"grown up" co-workers

[NoFuture]

I am 22. Other than the 18-year-old temp I am the youngest person in my office. I rarely think about my age in relation to my co-workers. Many of them are in their late-twenties and early-thirties and a bunch more are around middle-age.

Apparently, my co-workers think that because they are older than me they are qualified to comment on how I should be feeling about my life.

EXAMPLES:

"What do you mean you're tired? You're too young to be tired! What will you do when you're my age? You don't know what tired is! I'M tired. I'M [insert age]!"

Oh gee. I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I was not entitled to be tired. Never mind that I work harder and longer than most of you "grown ups." I forgot we kids are supposed to have BOUNDLESS energy.


"Oh, you're getting married? Well, that's stupid. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce *self-satisfied chuckle at stupid joke* Just make sure your wedding doesn't cost more than your divorce!"

WTF? Just because you're bitter and obviously repressed DOES NOT mean you are in any position to judge me and my relationship. For one thing, the person who made this comment had been here ONE WEEK. Sorry, you are in not position to even COMMENT on my personal life let alone JOKE about it! I don't even know you!

"Well, it's easier for you. You don't have to worry about bills as much since you still live at home."

Actually, I have my own apartment and pay my own bills thank you. My mom lives several hundred miles away in a one bedroom apartment and she certainly can't afford to be giving me any hand-outs. Perhaps you assume that I have lots of disposable income because when I come to work I am dressed appropriately and NOT in scrubs/sweats/jeans like the rest of you?

"Can you stay late tonight/tomorrow/any time I ask? You are young and don't have a family so I assume I can make you stay until 8 pm any time I want because I can't imagine any reason why you need to hurry home."

Guess what? Just because I don't have a clutter of wailing brats waiting for me at home doesn't mean I can work indefinitely into all hours of the night. This also doesn't mean I can work on holidays and weekends. I have a life and it includes coming home at a reasonable hour, eating a nice dinner, taking care of my humble abode and relaxing before I have to wake up and come back to this crappy job and deal with all this bullshit AGAIN!

[tartytwenty]

Yea, all my coworkers are 10 years or more older. Yes yes, and all have rugrats. Some have rugrats MY age! LOL

Stick to your guns, we have lives too. I have my 'babies' ...my pets to care for.

You know, they sometimes grab my hand looking for a ring, and I think that's rude too. You aren't alone!

But I'm always kinda smiling! Being the youngest is kinda a fun title.

[WeirdBrake]

Holy crap, NF, do people actually say stuff like that to you? Geez, has everyone pretty much abandoned the lost arts of common courtesy, etiquette, proper boundaries, and respectfulness??!!!

[kimmer23]

NF,

i definitely know what you mean. especially the one about being tired. at a previous job i had, i worked about 35 hrs a week and went to school full time and they would bitch since i actually worked less hrs than them. i was still there quite a bit for being a full time student. but it was ok for them to bitch because all they did when they got home was maybe a load of laundry or 2, then they could sit on their ass for the rest of the night. i had to worry about studying for exams for the next day and finishing reports.

and the marriage thing...my friend's uncle is the same way...all bitter and couldnt understand why i wanted a fairly traditional wedding. well if he werent an alcoholic, he probably wouldnt have screwed his marriage up!

[shimmer728]

Yeah, gosh, how rude! I'm the youngest of all my co-workers, too, but no one has ever said anything like that to me. I don't have too much interaction with the other reporters at my paper, since I don't normally work out of the main office, but when we have talked, they haven't treated me any differently.

I'm sorry, but co-workers have absolutely NO authority to comment on your personal life, unless you happen to be close friends as well. How tactless! :rolleyes:

[winneythepooh7]

I used to deal with this BS all the time, especially when I worked in a program that needed coverage 24/7 including holidays. People automatically assume that just because you are in your 20's=no responsibilities. Ummm, hello, I live on my own, pay my own rent and all my bills. Just because I have no kids doesn't mean my family doesn't want to see me on the holidays. My family also lives a few hours away so it's harder for me to see them, where you get to see your kids daily. Also, a lot of these people worked "for extra $$$$" cuz their SO was the major breadwinner. I have also been a full-time student, doing an internship and working full-time so I don't wanna hear "you are young how can you be tired crap". Most of the people who make these negative comments in my profession are the ones sitting on their a$$e$ all day, on the phone with all their friends/family and not seeing their clients. Now I have a dog and 2 cats and I am also involved in several extracurricular activities outside of work, not to mention the gym, so yes, I have a life too, and major responsibilities. People like this irritate me to no end.

[flyogagrl]

I get the whole "can you stay late/work weekends/change your plans etc...." too. Just 'cuz I don't have a husband or kids doesn't make my plans less important. I often get laughed at when I tell them that I can only stay 'till 5:30 because I have to go to yoga class. I am only supposed to work until 5 and I do stay late on occassion. But if I say its for yoga, a date, meeting up with friends, grocery shopping, etc. I usually get these condescending or "thats not important" laugh or comments. Yes, it is important! If I don't go to yoga I will be really stressed and cranky and bite your head off and not be willing to stay late on other days because I will be tired. And just 'cuz I don't have kids doesn't mean my time away from work is any less important.
Last Friday they tried to get me to leave on Sat. to come to vegas for a bus. trip because the other person bailed because they had to stay and secure their house and boat in case the hurricane came. I made it VERY clear that just 'cuz I live in a apartment doesn't mean I don't have obligations too to secure my property. And that I had other things in my life to take care of and I could not leave on Sat. I think they were a bit stunned by my braziness about the subject.

[libscigrl]

Yeah, I have a nice little group of younger ppl at my job and most people don't seem to have kids, but sometimes I feel like I'm viewed as less professional b/c of my age. Although, I do have a pretty supportive boss and set of coworkers.

[wordsmith]

Nobody feels the need to take make editorial remarks about me due to my youth or whatever, but I do totally get the assumption that I should take any and all night and weekend assignments, because what else would I possibly have to do, I guess. Why should I be allowed to have a life, you know?

[kimmer23]

if you ever switch jobs, you should make up a mock family! get a picture of yourself with someone else's husband and kids and put it on your desk! constantly talk about little jimmy and all that crap and even take off afternoons to go on "field trips." haha!

[flyogagrl]

To stop the grief I just keep the details to myself. If I have to leave at 5:30 for yoga or whatever, I just tell them I have to leave. If someone asks why, I tell them just a prior appointment. They don't need to know the details of my life outside of work.

[kimmer23]

yeah dont give them anymore fuel to add to the fire.

[winneythepooh7]

When I was first learning how to become an effective supervisor, I was told that every employee has the right to leave at the end of the day, take vacation time when they want to and call in sick when they want to, that is what these "benefits" are for. The only people who have the "right" to question an employee are the supervisors/directors of an agency, IF their performance is impacting negatively on the agency for whatever reason. Even as a supervisor, you have to be very careful in how you approach your employees. Too often people who are "older" or think that just because they have worked somewhere "longer" think they are running the show. So many times in one particular program I worked in I can remember the Director having to meet with these types of employees to address how when they acted like this it was NEGATIVE behavior and impacting poorly on the agency and their co-workers.

[NorthernAngel]

Boundaries, etiquette, manners ... ah yes... lost arts.

I've been married for a whole 7months now and for some reason, some of the "older" co-workers, ie. over 30, believe it is ok to ask me on a regular basis: are you pregnant yet?

Apparently, being a girl + under 30 + in a stable relationship = the uncontrolable urge to start having children. Ugh!

[NoFuture]

Oh yes, NA. I know just what you mean. One co-worker was kind enough to inform me that I'll be having a honeymoon baby. Christ! Another piped in, "Yeah I see you getting pregnant right after you're married."

Really? Funny. I see myself getting a master's degree right after I'm married. And then a house. And THEN pregnant.

[winneythepooh7]

Ugh. Don't you hate when everyone else who really don't know you see you doing all these things that they really have no clue are not you anyways?!

[NorthernAngel]

Isn't it nice to see that some people seem to have a clear idea of the direction my life is going to take and the way I should feel. Apparently I missed the memo because I don't have a clue of the direction it's ultimately going to take and sometimes my feelings are conflicting.
(Hum... now why am I sounding sarcastic?...) ;)

[flyogagrl]

Its not usually my supervisors, its the other employees that think they can call the shots or it's their right to know everything about you because they tell you everything about their life when you don't even ask or really care.

On that whole marriage/baby topic.....I am single, but dating people. I am constantly reminded by this one woman that when she was my age she was married and had 2 children and working full time and that I have it soooo easy. Um, last time I checked it was a CHOICE to get married and have babies. If I choose not to do that right now, thats my decision.
Plus, why would I want to listen to sob stories from a woman who has been married 6 (yes SIX) times? Talk about good life choices....

[paiger81]

Argh! I so completely understand this issue. People love commenting on my age. Another issue is that I was living with my best friend Kirk when I started working for this company, but the commute(45 minutes each way) was driving me crazy, so I moved into the city. They are convinced that I left him and that he is my boyfriend. Umm....no...we've known each other since we were 16. **He was abused and lived with my family but that is none of my coworkers business.**

I also get the lovely "Why aren't you going out tonight? You're young, go enjoy it!" Yes I get that I am young, but the concept of clubbing is so freaking annoying to me that I'm not about to go.

[kimmer23]

whoever said that its the employer's place to mention staying late or not is exactly right. i think people think just because they have been at their job for 20 yrs, they have all these rights to boss the younger co-workers around.

[jstall]

I was at my last job when I was 23 and 24, and all of the people I worked with (board members, assistant and volunteers) were at least 20 years older than me, ranging in age from probably 40-something to 82 years old! Talk about generational issues! They would set me up on blind dates, which inevitably did not work out. I couldn't relate to the women because they would all talk about menopause and their kids. My assistant had a daughter my age, so she would compare the two of us a lot. Toward the end of my time there, I just wouldn't talk about any personal issues, and then they told me I had an attitude problem!

[anaphora]

I can relate to a lot of what has already been said here.

I work in a department of the medical school at the local university. There is one other person near my age who works in my office, but she's already married and for whatever reason we just have nothing in common.

The other employees range from 39 to 66.

Most of the time it's not too bad, but occasionally they become peeved because I only work 3-5 hours a day, while everyone else is there for 8 hours. They don't seem to understand that going to school full-time IS a full-time job in its own right.

Other employers I've had outside academia were worse though. Some wanted me to skip my classes all the time so I could put in more hours for them, all at my absurdly low pay rate, of course. Employers often squeeze the PT help as much as they can because we're paid less and we don't get any benefits. Yes, let's make them do a FT job in half the time and at low pay!!!

I also sometimes get the, "Well, it's easier for you. You don't have to worry about bills" line mentioned earlier. I do have bills to pay, such as my rent and my tuition!

They often expect me to talk about my personal life when I have no interest in doing so. I just want to come in, do my job, and leave. I have papers to read, texts to study, and notes to prepare, and it seems to bother my co-workers that I'm actually working outside of the office, rather than either 1. working more at the office or 2. out partying and expending all that "boundless energy" I'm supposed to have.