Spinoff poll - meeting the fam

[wordsmith]

I've found that different people have different perceptions about meeting the family of somebody they're dating...what do you think?

[paperjam1015]

well, depends on the person. Personally I don't introduce guys to my family unless we have been dating awhile. But I know that to some people it is not a big deal.

[Tayl405]

If my parents didn't live so far away, they'd meet everyone I know just because we're pretty close and my parents are cool. My friends and boyfriends have always gotten along very well with them.

My boyfriend still hasn't introduced me to his parents, which sometimes bothers me. He keep saying he will, and that the reason he hasn't isn't because of me but because of them, but I don't know. I'm just being patient. He said the last girl he brought home was 6 years ago (he was 19) and the girl asked his dad if he thought my boyfriend was ready for marriage(!). He FREAKED out, lol, as any normal person would (keep in mind they'd only been together for a month or two). I think that has something to do with it.

[gluegun]

I definitely think it is a big deal to meet somebody's parents. That is probably because I avoid bringing a guy home as long as humanly possible. I hate introducing guys to the folks!

[Tayl405]

Why do you hate introducing them to your parents?

Does it have anything to do with HIM as to why it takes you so long?

[wordsmith]

See for me, it's absolutely no big deal for somebody to meet my parents, and it doesn't mean anything, other than, "Hey, these are my parents."

I'm ultra close to my family, I spend tons of time around them, and it's rare that a day goes by that I don't talk to one of them, or a few days that I don't see one of them. Odds are, if you hang with me more than once or twice, my family's going to be in some way on the scene. So it's not like, oooh, meeting the family, such a big step!!! We just spend a lot of time together...I figure I won't always be living in such close proximity to them, I'd better make the most of what time I do have with them.

But I noticed that the past couple of guys I've dated seemed to read more into it, or get anxious about it. It's made me want to hold back before introducing someone to my family, just because I don't want to make the dude uncomfortable. But it doesn't come naturally...I'd actually feel weird NOT introducing someone to my family, because I'd have to make a special effort NOT to, and it would look and feel like I was hiding something.

Likewise, I wouldn't think it was some kind of big milestone thing if I met a guy's family. If they DIDN'T WANT to introduce me to their family, though, I probably wouldn't date them very long.

[gluegun]

Why do you hate introducing them to your parents?

I don't like introducing them to my parents because my parents read WAY too much into it. For starters, my dad immediately dislikes all of the men my sister and I bring home. He immediately greets them with suspicion. It is like he has this alpha-male complex and he doesn't like any other gorillas near his women. He doesn't even like them in his house.

My mom, in contrast, is OVERLY friendly. She immediately wants to give them a big hug and say "welcome to the family!". She is in a mad dash to marry me off so every time I mention a new guy she asks if he is "the one". If my parents could just be sane, and laid back, and reasonable then I wouldn't have to hide people from them..

Does it have anything to do with HIM as to why it takes you so long?

I guess this is also the case. However, only in the sense that my parents are so hyper-critical. After my mom met my current boyfriend she immediately went into "make-over" mode and told me that I need to buy him some shoes that "aren't so dorky".

[Tayl405]

I'm getting scared to meet my boyfriend's parents now! lol

[wordsmith]

I guess because my family is so unfailingly cool, it never occurs to me that the idea of meeting them would induce anxiety to the poor uninitiated guy in the abstract.

[and1grad]

glue,
My mom is the same way. Minus the gorilla. But she talks all this big game about me having a gf and when i bring one in she practically treats her like an ex-con. Only-child syndrome, i think. Meeting parents has never been a big deal for me.

[Skyblade]

I don't really enjoy introducing guys to my family either. Mostly because they'll probably make some crude remark and embarass me in front of the boy. A lot of my values and beliefs are different from most of my family, so its always hard hanging out with them regardless of whether a boy is there w/ me.

[WeirdBrake]

I met my girlfriend's parents not too long ago. They were nice. Though I did take a barb for not liking Italian food. :p

[coll214]

For me, there's a process. I hang out w/ my sister all the time, so they would obviously meet her first. But otherwise, if we've been seeing each other awhile, then Mom- who is very wary of any guy i bring over, but is tolerable. Ahh yes, then Dad- half my friends haven't met him since they've heard the horror stories, so going over there would be a big deal. I don't usually have him meet people b/c he's overly critical and will probally be rude, or turn into a nice guy around them and then once they're gone....

[pisces2473]

Note to self: don't go on Coll's dad's boat, no matter how nice it sounds...

;)

[coll214]

LOL... nah, there's just a test first :D

[MOS9904]

I hate introducing people to my parents. My family tends to not like people around other than me, which makes it hard. They also tend to make it very formal---where (when I lived at home) He would have to come to the door, come inside, sit on the couch with them....
They would say hello but not be friendly.
And the poor guy had to go through all this ON the first date----or I couldnt walk out the door.

When I dated a guy in college, my mother insisted that she meet him ASAP---which as usual turned out to be a disaster---its never on my terms...my parents NEED to meet someone if I am hanging around them---because if I talk about them and they havent met him they think Im hiding something and they are mean to me about it....and then after they meet the guy----they usually hate him anyway. =)

[wordsmith]

My parents have only ever disliked one guy I ever dated...they said he was untrustworthy, hiding something, and would hurt me. They were right! Other than that one case, they have utmost respect for my judgment, and would never be uncool to anyone I brought around.

[shimmer728]

My parents can be really cheesy. My mom insisted on showing my boyfriend my dorky pictures from high school and giving him a tour of the house. When I brought him home, Mom and my two sisters were perched excitedly on the sofa in the living room. So Brady Bunch.

Other than that, though, they aren't TOO embarrassing. ;)

[gluegun]

My family tends to not like people around other than me, which makes it hard.

That is probably the main reason why I don't bring guys around. My dad totally resents it. Even though my sister and I are 25 and 27 he still thinks that he gets to maintain this little family of four. He'll even go out of his way to, say, have a family dinner (and specifically say that SOs are not invited).