Uprooting

[HStep]

Hi! I'm new here-this is the skinny on me. I'm on job #2 in city #2 since graduation. I'm considering another move to a new state and I'm freaked about whether or not this is a good decision. I have some (very little) money saved and this would be the opportunity for me and Mr. Long Distance Boyfriend to live in the same city and start new. I have close friends all over this present state except in the city I'm living in which has made it hard to feel permanent here. I go away every weekend. The job is getting me down. I obviously need a new one regardless, so my only quandry is whether to leave all my friends and a few family members to move to this new town/new state where I'll know NO ONE except Mr. Boyfriend and won't be able to just day trip to see anyone (except my parents b/c it's my home state). I feel like that could be a good thing-force me to make friends in the city I reside in. Does this make sense?

As an aside, I'm kind of relieved to see so many posts about how people aren't making the kind of friendships they took for granted in college, etc. What's up with that? In this town, everyone either has a group they grew up with or a group they went to college with here--it's hard to be the new girl!!! I went to see the movie Ya-Ya Sisterhood and came away convinced I was the only girl in the world who doesn't have a close best friend she's known forever--it's comforting to read otherwise.

What do ya'll think out there?

[Zabeth]

Hi and welcome,

I'm afraid I don't have much advice about the move. But what you said about friends not being like they used to hit home for me. Maybe I'll avoid seeing YaYa. I am only now starting to build new friendships after about three years in the new town away from college. Maybe it just takes more time. :) Good luck!

[crazy-girl]

I say go for the move. You sound like you aren't really all that "in love" with your current city of residence. Go for the change. I moved out of my home state a year after college and I was worried about leaving all of my friends (they were all a day trip away). Well, I moved, and a year later another one moved back to her home state, another got married and moved out of state, another moved to a different city. Then some of them just lost touch with me.

People are going to change. Your good friends will be your friend no matter where you go. And the others---well, if they aren't your friends once you move---then it wasn't the type of timeless friendship that we see offered in movies.

The move will be tough but you can always move back if it isn't going well.

Also, Ya-ya depressed me too. I don't know of one person that has friends like that.

[HStep]

Thanks for the thoughts on the move-I agree that my friends will get on with their life regardless of where I'm living, so I should get on with mine. And I won't be destitute for friends/family-they will visit and be around! It's just so hard making these big decisions! My boyfriend also makes the point that I can always move back, and that's completely true. I think I'm just afraid of regretting a decision-but fear never got anyone anywhere.

As for the movie-I think the media hyped up the theme too much. My mother hails from Louisiana and she knows girls who grew up with one set of friends and she finds them to be some of the most unsocial people in the world because they never venture out of their clique of close girlfriends. I grew up with her philosophy and so I guess it's mine too. I never had a tight group like that either, but I hate that it's celebrated as the only and best way to live sometimes. Like Friends on tv. Do you EVER see those people with anyone besides each other? Maybe I'm pessimistic and watch too much tv!:D

[maggie25]

Hi.
I moved to florida to live with my boyfriends brother and to wait for him to move there after graduation. he came down and we broke up. so now, only after two months of living there, i am now living in NC with a friend. My boyfriend and his brother were the only people i knew there and i had no money to move out and get an apartment on my own. my advice to you is this: if you want to move to the city where your boyfriend lives, make sure you have your own place and meet as many people as you can. you never know what will happen in your relationship and you'll need your own place and friends to help you move on if something does happen. i never thought that my boyfriend and i would break up after a year and a half together and i planned my moves around him. make sure what you do is what you really want to do, for yourself and nooone else.

maggie

[HStep]

Thanks. I appreciate the words-it's neat to see all these people giving advice and sharing thoughts.

My move wouldn't be to where my boyfriend lives now. That's why we've been apart for so long, I was never willing to just go where he lives b/c I always wanted my own life. Anyway, this new city will be a place we both mutually decide on-and it looks like we're picking one four hours from where I grew up. SO, technically, I would have my family closer than I do now. But it's true I won't have any friends nearby except for him-and we're NOT moving in together. No matter how much money it'll save or how long we've been together, I don't believe in doing that unless we're married. I'm stubborn about having my own bed ;-) I feel like even if things didn't work out for us, I'd be ok. And if I wanted to move somewhere new-that would just be another new adventure. I'm trying to focus on the positive. :-)

Happy Wednesday everyone!

[Unregistered]

By the way, Maggie, did you like Tampa at all? That's one of my possible new locations. Just curious!

[CAT11]

Wow, I felt like I just had this conversation recently.
My boyfriend and I were apart for a good portion of a year and when I decided to move back, every one thought it was because of him. It was actually so many other things though.
I have been in that situation where you don't really like where you live and try to get out as much as possible. It is really exhausting.
Good thoughts on keeping your own place. Even if you are together all the time, it still makes a difference.

Anyway, do you ever wonder if getting out every weekend stops relationships from thriving in your town?

On the other hand, if you and your bf are moving to a mutually chosen city, that takes so much stress of the relationship and frees your energy up for other things. You could start to make friends there.

Well, those are just some more random thoughts. Am high on cold medicine, so nothing is very conherant.
:)

[HStep]

CAT, I feel like I have this conversation all the time myself! Random incoherent thoughts are always the best ones, thank you.

Most of my reasoning is that the traveling every weekend HAS weakened my abilities to make valuable relationships here. I use visiting my old friends as a fallback and it hasn't forced me to make my presence known here enough. I have a group here that I can hang out with if I need to go to bars or something, but they aren't close gal pals that enjoy just staying in and renting a movie--stuff I miss. And they never really call me, they just know I'll call if I'm going to be around, which is kind of sad--I want to be more a part of things. Being together w/mr. boyfriend in the same city, being "normal" people might either make us a better couple or we'll find out we're not supposed to be together, in which case, I'll go back to drawing board! It's just life anyway right?

[maggie25]

Hi to whoever wrote this quote. :) yes, i loved tampa. i am moving back there as soon as i get on my feet and have some money saved up! i do not like Durham, NC! but thats just my opinion.

maggie

Originally posted by Unregistered
By the way, Maggie, did you like Tampa at all? That's one of my possible new locations. Just curious!

[HStep]

Maggie-that was me-HStep-somehow I wasn't logged in, I'm still getting used to this website. Anyway, Tampa is one of the cities I'm considering moving to and it's a little bigger than the places I have lived before. I've visited but know nothing of the area-good places to live, where people are and go, etc. So I was just wondering if you had liked it-I don't know, positive responses are always better than negative!

** I agree with you about Durham.