friends at work - too sticky?

[banshee]

hi there. I work in a company that has a lot of young people in it. For the most part I really like who I work with but I feel like I've been burned by these friendships in the past.

As much fun as I may have with people during the work day, I've found these same good friends can be total flakes outside of work. I've stopped inviting them out on personal time and no longer extend invitations to parties or events.

I've also noticed that there is much less professionalism among people who think that they are your buddy - suddenly they can't handle stress well and behave poorly.

Just wonder if anyone else has noticed this? Sometimes I feel badly about it because I work with some genuinely cool people. But on the other hand I feel like there is only so much non-work time to go around and I'd rather spend it with people that I'm already friends with.

[Phoenix]

That's why you have to be a good judge of character & choose your work friends carefully. People who can't separate work vs. friendship relationships will never be good 'work' friends. Because you'll run into problems.

[wordsmith]

Just a guess, but maybe it's different depending on things like the size of the workplace, etc.? I've only worked in very small, intimate workplaces, and it's natural that I become friends with these coworkers, in most places. And it's transferred over well to outside-of-work friendships. Maybe I'm just lucky.

[shimmer728]

It's funny--I have some good friends from my old newspaper, and we hang out so often that I have my old workplace's number on my cell phone speed dial!:D But then, I'm a big dork. I see no problem with making friends at work. I found I had a lot in common, not surprisingly, with the young reporters at my old job.

I would caution you against dating any of them, though. I had a brief fling/drunken hook-up with one guy and since then, we've never really gotten along.

[wordsmith]

Man, I wish there WERE other young reporters at my paper! Woefully absent. Well, there's my sports guy, but he's an asshat most of the time.

I'm pretty much left to fraternize with the cutie photographer from the rival daily...oooooh.....

[shimmer728]

LOL--the guy I dated was a sports guy. I think he singlehandedly defines the term "asshat."

[wordsmith]

They always are, shimmer, they always are. Me, if I'm gonna date somebody in the biz, I'm gonna have to go with a photographer or graphic designer every time.

[pisces2473]

I found that a lot of the people at my work flaked out on me too--I'd invite them to lunch or out after work, and no one would show. So I stopped asking them and barely talked to them. (This was within the first year of working there.) We have more young people now and they are better but we don't do too much. Eat lunch together, send emails, chat at our desks...

[MOS9904]

I think it depends on the work environment. If your work does social things that gather people in a more informal setting, sometimes its easier to get to know people on another level.

Im exposed to so many people around here so I usually get the bar invites during the week. I go, not only to go but also to get to know these people on a different level other than work mode.

This has created friendships outside of work that are solid, and we know how to seperate work and social.

They invite me to their parties and vice versa, we check on one another when we are out sick, celebrate B-days, and talk about social events we have been to with our other friends.

My work friends have met my non work friends and have become friends with one another----its been a great experience.

I dont even label my work friends as work friends any more----they are my friends.
If I were to leave my job tomorrow, I know they would all still be invovled in my life.

But---back to the first post-----maybe its the type of people you are hanging around? I know many of the young people at this company bitch constantly, dont know how to handle things and gossip----which is why I hang out with the people that are my age or a bit older (think 27-37)
You are luck to work with a group of younger people, keep chatting up people, you might find a niche!
Good luck.