relationships. Is there anyone here (a member or not) that is gay or lesbian??? I too, want someone to relate to. I relate on so many other levels but it would be nice to know that I could also relate in this area as well.

I feel you all on so many other posts (QLC, Work, Dreams, & Life) ~ but I feel like Play only ever gets woman looking for Mr. right & vice versa...???

Anyone???

[Antonina]

This is probably completely useless to you, cos I am not gay. But I have seen your post for a while now, and it felt wrong that it was left to hang... I am actually wondering if other gay people have visited this part of the forum and been put off, like yourself, by the predominance of hetero discussions. Are you still visiting? Perhaps if you hang around and keep posting, i) other gay people will join up too, or ii) you can just talk to the rest of us anyway. :)

[Jayesh]

One would think that issues like coming out would compound the QLC of someone who is gay. It's funny why no one has mentioned it before on the message boards??

[Jayesh]

I had read somewhere that most bi people do not commit themselves to a particular sex, but to a particular person. It does not really matter that what sex that person happens to be, as long as the person's right for them

[Ichthus182]

I would like to say I am Gay as well. I am actually dealing with it alot lately I find it hard with what i am doing as a profession to come out of the closet. I think I will just stay in here for a while. I like it here. But then again I had a very rough time growing up with my parent I think I was mentally abused by them. I woke up the other morning and I was like you know what I have never been really loved. I would love to find some one to help me along in my job and give me that support that I need. I just knwo it can be hard to tlak to straight people all the time and they just don't knwo what is going on or how they should deal with it. Well I am here if any one wants to talk.

Ichthus182

[sfmike]

Well, I'm glad to see others in the QLC are gay as well...It's a wierd place to be. I am living in the gay Mecca of the world, but I've found I turn to self medication in ways that aren't necessarily the best way to get through it.

I came out to my parents, after I went on a bit of a drinking binge (weren't those supposed to end in college?!?!?!) a year ago. I visited home, after having moved to the Bay Area to find myself, and went out because I couldn't deal with my intollerant family. I come from a family with an older and younger gay brother, yet I am the only one who is out.

My family, to this day, let's me know that my lifestyle "choices" are inexplicable, and that has carried over into other facets of my life. I recently visited home, only to find articles placed in the bottom of my bag (among the Nicorette I use to cover up the fact that I smoke to deal with stuff) that were anti gay and very hurtful.

So, anyhow, I'm managing, in a way...I'm in a relationship that is not getting much better after six months, and I've lost many of my friends through the past year. I don't think that I'm much different as a person, just living miles aways in a more callous environment, and having a very hard time valuing myself when so many others could give a Sh&* about me.

I do have faith in the future, and in myself. I'm starting a vigorous training and wellness fit starting in two days, and I look forward to it. I think now more than ever, that a good inward look at myself might be in order. I need desparately to be in a different place career wise, financially wise, and every other wise way you can think. Anybody who would like to chat about a similar experience, please let me know!

Mike:confused:

[sunbear]

Hi Mike,
I'm not gay or anything buy I wanted to respond to your post. The parent thing is hard- I've been scapegoated by mine for a few reasons, I think some parents do not understand unconditional love- Maybe it's not life that has you down- maybe it;s because your heartbroken- :(

[sunbear]

Hi Mike,
I wanted to elaborate on my last post. I was at work and wrote it in a rush.
Our parents are such a big factor in our lives, when they cannot accept us for what and who we are- the good with the bad, it makes our lives harder. I wish I could have had their support, I look around at all of these people who were able to go further, or have an adult conversation with their parents and know they have their unconditional love and support. That support we had from our parents falls through when they don't know how to handle an issue we go through. Sometimes I feel guilty. And at the same time I feel the disappointed and hurt. I know my parents are only human, my mother somewhat culturally stuck to fully comprehend or accept what life is like. She's a brilliant woman but I would love to go to her for guidance and support, in some cases it's just not there. And the fact that you have to hide your pain (ie. the nicorette) isn't helping you out any. I don't think you're parents want you out, but at the same time- your still their son and a person with feelings and emotions. Why do people think that such hurt and negativity will get the other party to listen?
If you can, you should really try to come to some compromise with them- without compromising yourself.
Anyways, you say you live in SF? Did you always live in California or did you move from somewhere else? What do you think of it? I moved to San Diego over 2 years ago and I'm so curious as to what the city is like. Please do tell! How is the shopping? The music scene?
:p
But anyways, I think you're optimism is wonderful. I've heard that everything falls into place after a while. Please let us/me know when it does for you!

[CAT11]

Just a few random, late night parent thoughts.

I was 8 when my uncle died of AIDs. I remember everyone said for the longest time he had died of cancer. Found out the truth in 7th grade. He was my favorite uncle. A great guy. His partner still to this day keeps in touch with my grandparents. Has tested HIV negative for all these years.

Not to relate being gay to having AIDS, it just correlates with my experience.

I think as people, we all have dreams we want to accomplish. I wonder if when we reach the point where we can't attain them, we pass them on to our children. We take everything we have never accomplished, all the dreams we never saw through, and we dump them unknowingly on our offspring. Our children progress through life, trying to find themselves, never knowing mom pushed so hard in ballet because she never got to be the prima ballerina, or dad was relentless about soceer because he had a accident that ruined his career as Pele. Who knows? All I know is, sometimes we get stuck with our parents leftovers.

Your parents probably want grandchildren to carry on their lineage, and suddenly feel that is no longer a possibility. If they are uneducated, they think being gay is automatically an HIV sentance, and they imagine Philadephia playing out in their quite little lives while all the neighbors gawk and watch. (Suddenly, you are Tom Hanks). Even if you don't get AIDS, they think about what the neighbors say at the supermarket. "Did you hear that the Smith's oldest boy is GAY?!!!" and so on and so forth.

So here is where the tough part comes in. Over a period of time, your relationship with your parents changes. It goes from a parent/child thing, to a parent/adult child thing. It is usually rough for everyone involved. Takes awhile for everyone to get comfortable in thier new roles. Sometimes you want to be an adult, other times, you still act like a kid. It's just a part of growing up. But this is where you need to set boundries with your parents. Tell them you can't come and see them if they insist on placing anit-gay material in your presence. Or meet in public places for meals. Not as a punishment, but as a tool for you to keep yourself healthy. Let them know you are human being, and will be treated as such. They don't have to live your life, they don't have to like it. They just have to respect who you are. Consider giving them some info on support groups for parents with gay children. Might help them to feel less alone.

And lastly, don't change or hide because of them or anyone else. You are who you are, no apologies accepted. Good luck.