Unfriendly colleagues.....

[milly77]

Can anyone offer some good advice?

I started a new job 2 months ago working for a small company. Generally the work is ok but the problem is that I'm finding it really lonely and my colleagues are unfriendly.

Some of the people in other offices here are are pleasant enough but my colleagues do not make any effort to chat or create a good working atmosphere. Often our office is in silence for hours! I don't expect to come to work every day and have a party but a bit of social interaction would be good....is this normal???

I've been here for 2 months and feel as if I have made no progress making friends or even breaking the ice with my colleagues. One in particular is really unfriendly - I try to be friendly and chat to him but he generally ignores me. Admittedly, he is a complete moron with no sense of humour so I know I should not care but he still makes the effort to suck up to our boss and chat to my other co-workers. Meanwhile he is so rude to me and I'm wondering whether this is a personal dislike or whether it's because I'm new? I'm quite a laid-back and friendly person so this has never happened to me before - I'm very confused!

Should I confront him about it and ask what his problem is or do I just lie low and hope the situation gets better......I just can't stand being lonely and miserable at work.

[Mina]

As one who is an "unfriendly colleague," when I ignore my coworkers it is because I'm either engrossed in my work, in a bad mood, or cannot be bothered with someone's annoying mannerisms.

It drives me up the wall when I'm trying to get something done, and someone who can't find anything productive to do tries to engage me in a conversation I can't pay attention to. Even in my best mood, I tend to be brusque when I talk; so when I'm annoyed, my simple "I'm busy" comes across as blunt, rude, and bitchy. Unfriendly colleague, Exhibit A.

Sometimes it has nothing to do with the situation or the person, I'm just in a bad mood. Blame it on not having enough food to eat at my desk, blame it on hormones from birth control, blame it on the wrong person being voted off of American Idol the night before, goshdurnit. For whatever reason, when I'm in a bad mood, I keep to myself. It's best for all involved. If I talk to someone, I'll say something mean, and interacting with others when not necessary to get the job done requires too much energy when I want to wallow in self pity. So I wear my bitch face and stare at my computer all day. Unfriendly colleague, Exhibit B.

Sometimes I just dislike the other person. The guy who sits next to me talks too much, is self-absorbed, and has the most grating country drawl. Listening to him makes my ears bleed. So naturally, I tend to cut short any conversation we may have. Unfriendly colleague, Exhibit C.

And sometimes, I just don't have anything interesting to say. And since I don't have patience for idle chitchat ("Gee, it sure is warm today"), that just means I'm not worth talking to at the moment.

So my advice is that if you feel like you're getting the cold shoulder, try approaching your coworkers when they aren't visibly busy or preoccupied. Offer a piece of chocolate (or better yet, bring bagels or donuts and leave them in a common area so people can gather), say something interesting (compliments are very interesting), see where it goes. And unless you spit when you talk or have some other egregious habit, don't take it personally if you aren't warmly received. It can take time. There are people I didn't say more than a few words to for months and months, and they are now among my closest work buddies. Like real life friendships, business friendships take time to grow.

[iwanttoscream]

I have been in the same situation myself. One of my coworkers sounds like the above coworker. I have never been able to break the ice cold exterior and after a while I just didn't give a shit. It turned out that no one liked her anyway. My other coworkers were unsure of me and it just took a little while for us to scope each other out. We all get along now (except for the resident witch) - I would just give it time and keep being friendly. If someone decides not to like you because of something you can't control (your accent, the color of your eyes, etc.) then there is nothing you can do about it and you should move on. If it doesn't get better then I would start looking for another job. Sometimes workplaces are so overrun with negativity that they will never be a pleasant place to work.