Tough Time

[Opera_Starlet]

Hi, I joined this forum while ago and now am just posting for the first time.
I am 23 and I graduated from college last May (2004).
Right now I am having a real hard time of my life right now. I cannot seem to get out of this rut my life has been slowly sliding into since graduating.
My life's plan was to graduate, go straight into Graduate school for Music Performance ( I sing), then perhaps get my DMA while I started performing and trying to break into professional operas and Broadway.
My dreams and plans were all shattered when I didn’t get into graduate school (except my safe school, which was not an option).
Now, I’m working two jobs I hate. I’m Going nowhere with my life or my singing.
I have no friends, unless I spend all my money calling my old ones from college and high school. I am making no money, and I am having so much trouble paying my bills and credit cards and soon I have to start paying back my nearly 50,000 in school loans. I was trying to go to a language school or music school in France and Italy so I could improve my singing, but I just don’t see how its going to happen when I can’t even pay my credit card. I live at home, but soon I may have to start paying rent there too.
Right now, my life just feels pointless. What am I doing here?
I have no purpose.
I don’t know what to do now. Nothing is turning out right and if I continue on this path I might as well drive off a cliff.
I feel like noone understands what I’m going through, and when I do talk to someone about it, they just tell me they don’t know what to say. Or my Mother will make me feel like I’m so dumb for caring about some of these things because I should be happy I have a house and all my limbs and can see.
I know things can get worse but I feel so horrible, I don’t know what to do.

So that’s it, this is my life, my hell. My quarter-life crisis.

[Skyblade]

Welcome to the boards. I hate that feeling of not having anyone to talk to and feeling like nobody understands what you are going through. I definitely feel the same way a lot of times.

[iwanttoscream]

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. It sounds like you have a lot going for you - don't let the setback of not getting into your school of choice stop you. You are young and it sounds like you are motivated to change your situation. Don't get stuck in trying to repay the debts you have incurred. It is almost impossible to do in your first few years out of college and you can't let it hold you back. If you go back to school your student loan debts will be deferred until you get out of your graduate program. Don't give up and don't listen to bad advice. The thing with the limbs and the eyesight is something people say when there is nothing else to say.

[lynseymay]

How come yoru safe school wasn't an option? Have you thought about reapplying to grad school next year? Work for a year and then go to school next fall? I do understand what you're going through. I wanted to work right out of college and then work. So I applied to grad school, got accepted, and turned it down. Why you ask? Because I was chicken shit and I'm kicking myself in the ass about it every day. But being the stubborn person that I am I'm going to take the dreaded prereqs that i need to apply to get in....but don't give up work for a year and reapply...LOTS of people do it.

[karlamr]

Things will work out. I know when you're in the mist of shit it's hard to believe there will be better times, but there will. Just last year, I signed a lease with my friend, with no job to pay the rent and my parents couldn't give me money and to top it all off the DAMN apartment flooded with sewer water. Yeah, talk about shitty things happening. We had to move out ASAP, with no place to go. Within a month after this happend I got a job, not my dream job, but the pay was good and we signed a lease with a awesome condo which was way better than the flooded apt. I guess what I'm trying to say is things will get better, not perfect, but it may mean you have to make some decisions and take some risks. Your mom sounds like she's not helping your situation. You need to connect with people who can help you see different options. I hope things improve.

[winneythepooh7]

I also feel that your situation will probably change for the better soon because you seem motivated to change it. I also am wondering why you wouldn't consider the one school? What are some things you would like to do? As for the student loans, don't sweat them. As was mentioned, if you go back to school you can defer. If you don't go back, you can consolidate. As for your mom, parents, especially mothers always seem to see the negative sides of things and make statements like you said. Sometimes it is best to take a leap of independence from them even if they feel we may fail.

[Phoenix]

Sounds like you're a little overwhelmed. My advice would be to take one thing at a time. Because right now, it probably feels like everything is crashing down on you and that becomes very hard to handle. Examine one thing at a time and see how you can realistically get where you want to be (paying off debts, school, etc.)

[Ambrose]

Taking things one thing at a time does sound cliche, but works. When you take the whole of it, it appears overwhelming. Just focus on one thing, find a solution that appears to be the soundest at the time, apply the solution and move on to the next one.

Is there also a professional singing organization you could look into? I'm thinking that there might be a professional association of singers that could help you with schools, training, maybe even scholarships. I'd check that out.

[Opera_Starlet]

The School that accepted me didn't have a very good music program. There would be no point in me going there. I tried to talk to the chair of the department to see if my goals would be met and he basically told me they wouldn't and to work on them after I graduated. If I went to that school I would be so far behind other graduate school students in music. Thats why I didn't go. Although now I'm wondering If I should have gone anyway. The school itself is very good, even though the music department is not and the city is great. I was born there and always wanted to go back. And at least I wouldn't have to pay back my loans since I would be in school.

I just found out that my hours might be cut at work, from 8 (8+ hours if I was working on a project) a day to 4 hours. So now I'm starting the job search thing. Hopefully I will find something good.

Ambrose- the professional singing association or organization would be a good idea, but I'm not considered a professional yet, I can't even audition for certain competitions and companies because I'm not ready yet.

[NayUCLA]

Dont give up on your dreams as silly as it sounds. You can always petition your safe school to readmit you even though you may have rejected them the first time. Say you were in a financial bind. Plus, dont worry about how old the other grad students tthere are. what matters is what you want. And ultimately if you wnt to be at that school then thats what you should do, your not going to school for your peers, you want to be there to better your talent. All you need is to focus again.
I have to pay rent at my mom's house too. It sucks. and im 14,000$ in credit caard debt alone and then I have another 14,000$ in student loans. So i am working for some time to lower my debt before I jump back into grad school. It can be done, it'll be hard but eventually I'll get back to grad school.

And if you couldnt get into grd school the first time around, its not the end of the world. Get some working experience in the field, do an internship, volunteer if you have to. You need letters of rec from ppl who matter in the field to get you into the big schools.
I hope that helped.

:) *smile*